I can’t think… I can only feel, and I start to think… maybe this is best. Maybe I should only feel with Matt and quit trying to out think our relationship.
I fail miserably at my task. I am doomed. I can’t even say one intelligent word while Matt feasts, causing electric pleasure to explode within me.
Still floating among the stars from my orgasm, I’m vaguely aware of Matt pulling me up, walking me around the other side of the couch, and bending me over it. I can hear the pop of his button and the zip of his pants coming undone, and then he’s plunging into me while I hang practically upside down.
It’s wildly intense what he’s doing to me, and he manages to bring me to another quick orgasm before he’s shooting into me while he groans, “Mac… Mac… Mac…”
When my heart rate returns to normal, when Matt lets me up off the couch… when I manage to get my legs underneath of me to stop shaking, I practically cry with frustration. “I can’t do this anymore, Matt.”
He grins at me.
Yes, the son of a bitch grins at me and says, “Yes, you can. Want me to prove it to you right now?”
“No,” I say firmly. “I’m tired of being controlled by you sexually. I’m tired of this… this… I don’t even know what this is, but I’m tired of it.”
Matt doesn’t believe me, and he still wears that cocky smile as he steps forward and reaches out to me. His fingers are just inches away, when fury rolls up inside of me.
“No!” I yell, but then I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. I look him dead in the eyes and say more calmly, “No. I need you to leave.”
Matt stares at me for a few minutes, and the smile never leaves his face. He still doesn’t believe me. I can see an almost-indulgent look in his eyes as he zips himself up and heads toward my door. He doesn’t even look back at me as he walks out, saying, “You’ll never be able to give this up, Mac. Not for long anyway.”
“That has to be the most pitiful display of happiness that I’ve ever seen,” Cal says as he glances at the menu. We decided to meet up at a Greek restaurant today. I had high hopes I could lamb kabob my way out of despair, because yes… they are that damn delicious.
My gloom-and-doom attitude has apparently taken over every facet of my personality. I thought I had on a bright smile when I responded to Cal’s question of, “How have you been doing?”
I told him I was fine, even though I knew my smile wasn’t really all that convincing.
“Spill it,” was all he says as he puts the menu aside.
Taking a deep breath, I bare my soul to him. I tell him that I still go to bed every night with a deep hole in my heart now that my mom is gone. I lament that I’m in a job where I feel completely in over my head. And most importantly, I tell him about Matt.
I don’t get into the nitty-gritty details of our sexually depraved lifestyle, but I do tell him that I’m just not cut out for a sex-only relationship.
Cal actually winces when I say that, and I flush with embarrassment.
“I’m sorry,” I say quickly. “I probably shouldn’t talk about sex with you. Especially not sex with Matt.”
Cal’s eyes smile at me… truly smile at me. “It’s okay, Mac. You need someone to vent to, and remember… I know Matt way better than you do.”
Our waiter chooses that moment to interrupt my whining, and we place our orders. I double up on the lamb kabobs, telling myself it doesn’t matter if I get a fat ass. It’s not like Matt will be looking at it anymore.
Once the waiter leaves, I let out a heavy sigh. “Why am I such a girl? I mean… why can’t I just accept great sex? My roommate Macy lives her life that way, and she’s one of the happiest people I know.”