I was ready before midday, all cleaned up, hair pinned back, and looking as presentable as I had in months with nowhere yet to go. The morning’s preparations exhausted me, so shortly after I was ready and Bri, Adelle, and Mary were satisfied with me appearance, I lay down and fell quickly asleep.
It felt as if I’d only drifted for a few short moments, but when I awoke to the feeling of a hand lightly grabbing me own, I opened me eyes to see the light from the setting sun fading out me window.
“I’m sorry, lass. I should have been more specific as to when I planned to come for ye. I feel terrible that ye’ve spent the whole day waiting on me. Ye must be exhausted already.”
I was but I sat up with as much life as I could manage, as I swung me feet over the bed and stood, only lightly shaky. “Nay, doona be sorry. I needed to get up and behave as a human for a while.”
I was certain the back of me hair was a mess after sleeping on it most of the day, but I dinna want to fix it in front of him. What did it matter anyway? I had no real feelings for him, there was no reason to try and impress him.
“Are ye ready, lass? If ye doona feel like ye are ready to leave the castle for a bit, we doon have to do it. I wouldna like for ye to make yerself sick again by doing more than ye are ready to.”
I reached up to grab his arm, the thought of spending one more moment in me bedchamber torturous. “Aye, I couldna be more ready to get outdoors for a while. I shall gladly go wherever ye wish to take me.”
“That is me hope, lass.”
His words made me nervous, and I instantly regretted me previous enthusiasm. I dinna want to make him believe I felt something I dinna. If he intended to ask me what everyone around me seemed to think he was going to, I had no answer for him.
I dinna know the man well enough to love him and, even if I grew to know him well, I was certain me heart was no capable of giving itself to another. Regardless of Bri’s insistence that I was welcome to stay at the castle as long as I wished, I knew it wouldna be right to live a lifetime with them, relying on their charity and friendship.
And Father was right. Even if I couldna have the love that I longed for, I did still someday want children, a notion which before Arran I would have found repulsive. I used to think the idea of children a dreadful thing, but Arran’s love had opened a part of me I hadna known existed, and even though he was gone from me life, those parts of me soul remained open.
Baodan held tightly onto me hand as he moved slowly down the steps of the castle, stopping to allow me to rest often, each step a struggle after being off of me feet for so long.
There was no question that Baodan was a good man. I knew Arran well enough to know that he would no have been as patient with me, and I dinna get the feeling that Baodan struggled with drink as Arran sometimes did. Baodan would be a good father. Perhaps if I did no want to be alone forever, Baodan would be a fine choice of a man to spend me life with.
I dinna yet know, but I set me mind to consider the possibility. I would listen to all he had to say and then hopefully, the right decision would come.
*
He’d lifted me onto his horse with ease. Whether I wanted to or no, I was forced to lean back against him. Me muscles were so weak and tired, I was trembling terribly from the effort it had taken to just make it out of the castle.
Me weak muscles were enough to make me shake, but within moments of leaving, I became certain I knew where we were headed. Not that he could have known. No way could he know of the memories this place would bring up for me, the pain that I had suffered here. No one at the castle, save Adelle would have known that I’d been here before, and I was certain she dinna know that the cottage was where Baodan had planned to take me.
He’d been here today, readying it for this evening, as candles burned inside the windows. The entire place was alight with the soft glow of tiny flames.
Baodan pulled up next to the cottage, dismounting and then carefully helping me off the top of the horse. He continued to hold on to both of me elbows, to help me stay steady, as he led me inside.
“If I know the three lassies that spend every spare moment by yer side, I expect that ye already have some idea as to why I’ve brought ye here. But I doona wish to speak of that right away. First, I’d like simply to eat with ye and visit so that we may get to know one another a little more. Would that be acceptable to ye, lass?”
“Aye, it would.” I sat down at the seat he pulled away from the table for me. I did me best to push away all memories I had of the last time I’d been here.
As soon as we sat down and started eating, Baodan spoke. “I know that I doona know ye well, lass, and ye doona know me either, but ’tis me ardent wish that we both grow to know each other better.”
“Aye? Well, anything ye wish to know, I shall tell ye. Many think I am much too free with what I say.” The food was delicious, and I relished in the enjoyment of eating at a table rather than in bed.