Not a Chance (Sweet Nothings)

chapter TWENTY-NINE



Travis woke up on Christmas day in the hospital. He was in some pain and it hurt a little when he breathed, but otherwise he was alive. He blinked against the sunlight coming in the window. He pressed his palms to the bed and tried to push himself up, but stopped as soon as pain seared through his abdomen.

"He's awake," said a female voice.

And then Dustin and Emma appeared at his sides.

"How are you feeling?" Dustin said.

"Do you need pain killers?" Emma asked.

And then the two of them glared at each other.

"No," Travis said. His voice was scratchy. "No painkillers."

Dustin gave Emma a satisfied smirk and she continued glaring at him in response. Travis desperately wanted to sit up. He fumbled around the edge of the bed looking for the button to angle the bed up. Dustin read his mind and handed it to him.

Once Travis got settled in a more upright position, he took another breath to relax. "Where's Duane?" he asked.

"Jail." Dustin looked down at his feet.

Travis nodded. "Where's my girl?"

Dustin looked to Emma. Emma tried to put on a smile, but came off looking sad anyway. Travis felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. "Is she okay?" he asked.

Emma took a deep breath. "She said she'd try to make it in later. She wanted to have Christmas with her family and apparently she has a lot of other things she's busy with."

Travis squeezed his eyes shut and cursed. Then he laughed in relief. "I was talking about Emily. She's okay?"

"Oh!" Emma laughed in relief too. "Yes. She's fine. She's still with Shannon and Russell. Would you like me to bring her here to see you?"

"It depends. Do I get to go home today?"

"No way," Dustin said. "Probably not till day after tomorrow at the earliest. Your lung was punctured. They had to sew up a bunch of other stuff too."

"I'll have Shannon bring the baby over," Emma said. "She'll probably bring Alice too. Alice has called, like, five times already asking about you. I didn't realize you and she were so close."

"She's a good friend," Travis said. He was so glad to be seeing Emily soon. It had hit him, recently, just how helpless he would be if Tonya ever came back for her. If he thought Tonya had a stable, loving environment to raise her in, he'd give Emily to her. It would probably break his heart, but he would do the right thing. But as it was, if Tonya came back wanting her baby, Travis didn't know what he could do, legally, to keep the baby. He determined to get a lawyer just as soon as he was back on his feet.

Travis turned his thoughts to Arden. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "So my girlfriend is too busy to come see me?" he asked Emma.

Emma looked away.

Travis laughed. Then he winced and pressed his hand to his stomach.

"I think she may be insane, Travis," Dustin said.

Travis leaned his head back into his pillow.

"Seriously," Dustin said. "I talked to her on the phone. She was acting really strange. I think she's in shock or denial or something. She said to tell you hi."

Travis laughed again and then cursed at the pain.

He felt Emma's hand on his arm. "I think she's just having a really hard time with this. Maybe she thinks if she doesn't see you, then this whole thing won't be real."

"Stop making me laugh," he said, stifling laughter yet again. "My God. She's having a hard time? She has my sympathies. Be sure and send her some flowers for me."

"Travis, she loves you..." Emma started.

Travis put up his hand in a stop gesture. He looked at Dustin. "Can you get a doctor? I don't want to stay here if it's just so they can watch me for a few days. I can do my recovering at home."

"They're not going to let you go, Travis. It's too soon," Dustin said.

"I've already got Tonya's bills to pay and no car to sell. I don't need this, too."

"You've got insurance..."

"Yeah, but how much will it cover?"

"I can find out."

"Please do," Travis said. "I've got another question."

"Shoot." Dustin sat on the arm of a chair up against the wall.

"If I don't want to press charges against Duane, will they let him go?"

"F*ck," Dustin said, shaking his head.

"Just find out."

Dustin looked at him like he was the biggest idiot he'd ever seen. "I'll ask. But I'm pretty sure it doesn't matter."

Travis nodded. "He said he was sorry."

