I sit back and study my son… the matchmaker, who knew? I like… no I fucking love that she’s nice to him and nothing would make me happier than for her give us a chance. I look out into the courtyard and watch a few people while I compose my thoughts. Dads and moms with their kids all getting ready for school, and here I am living the single life because I’m afraid to love anyone, except her. There’s something about her and I don’t know if I can say it’s just one thing. I love her hair, her eyes, or maybe it’s the way her lip curls when she’s really happy. She doesn’t know that I watch her like I do. That I take in her presence every chance I get.
I don’t know how to answer my son. For the first time ever, I’m going to clam up and keep my thoughts to myself for fear of what I might say. “Come on, let’s go to Noah’s. You can play and I can work for a bit.”
Quinn cleans up and carries the tray to the garbage can. He walks a bit slower. He’s either tired or thinks he’s done something to upset me. I bump him lightly, earning a grin, one that hasn’t changed from when he was a baby.
I can’t get Quinn’s comments out of my head. Pounding on the drums doesn’t do anything to alleviate my stress either. Every time I close my eyes I see her beneath me and hate that it’s all in my imagination. I need to get over her, to move on and get her out of my system.
The song that I had been working on during the tour is on replay in my mind. I pull the lyrics out of my pocket and pick up a pen. I know Liam has written songs about Josie and continues to do so. He says it’s one of the best things about them. He writes and sings to her and she’s instantly dropping her panties for him. Not that I want Katelyn to do that… right away, but it would be nice for the hot and cold to stop. I feel her heart race when we’re together, I know she wants it, but refuses to see that we can be anything more than what we are. Maybe if she doesn’t want to see how I feel, my words can convince. Maybe if she hears words from my heart about how I feel, those are from me and meant for her, she’ll stop and think about what we could be together.
“What are you working on?”
I spin on my stool to find Liam picking up his guitar. There’s no point in hiding the lyrics from him any longer, not if I want Katelyn to hear them. I hand him the paper, he takes it and starts moving his head up and down. He can already hear himself singing the words.
“When did you write this?”
“That night after the bar.”
“This is really good. Want to give it a go?”
“I don’t know. It’s about…” I shake my head and pick up my drumsticks. “I like her. Quinn likes her. I don’t know what to do.”
“She’ll come around and if she doesn’t, move on. Her loss.”
He strums his guitar and starts with the first line. He writes down some notes and starts over until he’s found a melody that will work.
“Why the change of heart?” I ask.
“I’ve known Katelyn for a long time, but have spent all my adult life with you. I want to see you happy and if it’s her, great and if not, great. But I’m not going to get in the middle. I’ll just encourage. Speaking of, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about Katelyn,” he says without taking his eyes off the paper.
“Yeah, why?”
“Do you think she can do this job or not?”
I spin my drumstick between my fingers while I contemplate his question. Technically, no, I don’t think she can do the job, but we hired her knowing she had no experience.
“I think she’ll learn. I think that we threw her into the tour without any experience and the things that happened, do you really think she double booked us like that?”
Liam looks up. His eyes steady on mine. “No, but I’m not sure I can get over it.”
I nod. “Yeah, I hear ya.”
I don’t know what we’re going to do. Liam fired Sam and I was okay with that, but I’m not willing to let the band suffer for lack of a manager. We left Los Angeles assuming we could make it here, but maybe we can’t. Maybe we need to spend more time in L.A. working. The band is too important to let shit slide.
“Maybe things will get better.”
Liam smirks as he writes down a note. Maybe I’m just the eternal optimist and don’t want to give up the slight hope I have of making her see the real me. Not the guy she kisses and walks away from.