“Ethan.” I call his name but he ignores me, stopping in the spot where the charm might have fallen. He starts looking, pulling his phone out of the back pocket of his jeans and turning the flashlight on so he can see better. I watch helplessly as he searches everywhere, around the buildings, along the sidewalk, the light from his phone creating a silvery glow that seems to highlight the raindrops falling from up above and make them sparkle.
“Help me, Katie,” he says and I leap into action, feeling like an idiot for not doing so sooner. We scan the entire area, at one point Ethan falling to his hands and knees, grimacing as he looks through the discarded trash that lines the gutter of the sidewalk. I imagine all the many feet that have passed over the very spot where he’s kneeling through the years.
I can’t believe he’s doing this for me.
“There’s no point,” I tell him when he finally stands and brushes his hands against the front of his jeans. I blink away the rain dotting my face, obscuring my vision. “It’s gone.” A sob falls from my lips at the last word and I cover my mouth with my hand as I start to cry.
He approaches me, his expression despondent, his eyes full of so much sadness and worry. All of it for me. “Katie. Baby, don’t cry. We’ll find it, I promise. I’ll do whatever it takes to find that charm for you.”
“It d-doesn’t m-matter.” My teeth are chattering and I’m having a hard time catching my breath.
Ethan grabs hold of my upper arms and pulls me in close. Even with the cold rain falling, his clothes drenched, I can still feel the warmth of his body reaching toward me, consoling me. I try my best to absorb it. “It matters to you,” he says, his voice quiet and earnest. “I’m so sorry I lost it.”
“It wasn’t your fault.” I shake my head, press my lips together. “The charm fell off a few days ago and I thought I fixed it. But I guess I didn’t.” Another sob escapes me and I lean forward, pressing my face against Ethan’s damp hoodie sweatshirt. “I can’t believe I lost it.”
He strokes my wet hair, his mouth close to my temple as he murmurs, “I’ll find it. I swear to God I’ll . . .”
His voice drifts and he pulls away, disentangling himself from me. I watch in stunned disbelief as he walks over to a nearby building, a small stand that sells ice cream. A bright red counter lines the front, where they keep napkin holders and cups full of spoons. Ethan reaches out, scoops up something into the palm of his hand, and approaches me, opening his hand to reveal what he’s found.
My guardian angel charm.
“Oh my God,” I whisper just before I tackle him. He clenches his fist around the charm when I throw myself at him, my arms wrapped around his neck, my mouth on his as I give him a quick, grateful kiss. “You found it.”
He smiles, his face wet from the rain, his arms tight around my waist as he pulls me into his embrace. “I promised you.” Another kiss, this one a little longer, a little deeper, and a sigh leaves me when he pulls away. “I’ll never break a promise to you, Katie.”
His words . . . are another echo of Will. It’s eerie, how they’re suddenly reminding me of each other. I blame it on my thoughts drifting toward Will lately. I’m just superimposing old feelings I had for Will on Ethan. Memories and emotions that are heightened because of what we went through, what Will and I suffered together.
It’s nothing. The two of them are nothing alike.
“Thank you.” He kisses me before I can say another word, his lips soft and clinging to mine. I open for him, feel that first sweep of his tongue, and I meet it with my own, my fingers curling around his neck, my lower body pressing into his. I’m in the cold, misty rain, out in the middle of the very amusement park where I was kidnapped, where horrible things happened to me, and it’s okay. I’m creating new memories, ones that wipe away the old.
And strangely meld two people together, one a boy.
The other a man.
She follows me back to my place, her car right behind mine as I drive slower than usual so I don’t lose her. My mind races the entire drive, my thoughts chaotic as I navigate us through shitty traffic, the rain only making things worse.
All I want to do is get her back to my place in one piece. Where I then plan on taking her completely apart. Bit by bit, piece by piece, until she’s a trembling, naked, incoherent mess. And the only one who can satisfy her needs is . . .
Me.
Seeing her wearing the bracelet I gave her all those years ago tore me up. Knowing that she kept it all this time, hearing her describe who gave it to her—me—shredded my soul. I meant something to her. After all this time believing I was worthless, that Katie hated me and believed I had something to do with her kidnapping, to find out that she considered Will a friend. That she kept the bracelet I gave her and was devastated when she thought she lost it . . .
I scrub a hand over my face as I pull into my driveway. Fuck. I don’t know how to feel anymore. She deserves the truth. I know that. But I don’t want to ruin what tonight can bring. I need her. I want her. I tell her who I really am, I blow her mind with the truth, and I’m putting everything at risk.
Everything.
And I can’t do that. Not tonight. I need one night with her. Just one.