Dustin burst into laughter. Emma gave his arm a squeeze. Travis couldn't help but smile. He realized as he said it just how ridiculous it sounded. Dustin had every right to laugh at him.

"Why don't you go and talk to him," Dustin said when he calmed down. "Then find out if he's really sorry. There was a lot of blood...he might have just been scared. Then if he's really sorry, you two can shake hands and be best friends again."

"You have a good heart, Travis," Emma said. "Don't let him make you feel ashamed of that."

He pulled her hand to his lips and kissed it. She blushed all over. "Would you mind calling Shannon? I could really use the sight of Emily right about now."

"Absolutely." She kissed his forehead and then left the room.

Dustin collapsed into the chair and leaned his head back against the window sill.

"You okay, brother?" Travis asked.

Dustin smiled at him. "I am whole with all of my internal organs in tact. I'm just fine."

"Obviously that's not what I meant."

Dustin sighed. "I'm fine. She's mad at me. Makes it easier. If she were all sweet and nice to me I'd be miserable. But she barely looks at me and when she does it's these cold, defiant looks...like she's daring me to mess with her. Kind of cute, actually. But definitely easier to deal with than if she were being nice."

"Good. I guess. I still say you're making a mistake. But I'm too tired to argue about it right now."

"I'm sorry about Arden," Dustin said.

Travis nodded. "Me too. I was really getting along with her family." He closed his eyes and leaned his bed back a ways. "You know Ellie Watson?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"She runs that daycare on Spring Street. I talked to her last week to see if she could take care of Emily. I remember last Summer she turned forty. She was up at Rowdy's crying into her beer. I ought to be with a woman like that."

"How do you figure?"

Travis shrugged, his eyes still closed. He was too tired, all of a sudden, to keep them open. "She'd appreciate me. I'd lavish her with love and she'd do anything to keep me around. Being younger than her, she'd think she was really lucky to have me. We would need each other. It would be a mutually rewarding relationship."

"You want a needy woman? You're the only man in the world who wants a needy woman."

Travis opened his eyes a sliver and looked at his brother. "You don't want to be needed? You don't want a woman who can't leave you because she needs you?"

"No," Dustin said, with a surprising sharpness to his tone. "I want a woman who can stand on her own two feet, but wants to do it with a partner. I want a woman who is strong and independent, but not selfish."

"You can't have the independent without the selfish." Travis yawned.

"Sure you can. Look at Emma."

"If she's so great, why'd you break up with her?"

Dustin slammed his mouth shut.

Travis chuckled. "She scared you off with all her independence and selflessness."

"You don't know anything about it."

Travis sighed. "You're right. Look, I think I'm going to fall back asleep. Wake me when the baby gets here, okay?"

"Sure thing."

Travis closed his eyes. He was so grateful for the pain in his stomach and the overwhelming weariness. If not for those things, he'd have to think about Arden. And thinking about Arden would surely break his heart.



Travis had been home from the hospital for two days. He hadn't gone to Arden nor had she come to him. His abdomen still hurt if he did anything stupid like lift heavy things or roughhouse with his brothers. But other than that he was healing well. He'd poured all of his energy into working at the shop and taking care of Emily. Sometimes Emily would sleep, though, and he would be forced to feel that tightness in his chest, that heartbreak. He'd find himself staring at her and wishing Arden were with him to enjoy her.

Finally he'd decided it was time to confront Arden. He called her house and found out she was at her classroom. On his lunch hour, he climbed in the tow truck and drove to the school. He sat in the truck for a few moments just thinking. The lot was dotted with a few cars. He was parked next to Arden's. He wondered if he could just leave her a note. She probably wouldn't care. But he needed to do this the right way.

He got out, pulling his coat tighter around him. He found her classroom easily enough. Arden sat behind a desk. She wore a black pencil skirt and white blouse. Her hair was pulled back in a low bun. She had glasses on. Travis smiled. He'd never seen her in glasses. This must have been deliberate on her part, because when she looked up and saw him, she snatched the glasses off and shoved them into her top desk drawer.

