I haven’t kept tabs on her in what feels like forever and I open up Google on my laptop to do a quick search, icy shock washing over me yet again when I read one of the first articles that comes up in the search for Katherine Watts.
Unauthorized Movie Planned Based on Katherine Watts’s Abduction
Shit.
Distance. I promised to keep my distance and I truly believed it was the right thing to do. She thought I would freak over what happened to her. I know she would freak if she knew who I really was. Our situation has gotten completely out of hand and I don’t know how I can fix it. I feel helpless.
But I can’t let this go on any longer. I need to make sure she’s all right.
Grabbing my phone, I send her a quick text asking if she’s okay, but she doesn’t reply.
Over two hours later and she still hasn’t replied. Which means she’s not okay and she most likely hates my guts. I should be happy with this. It’s what I wanted. What I should’ve done from the very start. I didn’t need to interfere with her life so much. But one touch and I was a goner. Spending time with her, making her smile, making her laugh . . . I wanted more of that. Learning her taste, finding out what makes her feel good, what gives her pleasure . . .
I want all of that.
But from the moment I walked into her life, I’ve brought her nothing but turmoil. I had nothing to do with the movie and my dad’s interview, but I feel like I did. It almost feels like I’m responsible. Yeah, she opened herself up to all sorts of scrutiny after the interview with Swanson . . .
Including scrutiny from me. Seeing her on TV broke open all the memories, all the forgotten longing and need. So much need. Having her in my life once more, the both of us consenting adults, I knew from the moment our gazes first met what I wanted from her. More than just friendship. More than just me watching over her and ensuring her safety.
I wanted her, body and soul, as much a part of me as breathing.
No matter how wrong my feelings are, I can’t resist them. Knowing all the potential consequences, knowing what I’m doing isn’t right, that if she found out the truth she’d be crushed, it doesn’t stop me. My intentions might be good.
My methods are horrible. Dishonest. And I hate liars.
Yet here I am lying my ass off to Katie. The one I want to protect. She doesn’t know it yet, but she’s mine.
And despite how fucked up I am over this, I can never let her go.
Frustration rippling through me, I grab my phone once again and fire off another text, not caring how abrupt I sound. Hoping like hell she’ll do what I ask.
The coffee shop we first went to—meet me there tomorrow at 3.
If she doesn’t, I will have to let her go once and for all. I won’t have a choice. But if she responds—or even better, shows up—then I need to tell her the truth.
Even if it kills me.
“Don’t you dare go meet him at that coffee shop,” Brenna sniffs, leaning away from my phone after I show her the text. “Who does he think he is, anyway, bossing you around like that? Demanding that you meet him somewhere without a please or thank-you. Texting you out of the blue after you don’t hear from him for days, acting like the concerned, caring boyfriend. It’s a bunch of crap if you ask me.”
I stare at my phone, half listening to my sister’s tirade on my behalf as I contemplate whether I should answer Ethan or not. Everything inside of me is screaming to not say a word. Or to tell him I have other plans. After all, I’m the one who told him we should take some time apart. It’s my fault he hasn’t contacted me.
And I truly thought it best that he wasn’t a part of my life anymore. I was setting myself up for disappointment. Surely it would have ended sooner or later, so why not end it now? Before I can get too hurt?
But I’m already hurt. I miss him so much my body aches. I can’t move on with my life if he’s not in it. I just . . .
I can’t.
That secret, dark part that both wants and fears his touch is begging to see him, to hold him. Kiss him. To just go to that coffee shop, stare at his handsome face, and listen to what he has to say. Then dig up some courage and tell him I miss him. That I need him in my life. That I can’t go on like this without him.
Would I, though? Was I brave enough to reveal my true feelings to him? I want to be, but I don’t know if I can. I hardly know him, yet he has this hold on me I can’t explain. I’m not ready to give him up, no matter how many times he pushes me away.
And that makes me feel weak. Yet pushing him away this time around doesn’t make me feel any stronger, either.
“You’d better not answer him,” Brenna says, her firm voice breaking through my conflicting thoughts.
With a sigh I set the phone down on the table between us, snatching it closer when Brenna makes like she’s going to take it away from me. “I won’t answer him, I swear.” At least, I won’t answer him at this very moment. Can’t promise I won’t answer him later, though . . .