“I’m fine,” he insisted. “You? I’m thinking not so much.”
It was getting harder and harder to pretend with my friends and family that I wasn’t in a mood. I’d spent the last week completely discombobulated, living inside my own head. I didn’t know how I felt about Marco’s persistence and because no one else knew the whole story I didn’t even have anyone to turn to. And in the end that was my own fault.
“Hannah, seriously.” Cole’s smile slipped, a deep frown line appearing between his brows. “You’ve been quiet all week and you’re out here by yourself, looking like you have the weight of the entire world on your shoulders. I’m worried. Tell me what’s going on.”
I sighed, not wanting to piss him off with an obvious lie. “Do you remember Marco from the wedding?”
He nodded and waited for me to continue.
“I used to be in love with him.”
Cole’s eyebrows rose at that little bomb of information. “How did I not know this?”
“You and I weren’t as close back then. Jo, Ellie, Joss, and Liv know about him. We met when I was fourteen and by the time I was seventeen I was mad about him. He’s older, so we were just friends. Sometimes I tutored him. But I always wanted more. We kissed when I was seventeen” – I diluted the information – “and just when I thought maybe he felt the same way about me, he went back to America. The wedding reception was the first time I’ve seen him since then and… he told me he’s been back in Edinburgh for four years.”
My friend’s eyes glimmered with sympathy. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I wish I’d known. I would never have left you alone that night.”
“I needed to be alone,” I reassured him.
“His reappearance is obviously messing with your head.”
“No, actually he is.”
Cole’s face instantly darkened. “What does that mean?”
“It means he wants a chance to explain why he left the way he left, and he’s been turning up everywhere I go in an attempt to get me to listen.” I went on to tell him about the school, the gym, and the book club encounter.
His glower cleared. Now he just looked amused. “So, listen.”
I jerked back in anger. “No. He doesn’t deserve it.”
“Hannah, you were kids. If he’s taking the time to pursue you, then he clearly feels bad and wants a second chance.”
“He’s had that chance for the last four years.”
“Maybe he didn’t know what to say.”
“Whose side are you on?”
“Yours,” he said with a laugh. “But, Christ, you’re working yourself into knots over him when all it might take to give you a little closure is a better understanding of where his head was at. He’s offering you that chance.”
I gave him a low-lidded look of displeasure. “If I wanted a voice of reason I would have asked for it.”
Cole chuckled. “I’m just saying, unless there’s more to this than you’re telling me, I think he deserves a chance to explain.” Some dark suspicion suddenly entered his gaze. “There isn’t more to this, is there?”
I shook my head with faux calm. “No… but he is the reason I made a stupid decision back then. So… there’s that.”
Understanding settled over Cole’s features and he replied kindly, “You can’t hold your own actions against him.”
Feeling guilty for lying to Cole and angry at Marco and myself for the predicament I found myself in with my family, I nodded glumly. There was no way I’d get the right advice without my friends and family having the full story, and I had no intention of rewriting the history I had given them with the truth. “Let’s stop talking about me.” I waved the subject away. “How’s you? How’s Steph?”
He made a face. “Steph and I ended it last night.”
My lips parted in surprise. “And you’re only just telling me this?”
He shrugged. “There’s not much to tell. We were out after work last night and we bumped into some of my friends from school and she started a catfight with one of the girls.”
“Catfight?”
“Her jealousy is ridiculous. She has major trust issues. It was time to end it.”
“We all have issues, Cole. Relationships aren’t easy. Sometimes you have to work at it.”
“Agreed. But I didn’t want to work at it, so what does that tell you?”
“She’s not the one for you.”
“Exactly.” He turned and opened the door. “Now that we’ve beat our relationship issues out for the day, let’s get fed.”
“You’re sure you’re okay?” I asked, following him inside.