"Leave 'em on," Travis said. "I'll lock the door and we can do it on your desk. I always did think glasses were sexy."

She smiled and stood. "I've missed you," she said. "Did you want to have lunch?"

He wanted to ask her if she was crazy, but he refrained. Instead he looked around. "I had Mrs. Steiner in this classroom."

Arden furrowed her brow. "I don't see how that's possible. She's your age. If not younger."

Travis grinned. "That's not what I meant."

Arden stared at him for a moment. Slowly she figured it out and then rolled her eyes in disgust. "You make me sick."

Travis grinned and lifted his brows.

"And she's married, Travis."

Travis felt his smile fade. "Yeah. Wasn't one of my proudest moments. Anyway, if you ever see Jess Steiner spit and snarl in my general direction, that's why."

"She told him?"

Travis nodded. He'd lost interest in the conversation now. He was touching her face with his fingertips and remembering how good she made him feel. A silence dragged out between them that Travis wished would never end because then they could just stay like this forever. In limbo. No good feelings. No bad feelings.

But Arden was catching on. "I guess you want to talk," she said. "About why I didn't come see you in the hospital."

"Oh, so you did hear about that?"

She got that superior expression on her face. "Travis, please. If you want to talk, let's go somewhere and talk."

He dropped his hands from her face. "I didn't come to talk. I came to break up with you, Princess."

"What?" she took a step back.

"Don't act surprised, Arden. It's probably what you wanted anyway."

"It's not," she said. She seemed mildly disappointed, but that was all. "I thought we were having a good time."

"Yeah? And I thought you loved me."

She looked at him, her eyes cold. "I never said I loved you."

It felt worse than being stabbed. At least after being stabbed he went into shock. This he actually had to feel right now. He swallowed and felt his muscles tense. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Now that I think about it, I never did hear you say you love me."

She nodded.

He shrugged and looked at his feet.

"You don't even want to talk about this?" she asked. "Hear my side of the story?"

He met her eyes. She'd erected this colossal invisible wall to prevent herself from being hurt. "That won't be necessary," Travis said. "I think I know why you didn't come see me. Bottom line, it doesn't matter. I can't be with you after this."

Arden shrugged and turned back to her desk. "I'm sorry it ended this way. It was nice of you to come and tell me face to face." She picked up a pencil and wrote something on a piece of paper.

"Well, I'm a pretty nice guy," Travis replied. "See you around, Arden."

She waved without looking at him. He walked out and forced himself to drive back to work. All he wanted to do was go home and wallow. But being with Dustin and Neil helped. They'd been bickering all day for no particular reason and Travis found amusement in that. Plus there was the Rebel to work on. And Emily to go home to.





That night it rained. Which was perfect for Travis's mood. By ten Dustin was asleep in his room and little Emily was tucked in her bassinet next to Travis's bed. He showered and then went to the kitchen. There was half a pie left from Emma's mom from when he'd been in the hospital. Travis grabbed it and hit the couch with the remote. He flipped channels until he found some drag racing. Then he dug into the last half of the pecan pie.

He made it halfway through it when someone banged on his front door. He set the pie on the coffee table, stood and went to the door. He opened it to find a shivering, rain-soaked Arden. No coat or anything. Mascara streaked down her face. He almost jumped when he saw her.

She shoved her way in the house past him and then turned to face him.

"What..." Travis started.

"You could have been f*cking killed!" she screamed at him. "I prayed and prayed for you to be okay. I told you a hundred times that that son-of-a-bitch was no good but you just had to go try and save him!" She fell apart into sobs.

Travis watched in awe. Her voice was harsh and scratchy, as though she'd had a cold or been yelling for a long time.

She fought for control of her emotions. "Emma told me that one of the stabs pierced your lung. I saw the knife he stabbed you with, it was huge. You could have been killed, Travis! I could have lost you! And you went there by yourself and what if that woman hadn't called 911? Huh? Did you ever think about that? What if they'd just let you die and then hid you somewhere and I never found out what happened? Did you think of that? Did you think what would happen to the people who love you? To Emily?"

