Sometime in the night, Baodan roused me by shaking me lightly on the shoulder and whispering in my ear. “I’m sorry to wake ye, but I canna sleep.”
I stretched and, as I did so, the front of my body pushed into him. I instantly had a pretty good idea of why he woke me. “I told you that you weren’t about to fall asleep.”
He grinned and scooted down on the blanket so that our heads were even. Reaching out with his left hand, he cupped the side of my face and pulled me close. I was wide awake now. His nose touched mine as he stared deep into my eyes. “What was it that ye called them, lass? ‘Balls?’”
I laughed and nodded, the tip of my nose tickling the tip of his. “Yes. Why?”
“If I kiss ye again, will me balls be in danger? I doona wish to meet the same fate as me brother.” He asked it slowly, his eyes teasing me as he brought his lips closer to mine only to pull them away just before they touched.
Slow torture, the tension between us, that made every limb in my body weak and fluttery with the anticipation of imagining his lips claiming mine once more. Our chests rose and fell quickly in a synced rhythm that pained me as if I ran at full speed.
I didn’t answer him. There was no need. Instead I pressed my trembling lips against his and moved slowly against him. He grinned against my mouth, and I nudged his nose as I moved close to trace the center of his upper lip with my tongue.
He groaned and pushed his hips against me. Hard, ready, the solid length of him hurt me in a delicious way as it pressed into the fragile bone protecting my center.
I returned each kiss full force, content to relish in the pleasure of exploring one another until sunrise if he wished it. But as he trailed my face and neck and chest with his lips, I quickly realized that, despite the condition he found himself in, he had no intention of undressing me. He focused all of his attention upward, on kissing me in such a way that each breath I took was not my own but a breath given to me by him as he took claim on my mouth. That in and of itself proved to me just how capable he was of caring.
After his confession, he would think that to sleep with me would make him no better than his brothers. To show respect for me in such a way negated everything that he believed about himself.
For any man incapable of love would not have been so considerate, so selfless.
Chapter 18
We left at sunrise, bidding Alec goodbye before beginning our final leg toward Conall Castle. We’d fallen asleep wrapped in one another’s arms. While I glowed from the make-out session fit to rival the horniest of teenagers, Baodan seemed a little worse for wear.
It wasn’t good for a man to be that ready for that long and do nothing about it. I’d have been happy to help provide him some release, but with his strict and warped perception of himself, it would have tortured him to do more.
He remained quiet all morning, but I didn’t care. I expected he wrestled with what he knew to be true. He did care and, whether I wanted to admit it or not, so did I.
Lost in thought when he nudged me, he pointed out in front at the stone fa?ade in the distance. “We are almost there, lass. Ye will finally be able to see yer Bri.”
I threw my hands up in the air, and he laughed in my ear. “Yay! She’s going to freak out! Do you think she knows I’m coming?”
“I doona know. I would say no, but if the witch could send ye through time, I suppose she could warn Bri of yer arrival, aye?”
“Yes, I’m sure she could. I hope that she hasn’t though. I would like to surprise her.” He slowed Artair and turned him off of our trail. “What are you doing?”
“Do ye mind if we stop just a moment, lass? I need to move me legs a bit.”
*
He didn’t want to get to the castle. Once they were there, he would scarcely see her. He would speak with Bri’s supposed twin, Blaire, for a bit and stay the evening but then he would have no reason to stay, and he couldn’t bear the thought of leaving Mitsy.
He tried to tell himself that he only worried for her safety, but he knew he lied to himself. She would be safer with his cousins than she would be in his own home, for his brothers didn’t live with the Conalls.
Last night had him out of sorts with all that he knew about himself. He’d not experienced joy like that he felt at holding her through the night in many years, but it had also been the worst sort of torture.