No Attachments

chapter 24: The Truth is Out

Nathan

"You were hired to find me?" Ashton asked.

"Yes. I'm a private investigator," I answered, ignoring her father. "I was hired a month ago to locate you and report your whereabouts."

"He took his sweet time to contact me though, since according to the motel attendant, he's been in town more than a week," her dad blustered.

She held up her hand to silence her father. Her father, the client. That was a fact I didn't know until tonight. When I took a job, I didn't ask and didn't care who the client was or why he or she wanted someone found. I completed the task because that's all it ever was. The details didn't matter. I'd figured it out earlier while we sat across from the mouthy pissant at the bar, but I wasn't completely sure until Ashton finally told me her whole secret. Everything suddenly made sense. Of course it had to be her father who hired me. It was never a jilted ex-lover like I had assumed.

"You were hired to find me?" she repeated. "And yet, you waited to tell my father. Why?"

I knew the moment she figured it out when her eyes clouded over with hurt and her shoulders slumped in defeat.

"You wanted a piece of ass first," she said, cheapening what we had shared. "I'm such an idiot," she continued with disgust.

"No," I said loudly. "You're forgetting who started this affair."

"That's not fair. You're forgetting who stalked who. At the bar. At the bridge. You charmed me into thinking you were actually interested in me!" she shouted, oblivious to the fact that she was airing our dirty laundry in front of her father.

"I was interested in you," I ground out through gritted teeth. "I'm still interested in you," I said, reaching for her.

She looked at my outstretched hand hesitantly before jerking away.

"You lied to me too," I reminded her. "You neglected to tell me you were sick and had run away from home," I goaded her, letting my own frustration get the best of me.

"You're right. I have no right to judge you," she said, brushing a tear away. "No attachments, right? That was the deal," she said, heading for her cottage.

I stood on the porch as her words hit me like a fist to the gut.

"I would trounce you for seducing my daughter if I wasn't convinced she just did it for me," her father said, making his way across the porch.

His hand was on the doorknob when my words stopped him. "She's sick," I said as despair crawled its way up my throat.

"I know," he said, his own shoulders drooping. "I knew it the moment she left. She's always been so goddamn worried about what her sickness will do to me. It's partially my fault. I was a mess when we lost her mother. Ashton was left to pick up the pieces and make us a family again even though we were missing such an important piece. We were finally learning to live without her when Ashton got sick," he added, turning to face me.

"She's convinced the cancer won't rest until it takes her," I said, repeating her words from earlier. "She doesn't want to fight it."

"I could see her thinking that. It nearly took her the last time. Sometimes, when I saw the intense pain she was in, I almost wished the cancer would win so she wouldn't feel the pain anymore."

"What are you going to do now?" I asked, frightened by the defeat in his voice. The thought that he was taking her home so she could die scared me beyond belief.

"I'm going to leave the decision to her, but I'm going to stay by her side whatever she decides."

"You have to make her fight," I said with a ragged edge in my voice.

"Why?"

"Because I love her," I admitted, expecting him to tell me I was crazy.

"I suspected as much, which is why I didn't shove your nuts down your throat for touching her," he said, turning away from me. "Despite your delay, I'm thankful you found my daughter," he added, stepping into the cottage and closing the door behind him.

I stood looking at the door for several moments, fighting the urge to storm in and rage at Ashton for giving up. Instead, I forced myself to walk away. I would come back in the morning and tell her our no-attachment deal was void, that I was one hundred percent attached. I would make her see reason so she would know I would be at her side, fighting along with her. Tomorrow everything would look better.

I was wrong.

***

Ashton's car and the sedan from the airport were gone when I arrived at the cottage the next morning after a sleepless night. My fears were confirmed when I peered in the living room window and saw that all of her personal belongings were gone. She'd left without saying anything. Maybe our affair had been nothing to her. Was it possible all my feelings were completely one-sided? She'd warned me not to fall in love with her, claiming one of us would get hurt. Considering it was my chest that felt like a hole had been ripped out of it, I was guessing I was the one in this scenario.

I left her cottage in a pain, berating myself for allowing another woman to rip out my heart and stomp on it. This was why I had set my rules. Rules that should never be broken. I returned to the motel and methodically began to pack my personal items. I left the pictures on the wall until the end, intending to tear them up and throw them away since I no longer needed them. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I took each picture down with painstaking care before stowing them carefully in my briefcase. Twenty minutes after entering my room, I was on the road, heading out of town. I looked forward to the long drive home. It would give me time to get my head back on straight.

Passing through town, I saw Fran's store up on the left. I had every intention to continue to drive by. There was no reason to prolong my agony, but my vehicle seemed to have a mind of its own as I turned into the dirt parking lot. It wasn't until I was standing in front of the store that I realized it was closed since it was Sunday. I turned back toward my vehicle when a voice called my name. Fran approached me, squinting in the bright sunlight reflecting off the snow-covered ground.

"I was just on my way to come see you," she said, finally reaching my side.

"You would have missed me. I'm headed out."

"Then I'm glad you stopped by before you left. Ashton stopped by this morning on her way out of town. She left something for you," she said, extracting a letter from the pocket of her apron.

"Did you know?" I asked, reaching for the envelope.

"About the cancer?"

I nodded.

"Yes. Ashton confided her secret to me when she applied for the job. I guess working in a general store in some hick town was on that list of hers. She told me I didn't even have to pay her, she'd just be grateful to be able to mark it off her list. Of course, turns out it was me who was grateful," she said gruffly. "I took to that girl almost immediately. I'll miss her," she added, swallowing hard.

"Me too," I said, shoving the letter in my jacket pocket. "It was a pleasure to meet you, Fran," I added, reaching to shake her hand.

"I don't shake hands with family," she said, pulling me in for a hard hug. "You give my girl time. She'll tell you when she's ready to face her feelings for you."

I nodded, though I was doubtful.

"You come back and see me someday," she said, turning to leave. "And bring that girl's handsome father with you," she added with a smile.

I waited until she was back in her house before I headed back to my vehicle with the letter burning a hole in my pocket. I drove past the Woodfalls welcome sign, unable to believe it had been just more than a week ago that I drove by it the first time. Merging onto the highway, I ignored the letter in my pocket that taunted me every mile I put between Woodfalls and me. Several hours later, I finally pulled off the highway into a rest stop that had been placed in the middle of a wooded area. I reached in my pocket and pulled out the letter, opening it slowly.



Nathan,

How do you write a Dear John letter to someone who changed your life so completely in one short week? I've spent the entire night wondering how I would ever be able to tell you how sorry I am for hiding the truth from you. I thought if I kept things casual neither of us would get hurt. I was wrong. You were right about me. I've been so scared of facing the sickness again. I was scared if I decided to fight, it would win in the end anyway. What I wasn't counting on was meeting someone who would give me a reason to fight it. Someone who would change the way I looked at things, someone who would make me believe in love even when facing mammoth obstacles. So I'm going to fight. All I ask is that if my feelings aren't one-sided that you wait to come to me. Wait for me to fight it. I plan on beating it again but if I don't, I can't stomach having you watch me die. If you feel anything for me, I ask that you respect my wishes.

Love with all my heart today, tomorrow, for the rest of my life,

Ashton Garrison