Travis felt a tear escape down his cheek. "Arden, I..."

"I love you, Travis!"

Travis felt his breath catch in his chest.

"I love you so damn much. I don't know how you weaseled your way into my heart like this, but I can't stand the thought that you were hurt. It's making me f*cking crazy!"

Travis stepped forward and grabbed her arm. "You need to calm down."

She jerked her arm away and shoved him with both hands against his chest. The jarring motion hurt his wounds and he suppressed a wince. "What was I supposed to do, Travis?" she asked, still shouting. "Just stand around and make myself sick with worry? Stand by your side no matter what dumbass thing you do? Am I supposed to make myself vulnerable to this kind of pain all the time?"

"Yes," Travis said, raising his voice. "That's exactly what you do for someone you love. You have the courage to risk feeling pain. You were a f*cking coward, Arden. I needed you and you weren't there. I woke up in that goddamn hospital looking for you and you weren't there. All because you didn't want to get hurt. You think I'm going to feel sorry for you? I don't, Arden. Because I would have been there for you. I love you, God help me, and I'd do anything for you."

Her face contorted in pain and she turned away from him. He watched as her shoulders shook, little gasps and sniffles escaping now and then. The debate warred within him over whether to hold her or not. In the end, he stood his ground.

She wiped her eyes harshly with her palms. She turned back to face him. He'd never seen her this broken down. Some sadistic part of him was glad. The rest of him just wanted to rescue her.

"Travis," she said, her voice more controlled, but still shaky. "I know it was wrong. I know I should have been by your side. I made the wrong decision and I am so, so sorry."

He stared at her and waited.

She took in a shuddering breath. "Can't you forgive me, Travis?"

He exhaled and smiled slightly. "Of course I forgive you. Life's too short to hold grudges, right?"

She blinked and nodded. "Th...thank you. I've never been so sorry about anything in my life."

Travis waited.

"So...so do we have another chance? You and I?"

Travis's whole body reacted. His palms tingled with the need to touch her. He wanted her. He could have her right now and everything would be back to the way it was. The only problem was, now there was a voice in his mind telling him that he needed to walk away from her. He didn't usually listen to that voice. Of course, ignoring the voice was probably the reason he'd lost his car and been stabbed by his brother. He decided that now it was time to start listening to reason.

He shook his head. "I don't think so," he said softly.

"Travis, please," she said. She covered the distance between them and pressed her hands to his chest. She slid them up to his shoulders and halfway down his arms and back. "Let's just start over. I can do so much better, I know I can. I love you. I can't believe I'm just now saying it because it feels so good. So right. I love you, Travis."

He laughed bitterly and looked up at the ceiling to hide the tears pooling in his eyes. "I'm not willing to trust you right now. I can't be with you anymore. I'm sorry."

She grabbed the front of his shirt. "I know, baby. I know how you feel. I know you think you're doing the right thing for yourself, to protect yourself. But I promise you I will never hurt you again. I swear."

Travis pulled her hands off of him by the wrists and led her to the door. He opened the door and nodded towards the cold, wet night beyond.

Her voice pitched higher in desperation. "You said if I love you nothing else matters! Don't you remember? You said love is the most important. Remember?"

"I remember. Even the great Travis Lanier is wrong sometimes. I'm sorry, Arden. But I need you to go."

She was breathing frantically, tears pouring down her face again. "Okay," she squeaked. "I'll go. You just need time to think, that's all. You think it through and I'll be waiting for you to call me. Okay? I'll wait as long as you need."

Travis shook his head and gritted his teeth. "Please go," he said.

"Okay," she said again. "I love you. I just need you to know that. You take all the time you need. Okay? I love you Travis." She said all of this as she backed out the door. She was still talking when he closed it and slumped back against it, sliding down to the floor. He let his head bang back against the door as he took several deep breaths. Finally he heard Arden's car drive away.