Somehow it seemed that both women thought that it would be even more devastating for me to learn he’d married if he was not in love with Edana. And perhaps it was.
For if Arran had married for love, I would have been left with no choice but to move on with me life. To grow old, certain in the knowledge that there was never any hope that it would be I who spent me life at his side.
But knowing that he didn’t love her, that would be more difficult for me to heal from. I would live every day wondering, hoping and wishing that he was thinking of me, wanting me by his side instead. I would live every day imagining what me life could have been like if his marriage had only been delayed by a few days.
Mary spoke next to tell Eoin even more news that had yet to be shared. “Yer Aunt Kenna arrived yesterday, Baodan, Eoghanan, and Niall as well. I am unsure of the reason for their visit, but I think ’tis time for ye to go and greet them, let them know that ye are back.”
Eoin stood and nodded. “Aye, o’course. I suspect they’ve come to pay their condolences about Father. They were in the midst of their own grief when he died. I should have reached out to them meself.”
“I’ll let you visit with them a moment. I’ll come up shortly. I want a chance to visit with Blaire. Alone.” Bri looked at both her mother and Mary. Understanding, they stood and followed Eoin out of the kitchen.
I stood and moved to the seat across from Bri and silently looked down at the table as I waited for her to speak.
“I’m so sorry. I’m so very, very sorry, Blaire. When we left, there was not the least bit of talk that Arran and Edana would marry. I scarcely saw the two of them together, and he never flirted with her. I never would’ve come to get you if I’d known.”
I wasna angry with her. Of course she wouldna have known, and Eoin certainly wouldna have asked me to return if he’d had any idea. “Ye doona need to apologize to me, Bri. I know that ye dinna know.”
“If you want to go back, I’ll go once more. I’ll help you get set up wherever you like. I can stay with you, teach you some things, get you a good job. I’ll even have all of my bank accounts transferred to you, whatever you’d like.”
“I doona wanna go back, Bri.” I looked up at her as she stood. I got the sudden sense that I wasna going to like whatever it was that she said next.
“I was hoping you would say that. But of course if you hadn’t, I really would’ve helped you go forward again. We’re going to go pay Arran a visit. Me and you. We’re leaving in the morning.”
I shook my head as forcefully as I could, now trying to emulate the frightening eyes I’d thought only earlier I wanted to do my best to avoid. “I will do no such thing. Are ye mad? What good would that bring?”
“I don’t know exactly. But I do know that you have to see him. You’ll wonder forever if you don’t, wonder if he still cares, wonder if you cared for him as much as you thought. If anything, perhaps it will bring you closure.”
I’d only known Bri a few weeks, but I could recognize enough of her mother in her to know arguing would not change her mind. “Is this no me decision to make?”
She smiled and shook her head. “No. Not at all. And don’t tell Eoin. He’ll only try to stop us from leaving. Meet me at the stables at dawn.”
She left before I could respond, and I was left to ponder through a sleepless night, just what new humiliation and heartbreak would await me at Arran’s new home.
Chapter 18
I was not even given the chance to follow Bri’s instructions and meet her down at the stables. Early the next morning with dawn still some time away from peeking through the night’s blackness, I heard a knock on the bedchamber door.
Still wide awake, I answered quickly to see Bri with a small bag draped over her shoulders. She couldn’t have looked any more excited.
“Come on, let’s go! I told Mary of our plan last night so that she could have Kip ready some horses. But don’t worry, she promised she wouldn’t tell Eoin. I think she’s trying to make amends for letting Arran get married.”
I shook my head in disagreement. “She has nothing to make amends for. Arran is no a man that is easily kept from doing what he wishes.”
Bri’s smile briefly disappeared as she stepped into the room to help me gather a few things for the journey. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have been so harsh on her or my mother. I owe them both an apology. And I’ll give them one just as soon as we get back, but right now, we need to go before Eoin rolls over and realizes I’ve gone.”