Make Me Melt

4


JASON DIDN’T KNOW if he’d have had the ability to do the right thing and push Caroline away.

Again.

Thankfully, a knock sounded on the door, dragging him back to his senses, and he reluctantly released her. Looking a little dazed, she moistened her lips and pressed her hands against her flushed cheeks. Drawing in a deep breath, he retrieved his weapon from the table and strode to the door. Peering through the peephole, he saw Colton standing in the corridor with a rolling tray of food. With a quick glance at Caroline, who had turned away, he shoved the gun into the back of his waistband and opened the door.

“I’ve checked everything,” Colton said, indicating the tray. “Looks good.”

“Order something for yourself and Deputy Mitchell,” Jason told him.

“Will do, boss. Oh, one more thing. I spoke with Judge Banks’s assistant, Steven Anderson, and he’s bringing over copies of the case files that the judge was working on. Everything for the past year.”

Jason nodded. “Okay, thanks. Does the FBI have any leads?”

“They found a partial footprint in the flower bed beside the front porch and sent it over to the lab for processing.” The other man paused, his eyes sharpening on Jason. “Everything okay?”

He wondered how the other man would react if he told him that he’d just had Judge Banks’s daughter—the woman he was sworn to protect—in a steamy lip-lock. Or that he’d likely be in bed with her right now if Colton hadn’t chosen that moment to knock on the door. On the other hand, the deputy would probably find the whole thing highly entertaining. After all, he’d met his fiancée, Maddie, after she’d taken him hostage, stolen his truck and his service revolver and then led him on a chase through the Sierra Nevada mountains to Reno. Even after he’d caught her, Colton hadn’t been able to actually arrest her. Instead, he’d fallen in love with her and asked her to marry him. Of course, there had been extenuating circumstances, and even Jason had found himself drawn into helping them.

But he couldn’t see a happy ending for himself and Caroline, not when they came from such different backgrounds. Not when he owed her father so much. Not when he’d bruised her young heart twelve years ago.

He should never have asked for this protective detail. But the thought of letting anyone else take responsibility for her safety had been unthinkable. Quite simply, he didn’t trust anyone to watch over her the way that he would.

“Is something amusing, sir?”

Colton’s words snapped Jason out of his reverie, and he shook his head. “No, nothing about this situation is amusing. I’m just seeing the irony, that’s all.”

“What do you mean?”

That having him watch over Caroline Banks was a little like having the wolf guard the lamb. But he couldn’t say that to his deputy marshal.

“Order yourself some supper, Deputy, and I’ll see you around midnight.”

“Yes, sir.”

Jason drew the food into the room and closed the door, securing the chain and the dead bolt despite the fact that both Deputy Black and Deputy Mitchell sat directly outside. He was acutely conscious of Caroline watching him from the far side of the room. He exhaled roughly, and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“About what happened,” he began, not looking at her. “That was a mistake.”

“Which part?” she asked. “Kissing me or stopping?”

He slanted her a warning look. “Caroline.”

“What if I didn’t want you to stop?”

Her words reverberated through Jason, causing his body to harden. She’d felt so good in his arms, and she’d tasted exactly as he’d remembered from all those years ago, like wild honey. But she was no longer an impressionable, innocent girl. She was a woman now, and there was no reason why he shouldn’t take whatever she offered. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t want her.


He did.

He also knew that getting involved with Caroline would be a mistake of monumental proportions. After all, she was the precious daughter of his mentor and friend. Judge Banks had spent his life ensuring her safety and happiness. He wanted the best for her, and that didn’t include a guy like Jason. He could still hear her scathing words from that long-ago night—he was gutter trash.

He may have cleaned up his act and donned the veneer of respectability, but deep down he knew she was right. He couldn’t change who he was—the son of a drug addict, born and raised on the crime-ridden streets of Hunters Point. He’d done things that would cause Caroline to recoil in disgust if she ever knew.

Even if he could change who he was, it would make no difference. They lived on opposite sides of the country, and he didn’t do long-distance relationships any more than he did long-term relationships.

“Look,” he finally said, carefully choosing his words, “you’ve had a traumatic day, and you’re vulnerable right now. I won’t take advantage of you that way, not when I’m detailed to protect you.”

