“Because I want you to know me.”
My answer isn’t enough for her. She turns and walks out into the hall, toward her room. I step out, leaning against the door jam and watch her walk to her room. She stands at her door. Her hand comes up to her face and across her cheek. Fucking great, I made her cry. She doesn’t offer me a look before entering her door. The click echoes down the hall, effectively ending the best and worst minutes of my life.
I sit down on the couch and stretch out. I don’t know what else I can do to get her attention. Maybe I should stop. I should take her walking away from me as a sign. But I’m in too deep. Too far gone to give up, and I don’t know if I can be her friend anymore. Something has to give.
I rub my hands up and down my face before screaming out in frustration. Life isn’t supposed to be like this. I’ve waited for the right one to come along, and when she finally does, she’s so torn up after losing her husband that I don’t stand a chance in hell.
I should’ve known better.
I should’ve…
I search frantically for a piece of paper and a pen, finding one in Quinn’s backpack. Sitting back down, I clear the coffee table of his games and start writing.
I set my pen down and read over the words. I like how they are coming together, how she’s bringing this out of me.
I get up and pace. My fingers play with my missing lip ring. Sometimes I wish I still had it, but Quinn would’ve yanked it out when he was younger had I kept it. I read the lyrics that I wrote down. My chicken scratch is barely legible. School definitely doesn’t prepare you for stardom. Maybe if I paid more attention in handwriting class, I wouldn’t groan internally each time I’m asked for an autograph. I stop and play the air drums with the lyrics running through my head.
I have to scramble back to the couch when the next verse works its way into my subconscious.
I hold the paper in my hand. I can’t help but smile. The first song I wrote about my feelings turned out to be shit; Liam won’t even sing it, but this… this has number one written all over it.
The high of my accomplishment quickly wears off. I have no one to share this with. Quinn is having a sleepover with Noah and Liam has Josie. JD is god-knows-where and with whom. Me? I’m alone, clutching an inked up piece of paper with a bunch of cross-outs, thinking I’ve just written a masterpiece. God, I’m such a fool. This isn’t any better than the first song I gave him. I know Liam says we need to express ourselves more, but come on. I can’t. I’ve never been good at this. I’m the silent one in the corner. The one you miss when you walk into a room. This isn’t me.
I crumple the lyrics up in to a ball and throw them toward the trashcan. The paper drops about a foot in front of it. Great, I can’t even make a basket. My phone vibrates in my pocket. I look at the clock, two a.m.
“It’s early.”
“Or late depending on where you are.”
“This is true. What’s up, Yvie?”
“Not much,” she sighs into the phone. There is definitely something bothering her or she wouldn’t be calling.
“You’re lying. I hate it when you lie to me.”
“I know,” she says quietly. “I just miss you and it’s not really a lie.”
“I miss you, too.” I lean forward and rest my elbows on my knees. I should be in bed. We are doing Disney in the morning. I could probably talk Quinn out of going first thing, but the other kids want to go and he needs to be with his friends. “So, missing me is the problem or is something else going on?”
“I have news.”
“Oh yeah, what’s that?” I ask.
“I’ll be staring on Broadway in Enchantment,” Yvie says excitedly.
“Congratulations. When do you leave?”
“In a week.”
“That’s awesome, I’m very proud of you, Yvie.”
“Thank you. Now tell me why you’re awake. I know you didn’t have a show tonight.”
This time I’m the one sighing.
“What’s her name?”
“What makes you think there’s a woman involved?” I ask, trying to fight the grin that’s about to spread across my face. Katelyn, and how things were left, are definitely nothing to smile about.
“Quinn may have mentioned something when I called him earlier.”
“Traitor,” I say as I shake my head. I love that he and Yvie are close, even though we are living so far apart. It’s important for him to confide in her. She’s been like an older sister to him. “I like someone who can’t or won’t like me back.”
“Quinn says she lost her husband.”