Just before I put his t-shirt over my head, I lock eyes with him, and he’s watching me with an odd mixture of what I think is lust, but also compassion. It’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen, and it unsettles me. I have a rush of desire for him in that moment, but I also have no want or need to act upon it. Instead, I inhale his scent from the t-shirt and look longingly at the fluffy pillows on the bed, which are calling my name.
Matt pulls back the covers and motions me under. When he has me tucked in, he walks to the other side and takes off his jeans. Even though I’m exhausted and heartsick, I lie on my side and watch him with appreciation. His body is utterly beautiful, and I sigh knowing that tonight it’s only for me to look at. Matt catches me checking him out, and I’m not even embarrassed. But I am so tired that I can do nothing but give him a tiny smile.
Matt then pulls out his laptop from his briefcase.
“Do you mind if I do some work?” he asks me.
Still smiling at him, I give a tiny shake of my head.
Setting the laptop on the bedside table, Matt gets under the covers and turns to his side so we’re staring at each other.
“Do you want me to hold you until you fall asleep?” he whispers.
His words are like a soothing balm over my shredded heart, and I nod. He pulls me into his embrace, tucking my head under his chin. His hands slowly stroke my back, up and down. Long, measured strokes… not too light and not too firm. Just enough to relax me and, before I know it, my eyes start to close.
I think my last thought before I went to bed was that if Matt treated me like this all the time, I’d probably fall head over heels in love with him.
Macy had begged me not to return to work so soon. I just buried my mom two days ago, having flown back to New York the day after the funeral. I just couldn’t stand being there… in my mom’s house… without her there.
Even worse, I longed to see Matt again, and I’m ashamed to say that also prompted my quick return. He stayed in Nashville with me the morning after I had fallen asleep in his arms. He stood by my side when they disconnected my mom from the machines. He kept his arm around me while we waited for her to die, and then he let me sob in his arms when they pronounced her gone.
But he didn’t stay too much longer after that. Not that I expected him to. He told me the day he arrived that he had to get back to the firm soon, so I never, ever expected him to stay for the funeral. I was just so very happy and so very touched that he chose to come be by my side for the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.
I’m sure Matt saw what he did as nothing more than a kind gesture, but I saw it for so much more. Matt can gripe, moan, bitch, and complain until he’s blue in the face that he’s only in this for the sex with me, but he’d be a damn liar. There are feelings there on his part, and I intend to flush them out.
So while I’m still grieving for my mother, I intend to get back into the swing of my life in an effort to help ease the pain. I’m also going to push at Matt until I can break him out of his rigid rule of ‘sex only’ encounters.
When I arrive at the office, I’m met with tons of my new colleagues giving me hugs and kind words of compassion. It touches me deeply and, when I get into my office, there’s a huge bouquet of flowers and a card signed by everyone in the firm. I let my fingers drag slowly over all the names while tears fill my eyes.
“Welcome back,” I hear from the doorway. I look over to see Matt standing there. He’s holding onto the doorframe with both hands and just sort of leans into my office. I quickly blink away the tears, but I know he saw them. He doesn’t look ill at ease though and just smiles at me.
“Hey,” I say in soft welcome. Seeing him is even better than I could have imagined, and I envision him walking in and wrapping his arms around me.
He doesn’t do that though. He just stays where he is, appraising me. “So… everything okay? Sure you’re ready to be back to work already?”
“I’m sure,” I tell him with a confident smile.
“Good,” he says. “There’s a new case I just assigned to you… You’ll see an email about it. Review it, and you’ll be handling the depositions next month.”