There is a glint in his eye and I think he’s remembering when I touched him earlier. I didn’t mean to, at least I don’t think I did. It felt natural to put my hand on his back and wish him good luck.
He leans in and whispers something in Elle’s ear and whatever it is causes her to break into a dead sprint toward me. My arms are out before she jumps into them. I hug her tightly, but feel empty. I look over at Peyton and wave her over to me, but she ignores me. Doesn’t she know my arms feel empty without both my girls in them?
“Mommy, did you watch the concert?”
Her exuberance pleases me. I want them to enjoy this adventure and not beg to go home. I’m liking my job, aside from Liam’s outburst earlier, and don’t want to give it up, but if they aren’t happy, I will.
“I did. Did you watch it?”
“Oh yes and we could feel the music through the walls. My heart was pounding so fast.”
“Mine too.” I put her down and hold her hand in mine. We walk over to Peyton, who turns away from us.
“Hey, Peyton. Are you ready to go?”
She shrugs.
“Elle, why don’t you go get your things ready while I talk to Peyton.” I kiss her on her cheek and watch as she walks away. She has a spring in her step and wonder if she’s even coping with Mason’s death or if Peyton is right. Elle’s mine, whereas Peyton and Mason were attached at the hip.
I reach out and pull Peyton’s hand into mine, she tries to jerk away, but I don’t allow her to. I don’t want to be stern with her, but if I need to, I’ll do what I must to make her understand that she’s mine too, with or without Mason.
“Did you watch Uncle Liam on stage?”
“No.” Her response is sharp.
“Why not?”
“I don’t care.”
“That’s not true.” I bend down and try to look at Peyton, but she refuses to make eye contact with me. “Peyton, you can talk to me about everything you’re thinking.”
“No, I can’t because you’ll cry.”
She’s right, I will. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t cry for Mason.
“I’ll try not to cry, but I miss your dad just like you and Elle do. It’s hard, but things are getting better. We’re on this trip with all our friends and we’re going to go to Disney World. Uncle Liam is doing a lot to help us heal, don’t you think we should at least try?”
She shakes her head and turns so I can only see her back. Her hand comes up and swipes at her face. It breaks my heart to see her cry and not be able to do anything for her.
I look over my shoulder and offer Liam what probably looks like a grimace. When I stand, he pulls me into his arms.
“She’ll come around,” he whispers into my ear so no one else can hear him. I nod and rest my head on his shoulder. He kisses me softly on the cheek and leaves me to tend to my heart-broken child.
I run my hand through her long brown hair, twirling her curls with my fingers when I get to the ends. I love her curls. Both she and Elle have been blessed with such beautiful hair. Women pay big bucks for this look.
“Come on, sweetie.” I pick her up and hold her in my arms. I don’t know what to do, but I feel like a total failure of a mother.
Elle is ready and waiting with everyone, holding Harrison’s hand. I want to laugh at the sheer difference between the two of them. There stands a man, with his excessively tattooed arms holding hands with a petite wannabe cheerleader. Holding his other hand is his son. When you look at Quinn, you can tell that he belongs to a drummer by the way he dresses, with his red velvet jacket, the collar up and his black pants. He’s a smaller version of Harrison and already carries himself full of confidence. But my Elle, she’s opposite, prissy almost; always in a dress with her hair done just right. She’d wear make-up if I’d let her. This unlikely trio is like night and day and I’m on the outside watching as this man develops a relationship with my daughter. Sometimes it makes me want to scream and sometimes I want to be thankful that she’s okay talking to him, or anyone for that matter because I just don’t have the answers for her right now. I don’t even have the answers for Peyton, who needs me the most.
Harrison looks over his shoulder and smiles at me. For the first time I don’t hesitate and smile back. Maybe we can be friends, nothing more, though. He’s not my type and I love my husband, whether he’s here to love me back or not.
I follow everyone out and onto the bus. Peyton hasn’t moved, her hands are locked tight around my neck. If I let go, she’d hang off me like a monkey. I’m tempted to try this, but that was something Mason did with the girls. He’d let them climb all over him and never tell them to get down. It didn’t matter what he was doing, even if he was watching football, the girls acted like he was a jungle gym.
“Girls, get down. Your dad is trying to scout the game.”
“They’re fine, babe.”
“No, they aren’t. You have work to do.”