I push the door open and motion for her to lead the way down the stairs. After locking it behind me, I take a deep breath and go in, joining her on the edge of the bed.
I take another breath. Then: “Kelly’s perfect turkey,” I say, “Henry’s guitar playing, you . . . That was the best Thanksgiving I’ve ever had and I felt insanely guilty because, you know, it was the first one without her. I mean . . . God, you have no idea how lucky you are, Jordyn. Your mom and Henry and your dad and even his crazy wife, I think, love you so much, it . . . No one . . . It just hit me that no one will ever love me like that. I’m not even sure my mom ever did love me like that. Otherwise why’d she leave me, you know?”
“That’s not true.” Jordyn turns her whole body toward me and takes my hands. “Your mom loved you, Tyler. She really, really loved you. I remember. And your dad, as fucked up as he might be, loves you in his own way.”
A bitter laugh escapes my throat. “First of all, my dad actually hates me. He tells me on a regular basis, and I know it’s not just words. He hates me.” I stand. “And if my mom loved me as much as you say, she wouldn’t have left me alone with my prick father and no explanation.”
“Tyler,” she begins, but I stop her with a kiss. Not a hot kind of kiss that would, under normal circumstances, lead to sex, but a kiss that lets her know how much I appreciate her, how much I care about her. I can see that she understands its meaning by the way she pulls me down next to her and looks at me. “Thank you for standing up for me,” she whispers against my lips.
“It’s you who . . .” I whisper back. “It’s you.”
We stay like that for a little while, just holding on.
“Why’d you freak out after . . . ?” I ask, somewhat embarrassed.
“Me? You’re the one who ran away as fast as you could.”
So Kelly didn’t tell her about my breakdown. “Well, you basically threw me out. And then I thought maybe you thought it was just a drunken mistake and that you felt sorry for me. And then you ignored me and acted like nothing happened. That killed me, by the way. All this is new to me. I, like, got close to you. And you threw it in my face.”
She closes her eyes and seems to shrink, like she knows. “I didn’t mean to. I just panicked. I know your reputation and I know I’m so not your type. I guess I kind of went on the defensive before you could hurt me.”
“I’ll never hurt you,” I breathe against her mouth. She kisses me, and it’s all that’s left in the world at that moment.
“I want to show you something.” I lean down to the wood panel and pull out the metal box. Then I remove the key around my neck and hand it to her.
“I always wondered what this was for,” she says as she places the key in the lock.
I stop her when she goes to open the lid. “I’ve never shown anyone this.” I’m suddenly very nervous.
She places a hand over mine. A gesture that tells me to take my time, that she gets it.
I pull out the pictures and place them on the bed, side by side.
She takes her time examining each one.
“She always seemed so happy,” she finally says.
“I know. That’s why it’s so messed up.”
“Tyler . . .”
“It’s all I have left of her,” I say. “Plus Captain. And this.” I place the razor blade on the bed.
I feel her breathing pick up. When I look at her, she has tears in her eyes.
We don’t say anything for a very long time. Until Captain whines from outside the room.
“He’s probably hungry.”
I’m scooping food into Captain’s bowl when Jordyn hugs me from behind. I stand there, scoop in hand, and take it all in. Then I notice the clock. It’s almost seven.
“You should go. I really don’t want you to be here when he gets home.”
“I’m staying, Tyler. I won’t let him hurt you.”
“What scares me more is . . . if he hurts you, I’ll kill him.”
She can tell I’m dead serious, but it’s too late. Dad’s footsteps hit the front steps and the door is flung open.
He stops short of screaming when he sees Jordyn. Then he lets out a sharp snort. “You would hide behind a girl.”
“Dad—”
“Shut the fuck up. Two weeks? Suspended for two fucking weeks?”
“Dad!”
“Mr. Blackwell, he was—”
“Get. Out,” Dad says to Jordyn, his voice barely a whisper, which is so much worse than his yell.
He stares at her and I tense up, preparing for the worst.
“I’m not leaving.” She threads her arm through mine. “Tyler promised to help me with my calculus and I’m not going to fail that class because you’re too goddamn stubborn to hear his side of the story,” she says. Then she takes my good hand and pulls me down the stairs to my room, making sure to lock the door behind her.
I’m too stunned to speak.
I turn to face her and she about passes out in my arms. “Holy shit, he’s scary!”