“Even if it’s what I want?”

Jason felt a wry smile tug at his mouth. Even now, after all these years, she felt entitled to have something simply on the basis of wanting it.

“I’m not sure you know what you want right now.”

Her mouth tightened, and he could almost see the walls going up around her. She was shutting down, shutting him out. “I want to go home.”

He gave her a tolerant look. “Caroline, you know that’s not possible. Not right now. Maybe in a day or two, if they clear the scene.”

Her chin went up. “What about the beach house? That’s not off-limits, is it?”

He frowned. “The beach house is no safer than the house in Sea Cliff. We have to assume that whoever shot your father also knows about the house in Santa Cruz. Even if we cleared the house, it’s a long drive. Sure you want to make that trip each day?”

“So I could stay there?” she asked, ignoring his question.

Jason didn’t like the idea of returning to the beach house, but there was no reason why she couldn’t return home, either to the house in Sea Cliff, once the investigators were finished processing the crime scene, or the house in Santa Cruz. He had enough men to provide ample security wherever she chose to go.

She stared at him for a moment, then spun on her heel and walked toward the windows. She abruptly changed course and moved to stand near the table.

“Please tell me we can go to the beach house. Even you can see that I can’t stay here,” she said, not looking at him.

With you.

She didn’t say the words aloud, but they hung in the air between them. Jason blew out a hard breath. This was his fault, and he mentally kicked himself. But there was no way he was going to give up the protection detail or allow another deputy to step in and take over. He’d pulled a lot of strings when he’d contacted his counterpart in San Francisco and asked for the assignment. He couldn’t back out now. And in all honesty, he didn’t want to. “The investigators should be done with the Sea Cliff house in a day or so,” he said quietly. “If you want to go to the house in Santa Cruz, I’ll make the arrangements. But for tonight, we’ll stay here.”

Her cell phone rang, and she reached for it, glancing at the screen before looking at him. “I have to take this call. I’ll stay here for tonight if there’s no other choice. But I’m checking out tomorrow morning.”

“Caroline—”

She’d already turned away, putting the phone to her ear as she strode into the bedroom. Before she shut the door, he heard her say, “Hi, Patrick. I’m sorry—I meant to call you earlier.”

Who was Patrick? A coworker? A friend? Or something more? Jason scrubbed a hand over his face, blocking out the image of Caroline with another man. Over the years, he’d managed to work her into his conversations with the judge, so he always knew what was going on in her life. But William had never talked about Caroline’s boyfriends. Jason hadn’t pressed him, because he wasn’t sure he really wanted to know. Pulling out his own phone, he made a call to the officer on duty at the hospital, reassuring himself that the judge was still alive and that he’d had no visitors since they had left. Then he made a call to Agent Sullivan, the lead investigator on the FBI team, to get more information about the footprint they had recovered.

He was still on the phone when Caroline came out of the bedroom thirty minutes later and quietly sat down to eat her salad. Jason ended his conversation and studied her closely. Her face was blotchy, and her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy. He wondered if she’d had a heart-to-heart with Patrick, sharing her emotions with the other man the way she refused to with him. Jason pushed down a flare of jealousy, reminding himself that there was absolutely no reason why Caroline should share her feelings with him. He hadn’t done anything to earn her trust. In fact, some might argue that he’d violated her trust in kissing her.

He sat down across from her and unwrapped the sandwich he’d ordered. They ate in silence for a moment, and Jason knew that Caroline was only going through the motions and wasn’t actually enjoying her meal, or even tasting it. Truthfully, he wasn’t all that interested in eating, either.

“Are you okay?” he finally asked.

* * *

CAROLINE RAISED HER head to look at him and nodded. “Yes. It’s just been a long day.”

That was the truth. She felt drained, physically and emotionally. After the flight from Virginia, and the three-hour difference in time, she was exhausted. Then Patrick Dougherty had called. He’d seen the reports of the shooting on the evening news. Although he’d purportedly called to offer his sympathy and find out how she was doing, Caroline suspected what he really wanted to find out was how long she planned to be away. Devon Lawton needed legal representation, and she was one of the few pro bono lawyers who knew the kid’s full history. Caroline felt guilty leaving Devon in the lurch, but right now she had no other option. She’d asked Patrick to call the district attorney’s office and have them assign legal representation for Devon. Tomorrow morning she’d call one of the paralegals at her law firm and have them bring her case files over to the new lawyer. Right now, that was the best she could do.

