“Why are you leaving?” Liam asks. “It’s still early.”
I wave my hand at him. “Harrison doesn’t want me here.”
Harrison looks up, his eyes sharp. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
I shrug and take the last sip of my beer, emptying the bottle. I wave and turn away from them, taking cautious steps toward the door. When I’m outside, I lean up against the wall, letting the cold night wash over me. I’m so stupid to think someone like Harrison would be interested in me. I may be drunk, but I remember the dinner we shared not so long ago. It was nice being there with him and the kids. No expectations, just friends. Just when I think I can take that step to be more to him, he finds someone else.
I roughly wipe tears away from my cheeks and push off the wall. I need to walk. I need to calm down and sober up before going home. This is the second time I’ve gotten drunk because of him and my stupid feelings. I can’t do it anymore.
“Where’re ya going?” He pulls my hand. I turn and fall into him. He catches me, his hand cupping my face. He gently lifts my face. “Why the tears?”
I shrug and look down. I don’t want him to see my tear streaked face. “I’m a sloppy drunk.”
Harrison chuckles. “Oh, I don’t know about that. I happen to enjoy drunk Katelyn.”
“She’s stupid.”
“She’s honest and lets her feelings show.”
“I’m confused.”
“That’s makes two of us,” he says as he lifts my face again and looks at me, his eyes going back and forth.
“You have beautiful eyes.”
“Everything about you is beautiful.”
I step forward and rest my forehead on his chest. He sets his arm around my neck, holding me to him.
“Why did you say I didn’t want you here?” he asks. I was hoping he’d forget, but apparently I haven’t been missing from the table that long.
“I don’t know. Josie told me you wrote that song –”
“Yeah, so?”
“So I thought you’d want to spend time with her,” I whisper. I pull back so I can make a quick escape when he tells he plans to start seeing his crush.
“I am spending time with her.”
I look up immediately to find him smiling down at me.
“Come on, I’ll take you home.”
Harrison leads me into the parking lot. He doesn’t say anything to make me uncomfortable with the situation. I’m not sure how to take what he said, but I do know I’m listening loud and clear. The song that Liam sang tonight is about me, and Harrison wrote it.
I’ve never had a song written about me before and that alone makes me feel loved and nervous all in one. I don’t know what my response should be, but I know what’s it’s going to be. I can’t continue to fight my feelings. It’s taking far too much effort on my part to deny what my body and heart are telling me. This man… the one with his arm around me protectively has dealt with my bullshit, my hot and cold reactions to him and most importantly, treats my children with the utmost respect. I’d be a fool to walk away from something that could be an eye-opening experience.
I just need to find the words to tell him.
The hot water beats down my neck and back. I roll my head from side to side hoping to loosen the muscles. I think I’m going to start paying someone to mow my own lawn because mowing two twice a week, plus band practice is starting to take its toll. Either that, or my age is finally catching up with me. I can’t give up mowing Katelyn’s yard. It’s worth it just to see her bend over her flowerbed. I have to say she has the finest roses in Beaumont. Not that I’m looking at any other roses, but the preening she’s been doing is starting to show.
I turn the water on hotter and work my muscles. Maybe I need to workout or play the drums more. I definitely need to bring my other set back from Los Angeles when we go. I want to ask Katelyn if she’d like to drive back with me, but I haven’t found the right moment. That would be a huge step in any direction, and while I know I’m ready, I’m not sure she is. But she’s getting there. I can feel it.
Last night was interesting. I’ve never run after a woman before, but seeing Katelyn about to cry and question whether I wanted her there not only confused me, but almost had me standing on the stage proclaiming my undying affection for her. Josie told me that she spilled on the song we played, but did so in an offhanded way because she didn’t want to come right out and say it.
When I found Katelyn outside, I wanted to hold her in my arms and show her how much she means to me. Last night, I saw something in her eyes, in the way she looked at me. I can only hope my instinct is right because if it is, I think I’ll be seeing her a bit more, especially away from the studio.
I’m going to follow my intuition on this one and the next time I see her, I’m going to tell her… I don’t know what, but I’ll say something to her. Maybe that will open her eyes. I’ll let her into my world if she’ll give me one little glimpse of hers. That’s all I ask for.