“I doona mind that at all in a lass. My beloved wife was much the same way.”
I certainly hadna suspected that of him. I hadna known that he’d been married once before and, while I knew him to be at least five years older than meself, he dinna look it at all. To imagine him with such a past was difficult.
“Aye? I dinna know that ye were married. What? How did she?” I was unsure of how to say what I meant to ask, but I was sure he would understand me meaning well enough.
“How did I lose her, lass? Six years ago, ’tis been. We’d only been married a year when the sickness came for her. I was away on a short trip, gone for only a fortnight to help a man with acquiring a piece of land. I knew not that she’d been ill until I returned home to find her dead. I live with the guilt of no being there with her those last days always.”
That went a long ways toward explaining his attentiveness while I was so ill, and I felt uncomfortable at the thought that my stupidity had caused him to re-live such pain. “I’m verra sorry. I doona know what else to tell ye, save that.”
He shook his head and took a deep breath, seemingly pushing his own dark memories away. “There is naught to say but that, but I appreciate yer kindness. I thought that ye should know before I ask ye what I intend. Yer father has spoken to ye of what I asked him, aye?”
I nodded, swallowing me mouthful of food and scooting me plate away so that I wouldna be tempted to eat more. “He has, but if ye intend to ask it, I’d prefer to hear it from ye as well.”
He smiled and stood, dragging his chair so that it was in front of mine. He resumed his seat and gathered both of me hands in his. “Aye, lass, that would only be right of me, would it no? I shall ask ye what I asked yer father, but I wish to be honest with ye first, if ye would allow me to be so.”
“O’ course. I would wish nothing less than whatever truth ye have to give.”
“I am no in love with ye, lass, and I doona know if I ever will be. Me heart was buried with me wife long ago, but that doesna mean that I doona want a family, and I doona wish to spend the rest of me days alone.”
He paused and looked at me as if unsure if he should say what he wished to say next. “Go on. Say whatever ye wish, and I will no take offense to it.” Truthfully, I was pleased that he dinna offer a confession of love. It would have been unkind of me to accept it when I had none that I could return to him.
“Verra well, lass. I’ve heard some talk that ye yerself have lost a love. Nay on purpose, but yer three bonny friends doona speak as quiet as they sometimes think they do. I’ve come to believe that perhaps yer heart is in much the same place as mine and that it belongs to another and always shall. There was one name that ye whispered during yer fevers over and over again, and I doona wish to cause ye pain by speaking it here.”
Me intake of breath was sharp, and he could see that he’d surprised me. “I dinna know that I’d done so. Bri, Adelle, and Mary never said.”
“I know that ye dinna, lass, and I doubt that they were privy to seeing ye do so, as well. They were often with ye only when ye were awake. I was afraid to speak much with ye, so I kept ye company often while ye slept.”
“Ah.”
He laughed softly before continuing. “Perhaps, I should have kept that to meself, aye? That may be unsettling to ye, but I assure ye, lass, I was only watching over ye to make sure ye were safe and as comfortable as ye could be.”
I squeezed his hand wrapped around me own. “Aye, I know. ’Tis a comfort to know I was so well watched after. Thank ye. I havena told ye thank ye enough for saving me life.”
“I deserve no thanks, lass. Any man but the worst would have done the same. But this is really what I’ve brought ye here to ask of ye.” He fidgeted nervously, and I rubbed me thumb back and forth across his hand to calm him. He smiled as he looked down at our entwined hands. “I believe that we both are of similar hearts and minds, lass. While I know that I canna give ye what ye once had, I can give ye companionship. And I swear to ye that I will offer ye protection and a happy home. As for any children that we may have together, I will love them and serve them for all of me days. Will ye marry me, Blaire?”
Arran was gone. Whether he was happy in his marriage or no, he was now expecting his own child. When he’d said goodbye to me the last time I was in this cottage, he’d certainly meant it. Even word that I might die was no enough to bring him back to me side.
Baodan was a better man than the one who owned me heart, and I wouldna be lucky enough to come by a better offer ever again. “Aye, lad. I’ll marry ye.”
He smiled as he leaned hesitantly forward, gently sealing me promise with a kiss.
Chapter 35
The Castle Formerly Known As Kinnaird