“Hannah?”
“If it was up to how I feel when it’s just us and the world is quiet and everything seems so far away,” I told him softly, “we’d be together. I’d put it all behind me and we’d move on. But life isn’t like that. The rest of the world never goes away. Our mistakes are out there and we can’t hide from them. I don’t want to mess you around and it’s not my intention to hurt you” – my voice cracked – “but I just don’t think this is what I want anymore.”
“You don’t love me?” His voice was gruff, the way he sounded whenever he was feeling something deeply.
I hated that I was hurting him. “Marco, I’ve been in love with you since I was fourteen. And it’s hurt for eight years. I’m just not sure that’s the right kind of love.”
“I didn’t know there was a right or a wrong kind,” he whispered hoarsely.
“Perhaps not. But maybe I need a shot at an easy kind.”
“Or maybe you just need to give us a shot with all this shit out in the open,” he argued. “Hannah, when we were kids I was messed up. I didn’t give us a chance. But those two months we had before Christmas were the best fucking weeks of my life, and they would have been perfect if we’d just been honest about everything. Now all that is out there, and we can start over. It can be great. It can be easy.”
I wanted to believe that, but I was too scared. I wasn’t even going to lie to myself about it. I was terrified.
Marco could hurt me like no one else could because I loved him with everything I had. I’d allowed his mistakes, our mistakes, to bend me. However, I couldn’t let us break me.
Wiping the tears from my face with trembling hands, I prepared myself to finally make a decision.
“Hannah?”
“Marco…” My voice came out as a whisper and I had to clear my throat to get the volume back. “Because of you I’ve never given anyone a chance. If you want the whole and absolute truth, there’s never been anyone since you. I lied when you asked me when the last time I had sex was. I’ve only ever been with one man and that man is you.”
“Hannah —”
“It’s time I gave myself a chance to fall in love with someone else.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“I do. We’re not good for each other. You need to move on.”
“No,” he growled down the phone in a surprising and yet not so surprising response. “You’re mine. I’m yours. Don’t you dare run from that.”
“I’m not running.” More lies. “I just need a fresh start.”
“Hannah, I love you.”
“Please don’t… don’t make this harder than it already is.”
“No. Don’t give me bullshit clichés. I need to see you. We can’t do this over the phone. We can talk and we can work it out.”
Terrified at that thought because I knew that just seeing him would weaken my resolve, I hurried to deny him. “I don’t want to see you. I’m moving on, Marco, and I need you to do the same for me. Do this for me.”
I could hear that his breathing had grown shallow. “I can’t. It might be the most selfish thing I’ll ever do, but I can’t give you up. I won’t. If I thought it was what you really wanted, really needed, I would. But it’s not. You’re scared. I know you’re scared. I’m going to do everything I can to take that fear away.”
“Stop being a stubborn idiot!” I snapped, feeling desperate.
“Pot, meet kettle,” he answered, his voice edged with determination. “We’ll see which one of us can be the most obstinate, Hannah, because, babe, I’m never giving up on us. If it takes a week, a month, a year, whatever, the future is us. I’m spending the rest of my life waking up in the morning with you beside me and getting through each day knowing that when the sky turns dark I’ll be spending the night inside you.”
His sensual, beautiful words knocked me for six. “You are such a bastard,” I breathed.
Marco laughed shortly, harshly. “I see I’m winning already.”
CHAPTER 23
“S
o Beth is having a Daddy’s girl day?” Liv asked Joss, her tone telling us just how cute she thought that was.
Joss grinned, putting her cup of coffee down on the table. “After her excitement at the zoo last year, and her current obsession with all things animal, Braden decided to take her to that Safari Park in Stirling but discovered it was closed for the season, so he’s taking her to Deep Sea World. He wanted some daddy-daughter time.”
I smiled. “He’s a good egg, that one.”