“He dinna even speak to me.” I quickly finished off the food and stood, moving to the door. “I canna stay here, Bri. I’m going back tonight.”
I made to open the door but was stopped by Bri’s tight grip on my arm. “Ok, if you want to go, that’s fine. We will leave tomorrow, but you can’t go anywhere tonight. You don’t know the way back by yourself anyhow. I’m sorry. It was wrong of me to make you come here.”
I could see the sense in her words. It would be foolish for me to travel at night all alone, but I knew that I couldna spend another moment inside the castle. “Doona be sorry. Ye have no reason to be so. Ye are right. I willna leave, but I need to get outside of the castle. I dinna know seeing him would upset me so. I’ll be in the stables, brushing the horses.”
I shut the door before Bri had a chance to speak.
Chapter 20
Arran knocked lightly on the door, hoping that Bri would open it quickly before Edana saw him sneaking into the room of their female guests. She’d been away in her own bedchamber for some time, but he knew her to be a nighttime wanderer. She was finding her way into his own bed much more frequently.
Blaire’s absence at dinner had surprised him. He knew she wasn’t ill, not that he could blame her for not wanting to see him. She must think he truly didn’t care for her, to be able to marry so soon after what they had shared together. If only Blaire knew how she occupied his every thought, pained his every breath when he wasn’t near her.
“Come in. Did you not hear me calling you through the door telling you that you could enter?”
He’d lost himself in his own thoughts of regret and self-pity, forgetting that he was standing outside the door until he heard Bri’s voice in front of him. He looked up, pulling himself out of his trance as he stepped inside. “Nay, I dinna. I was thinking.”
“I’m sure you were. What did you think about what I told Edana about me and Blaire? Do you think she bought it? Will everybody else?”
Arran frowned as he tried to remember what story Bri had told. It was the last thing on his mind, all he could think about was Blaire. “Forgive me, I doona know what ye told her. I am no feeling like meself.”
Bri reached out to lay a hand on his back and he smiled, knowing she understood.
“I know. I’m sorry. We can talk about it later. She’s not here, Arran. She said she was going to the stables.”
He nodded, briefly shutting his eyes as he pictured her there, slender fingers running gently down whatever horse was lucky enough to share her company. “O’ course she is. The lass loves horses as much as I do. She willna want to see me though. Why is she here, Bri? How did she get back to this time?”
“Eoin and I went for her. That’s where we were, not at Bran’s.”
Arran had suspected as much. Not that they’d traveled into the future, but he knew they weren’t at Bran’s. They would have learned about his wedding much sooner if they’d only gone as far as the village. “Why did ye do so?”
“Because I could see that you were miserable, and I believed that Blaire was still in love with you as well.”
“And is she?” Arran turned away from her, his heart nearly stopping at the anticipation he felt at his question. It was wrong of him to ask, to care, he’d promised himself to another, but Blaire had claimed ownership of his heart long before he ever knew of Edana Kinnaird.
“Of course she is. She would never have dreamed of coming back here if she wasn’t. We didn’t know you were going to run off and get married. You don’t love her, do you? Edana?”
“I’ll no speak poorly of Edana, but I’ll no lie to ye either and tell ye that I love her. It matters not. I am married to the lass, and there is nothing that can be done to change it.” The truth of his own words hit him square in the chest, and he found himself leaning a hand against the wall to keep himself from doubling over. “Ye know the truth of me words as well. Why did ye bring her here if ye knew I couldna be with her?”
“Because things didn’t end properly between the two of you. Now she needs closure, to know that it is finished between the two of you and that you have both said your peace. And you need it too.”
He inhaled deeply, trying to catch the breath that seemed lodged in between his ribs. “I shall go to Blaire. I must speak with her and see her once more before I lose her again. I’ve spent every moment since she left believing that I would never see her again. Now that she is back, I canna deny meself what I’ve been yearning for every moment. I know we canna be together, but I must see that she is well and apologize for the hurt me foolishness has caused her.”
“Yes, go, but end it Arran. Don’t allow either of you to walk away, hoping for something that can no longer be. It would only make it harder for both of you.”
He nodded, turning away from Bri as he silently opened the bedchamber door to make his leave.
*