“I’ll call my… Nick,” he says, finishing his sentence. I pat his leg, only for him to move slightly away. The gesture isn’t lost on me. He’s getting older and having his mom touch him isn’t cool.
“I know Nick will like that.” Nick wants to tell Noah that Aubrey is pregnant. I just hope Noah takes it better than the adoption news. He doesn’t realize this now, but I have a feeling he’s going to be an amazing big brother.
The neighborhood where Harrison and Katelyn live is lined with cars. As I make my way to their house there’s a spot in the driveway saying “Reserved for Expectant Mom”.
“I think that’s where you park,” Noah says as I pull in.
“You think so?” I ask, hoping to engage him in a little bit of conversation.
“Yeah, they need you close so you can carry all that crap you’re getting today.”
I look at him questioningly and he shrugs. “What? I looked a baby shower up online and I bet tonight you’ll be sitting in the baby’s room going over everything, saying how I was once that tiny.”
“You were,” I remind him, earning an eye-roll.
He opens his door without saying anything. I hate that he’s growing up. It won’t be long until he’s heading off to the same overnight camps that Liam went to and entering high school. He’ll be walking the same halls that Liam commanded and at the pace he’s going with football, he’ll be making his own mark. Liam has already told him that there’s no shadow looming over him and he’s his own player. That is the one thing Liam fears – that Noah will be compared to him. Neither of us wants that for Noah.
Before I know what’s happening, my son is opening my car door and holding his hand out for me to grab.
“Thank you,” I tell him, my voice catching when he holds his arm out for me to hang onto.
“Dad said I needed to be the man of the house and he would do this, right?”
“He would,” I nod, trying to hold back tears of happiness.
Noah guides me into Katelyn’s house, which has been decorated in massive amounts of blue. Old classmates that I haven’t seen in a long time greet me with congratulatory expressions. A few of them ask where Liam is and I want to say at home because men usually don’t attend baby showers, but I tell them he’s working. Always working.
My mom greets us at the door, offering me a quick hug before crouching down to talk to Noah. He’s taller than her, but she likes looking up at him.
Eden comes running toward me and I scoop her up, relishing in her tiny baby hugs. She babbles non-stop as she and I have our own conversation until she wants down so she can chase the kids. Katelyn and Jenna both pull me into a hug; a hug that means something different to everyone else here. We’re going through something a lot of women don’t understand and as long as we have each other, we should be okay. At least that’s what I’m going to tell myself every day until my husband is back in my arms.
When we pull apart I see the same worry in their faces that I wear on mine. I want to reassure them that everything will be fine, but I can’t even bring myself to think that. This trip means something different for me than it does them. I have a bad feeling that I can’t shake.
“There’s food, lots and lots of food,” Katelyn says as she pulls me into the dining room. The twins are dressed identical in dresses, much to Peyton’s chagrin. If ever there were a walking definition of a tomboy, she’s it. Someday she’ll want to wear dresses; she just doesn’t know it yet. Quinn smiles and starts filling his plate full of food.
“Are you staying?” I ask him.
He shakes his head quickly as his cheeks turn a beautiful pink. “I’ll be upstairs waiting for Noah so we can play video games.”
“I’m sure he’s looking forward to that, Quinn.” He doesn’t say anything else and quickly leaves the room after more women come in.
I make myself a plate of food and grab something to drink. Katelyn signals for me to follow her into the living room where I’m directed to sit in a large chair.
“We’re going to help pass out presents, Aunt Josie,” Elle says, as Peyton sits down next to me.
“You can sit here and help me open them if you want,” I tell her, knowing she’ll be up as soon as she sees her sister getting all the attention. Looking at Peyton, quiet and a bit withdrawn, I want to yell and shake Liam for taking Harrison away from her. She’s just a little girl who wants to be with her dad but can’t.
Everyone gathers around me; most are holding conversations amongst themselves and every now and again I hear Liam’s name. The mumbled mention of him being gone again when another baby is on the way strikes a nerve. I want to stand up and yell, telling them to stop being jealous, catty bitches but I refrain.
Noah appears before me, proudly handing me a present. “Open this one first, Mom. It’s from Dad and me.” Once again I have to fight the tears from coming as I tear open the blue paper.
“It’s a beautiful box,” I tell him, winking. He shakes his head and smiles, knowing that I’m playing with him.