Mattress Actress

Slowly I bought the things I needed for the house. I will never forget having to steal vegetables from the next-door neighbours to make soup. Many nights and days I simply didn’t eat so that Poppy would have enough until next pension day.

I began stealing from major department stores. I was truly out of my mind at the time, but felt no guilt. One day I pushed Poppy into Grace Brothers in her pram, grabbed a bra off a rack then walked over to the counter and politely asked for a refund. The saleswoman gladly handed over $60. I then asked her if I could trouble her for a bag under the guise that Poppy had wet her pants. With an understanding smile she handed me two bags. I thanked her then made my way to the manchester department, where I stuffed nearly a thousand dollars’ worth of sheets, towels and pillows into the donated bags. The bags were so full I was struggling to carry them and push the stroller.

Thankfully, a shop assistant offered some helpful advice: ‘Excuse me, madam, have you finished your shopping for the day? Because if you haven’t, Grace Brothers have a counter where you can leave your purchases while you shop.’ So I took this helpful young staff member’s advice, and deposited my bags at the courtesy storage counter, leaving my hands free to pick up some more household items.

Another day I even had a man come up to me asking if I needed assistance with my bags and pram as I left the store. I gave him a frightened look, thinking that he was busting me for stealing.

‘No need to be frightened, madam, I’m store security, not a weirdo. You just look like you could use some help.’

What an idiot! If only the manager knew that store security helped me leave the store with stolen property.

I wasn’t always so lucky. One time I did get caught and I hadn’t even intended to steal the items I got caught with. It was Christmas time and the ladies’ toilets were so crowded there was a long line. Poppy was toilet training so I bolted to the McDonald’s toilet directly opposite the store. It was at that point I was grabbed and taken to the manager’s office and later charged with theft.

The incident tipped the scales of my sanity. When I left the police station, I pushed the pram straight onto a busy road, causing an accident. I hadn’t even looked. Luckily, apart from shock, we were both in one piece. After that I sat on the side of the road and sobbed until a police officer came over to me. I could hear him talking but I didn’t have the strength to respond. Some of his questions were too hard for me to answer, including: ‘Where do you live?’

Because I was unresponsive, he drove me to the hospital. There I saw a psychologist and a psychiatrist. I was shaking by now and my tears showed no signs of relenting. I still didn’t speak until they informed me that I would need to be admitted and Poppy would need to go to foster care until I was released. Those words shook me back to reality.

After a long talk, they sent me home with some anti-depressants and an appointment slip to see a counsellor in a week’s time.

That night I had a good, long talk to myself. The following day I wrote a cheque to a mobile phone leasing company and placed an ad in the personal column with my new mobile phone number. On the Gold Coast, advertising was limited to a name and a number, no suburb or description permitted. It fell under the heading of Introduction Services. The name I settled on was Cleo, short for Cleopatra, who, after all, was the original and quintessential temptress.

I was as nervous as hell because it meant that I had to put Poppy to bed then work from my own home while she slept. Come eight o’clock I turned the phone on and it rang constantly. By eight thirty, I had my first customer handing me $150. By three am I had amassed $640. To my surprise my mummy nipples were a big hit. All I could think was that they weren’t easily hidden any more. Even with a bra and a T-shirt on some days I still felt like I needed to hang flags off them to warn oncoming pedestrians. But yet again I was wrong about the male psyche, presuming they think like we do.

I put most of my first night’s takings in the bank so that the cheque for the mobile wouldn’t bounce. With the rest I bought groceries and paid rent.

After about a week I employed a girl who was also on the solo mum’s pension to sit with me and answer my phones when I was busy. Her job was also to keep an eye on Poppy if she woke up, but luckily this never happened.

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