Quinn is nothing like me. He’s confident and self-assured, making friends easily. I was shy and awkward, always alone, never fitting in. I thank my lucky stars that he’s different from me. I’m not sure how’d I’d handle things if he had a childhood like I did.
We walk to our car; the non-descript family car that I bought when we moved here so we wouldn’t draw unwanted attention with something flashy. I still have my motorcycle in the garage, but haven’t really taken it out much, aside from a few rides with Liam. I’m trying to live a normal life, one away from the balance in my checkbook, and give Quinn a quiet life, which is why I let Meghan go and didn’t ask her to move with us. Quinn has spent far too much time in her care because of my job, and now Liam’s provided me an opportunity to be home more.
Driving into town, I can’t help but look over at him while he watches the scenery pass him by. He’s well adjusted and acts like nothing bothers him and I want to believe that, but sometimes question if he needs something else, mainly a mom. Not that I’m going to run out and get married, but maybe bringing Meghan here is an option.
I pull into the parking lot of the mall and look around at all the other parents taking their kids shopping. Now I know why I never cared when my mom took Quinn shopping. This place is nuts.
“Grandma sent me a list of things she usually buys you. She didn’t tell me the mall would be like this, though.”
Quinn starts to laugh as he gets out of the car. I follow, locking it behind us. “It’s not so bad. Grandma always bought me ice cream though.” He looks up at me and bats his eyes.
I shake my head. “Of course she did,” I say as I throw my arm around him. We walk toward the lion’s den, the James men, brave… and incredibly stupid.
Quinn walks from store to store with me following behind, carrying his bags. I never knew my son was such a shopper; that definitely has to be Yvie rubbing off on him. I can’t remember a time when I’d step foot in a shopping center. They scare me. People just stare at me. We manage to get everything on my mom’s list and then some.
“Hey, Dad?”
“What’s up, bud?”
“Are you and Katelyn going to be boyfriend and girlfriend?”
I put the boots back on the shelf and try to compose my thoughts. This is exactly why I’ve never brought anyone home. I don’t want Quinn getting attached to anyone. Katelyn’s around because she works for the band and because of Liam and Josie, but he knows I like her.
“Nah, I don’t think so.”
I watch as his face drops.
“Come on, let’s go get some lunch and we’ll talk about it.” I put my hand on his shoulder and guide us out of the store. I nod at the cashier when we pass and turn toward the food court. We order from the staple of every mall food court, McDonald’s, and find a place to sit that can accommodate our bags. I’m thankful that no one is paying enough attention to notice me. I’m not in the mood to sign autographs today.
“Do you ever talk to Elle or Peyton?”
Quinn shrugs. “Not really. Peyton is always with Noah, but she doesn’t talk much.”
“You know that their dad died last year, right?”
He nods as he sticks a french fry in his mouth. “Yeah, Noah talks about Mason all the time. It’s sad that they lost their dad.”
“It is, I agree, and sometimes it’s hard for people to move on after they’ve lost someone they love so much.”
“Is that why Peyton is always upset?”
I nod. “I think so. From what Liam has told me, Peyton and her dad were very close and she’s having trouble adjusting.”
Quinn watches some of the people around us. He picks at his lunch, not really engaging in eating it.
“You okay?”
He shrugs. “I kinda thought Katelyn was going to be my mom. I saw you guys together and know you like her. I don’t know. Noah is always talking about great it is to have two parents and I know you like her and I think she likes you. I just thought…” His voice carries off while he plays with the wrapper from his straw. He doesn’t look me in the eyes, but down at his hands.
“What if he’s not mine?” I continue to pace. I was counting my steps, but lost count after five thousand.
“Of course he’s yours, Harrison, he looks just like you.”
I roll my eyes and pull on my lip ring. “He looks like the old man next door, doesn’t make him mine.”
My mom stands, setting Quinn – that’s the name I gave him – on her shoulder. She rubs his back, soothing him, not that’s he’s crying but he likes that.
“What if she comes back and takes him away?”
“Harrison,” mom steps closer and puts her hand on my arm. “I remember a day, a few months back, when you wouldn’t even look inside his car seat and now you’re worried she’s going to come back?”
I shrug. “He’s my life, I love him.”
Tears glisten in her eyes. I have to look away. I hate when she cries. It only took a day, which in my opinion was far too long, before I picked him up. I didn’t know what I was doing. He was crying and rocking him wasn’t working so I took a chance and the moment he nuzzled into my neck, I was a goner.