“Good luck, Harrison,” she says. I’m not sure how I can hear her over the crowd, but I do. I feel the smallest of pressure on my back. I turn slightly and look at her. She allows us the briefest of eye contact before turning away. That’s enough to spur me into action. I brush past JD and Liam, who both slap me on the back, and turn left and count my steps. One, two, three, four and turn right. Another five and I’m sitting on my stool. I spin once before pulling my drumsticks out of my back pocket.
I hit the cymbal and the crowd roars. Even through the darkness I know JD and Liam are on stage waiting for me to get things started. I raise my arms above my head and bang my sticks together for a count of five. My sticks slam down on my drums and the lights come on. The fans scream just as Liam and JD starts their riffs.
It’s pure magic.
My arms are sore. My t-shirt drenched in sweat. My feet kick the dozen or so water bottles that clutter the floor around my drums. The fans continue to chant, even though we’ve done three encores. I’m the last to leave the stage. I don’t acknowledge the crowd the way Liam and JD do. I slip out as quietly as I can. I’m seconds behind the curtains when the lights come on. The groan of the crowd is loud and I can’t help but internally fist pump. Even without Moreno Entertainment, we still have it.
I swing open the door to the kids’ room and Quinn jumps into my arms. A piece of me will die when he’s too big to do this. Right now, I wrap my arms around my boy and hug the shit out of him because he still wants this.
“You were awesome, Dad.”
“Thanks, buddy.” I set him down, but he doesn’t leave my side. He’s tired. I can tell. It takes a while to adjust to our longer nights. I’m thankful we are doing this tour during the summer because I’m ready for him to experience school the way I did, except for the parts that I didn’t like.
Cold hands clamp around my leg. I look down to find Elle looking up at me. I smile at her, only to be rewarded with the biggest smile I’ve ever seen. Who knew after one sleepless night that we’d be friends? I crouch down so that I’m level with her. Quinn stands tall, my hand set on the back of his leg so he can more or less hold me up. I’m too exhausted to trust myself not to fall over.
“I saw you throw your sticks lots a times.”
“You did? Did you remember that I was doing it for you?”
Elle nods. “Peyton didn’t care though. She didn’t watch the show.”
“It’s okay. Maybe she’ll watch next time.” I look over at Peyton, who is standing in the corner with arms crossed over her chest. She looks up, her face stoic, when the door opens again. Noah runs up to Liam and Josie, and Elle waves at her mom. It doesn’t go unnoticed that neither girl is running to her. I can see the heartbreak roll over her face. I want to pull her into my arms and tell her that everything will be okay, but that would be crossing so many lines that I know she’s not ready for.
Instead, I do the only thing I know I have a little bit of power over. “I think your mom missed you. Maybe you should go see her,” I whisper into Elle’s ear.
Elle looks at Katelyn and says, “You think?”
I nod. “Yeah, I think so.”
Elle takes off and launches herself into Katelyn’s arms. I stand, pulling Quinn’s hand into mine and look at Katelyn, offering her my sincerest apologies. I want to help her, but I’m not sure if I can.
When the band took their final encore, I felt like I could finally breathe. As the guys left the stage I wanted to clap like I was fan, but held back. I’m so proud of Liam, and seeing this side of him is amazing. He performs with such confidence, just like he did on the football field. I have no doubt he could’ve done either and been successful.
Liam and Jimmy pass me as if I’m nothing more than a common employee. I know that I am, but it still stings. I can’t forget that I’m at their beck and call, not the other way around. I wait for Harrison and I hate that my body shivers in anticipation that he’ll be close again. It shouldn’t feel like this, my body belongs to Mason. I belong to Mason. The lights go on and still no Harrison. I look out and see people moving out of their seats. I take a deep breath and step out onto stage, ready to face Harrison and encourage to him to get back stage. I look at his drum set, empty. He’s already gone and I missed him.
Why do I care that I missed him? I don’t. Or maybe I do and I can’t bring myself to admit that, when he’s in the room, the chaos doesn’t exist. That watching him hold Elle the other night not only hurt, but gave me hope that my girls will heal and if I can’t help them, someone else can and is willing to step up and do it. He didn’t have to hold her all night and sleep in an uncomfortable chair, but he did, and I couldn’t even thank him for it.
Opening the door to the kids’ room, I stand there. Noah is with Liam and Josie, gushing about what he just saw his dad do. Quinn is with Harrison, who is on bended knee and talking with Elle. Peyton, my very sweet and angry child, is in the corner standing defiantly. And no one knows I’m here, except Harrison.