“I called the hospital,” Jason said, interrupting her thoughts. “There’s been no change in your father’s condition.” He nodded toward her salad. “The best thing you can do is eat and then get some sleep. We’ll head over early to see him.”

Caroline knew he was right. While she wanted to be at the hospital with her father, realistically she knew there was nothing she could do. He was in good hands, and she had to hope that his condition would improve over the next few days. But she couldn’t dispel the feelings of helplessness and guilt that had plagued her since she’d learned her father had been shot in cold blood on his front doorstep. She wanted to do something useful, something that would help him. She didn’t want to sit in a hotel room, a virtual prisoner. And she definitely did not want Jason Cooper as her bodyguard.

“Did the police find anything at the house that might give them a lead?”

“Just the partial footprint in the flower bed. But there’s no guarantee that it belongs to the person who did this. Your father employs a lawn care service, so it could have been left by a worker.”


Caroline pushed her plate away. “So exactly what’s your role in all of this? Are you only here to watch over me, or will you also help in the investigation? I mean, it would be pretty hard to just sit by and not have an active role, right?”

“I do have an active role,” he said quietly. “My role is protecting you.”

“But you’re a U.S. marshal. Don’t you usually give this kind of job to your deputies?” She leaned forward. “Why don’t you assign one of your men—Deputy Black, maybe—to stay with me? Then you can do whatever it is you do to find the sonofabitch who did this to my father.”

She watched as he pushed his own plate aside and gave her a crooked smile. That slight tilting of his mouth fascinated her, and Caroline realized how seldom she’d seen Jason smile. She didn’t even know what his laughter sounded like. During her youth, when he had come over to the house to see her father, she couldn’t recall a single time when he’d been lighthearted or full of exuberance. She’d never given it much thought, because part of his appeal had been his dark intensity and the aura of danger that had clung to him.

He was still broody and intense, but she hadn’t sensed any of the pent-up rage he’d once exhibited, except when he’d first seen her father at the hospital. But she understood that anger, because she felt it, too. Now she wondered if he’d managed to find happiness in the past twelve years. He’d certainly achieved an impressive level of success in his career.

“Do you like your job?” she asked, intercepting whatever he might have said in response to her suggestion that he switch assignments with Deputy Black. “I mean, is it everything you’d hoped it would be?”

He gave her a bemused look, and then his smile broadened. “Yeah, it is. In fact, it’s even better than I’d imagined.”

“Tell me about it.”

To Caroline’s astonishment, he actually seemed a little embarrassed. “Nah. You don’t want to hear about my job. I’ll have you bored to tears within minutes.”

She doubted that very much. The one thing Jason had never made her feel was bored.

Aroused? Frustrated and angry? Yes. But never bored.

His smiled faded, and she saw his expression change to concern. “Hey. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine. It was just a shock to see so much blood....” Her voice trailed off, and she looked down at her hands, blinking back sudden tears. “I should have been here. I should never have moved so far away.”

Reaching across the table, Jason caught her chin in his fingers and tipped her face up so that she was forced to look at him. “You have every right to live your own life, and your father didn’t want it any other way. He’s always been proud of you and what you’ve accomplished. You’re working for one of the best law firms in Virginia.”

Caroline pulled away. “It’s mostly just divorce and child custody cases,” she demurred. “Nothing exciting.”

She couldn’t say why, but she was reluctant to tell him about her work with Virginia’s Child Protective Services, or how most of her time was dedicated toward safeguarding the rights of abused and neglected children. She was afraid if she did tell him, he’d realize the impact he’d had on her life, and she didn’t want to give him that kind of power. He’d once called her spoiled and selfish, and she preferred to let him believe that. It would be easier to keep him at a distance.

“Do you enjoy it?”

“Sometimes it’s emotionally grueling,” she admitted, thinking of Devon’s case, “but I can’t imagine doing anything else.”

“Family law, huh?” he mused, his lips twitching. “Who would have thought?”

Caroline flushed. “There’s actually quite a bit of casework involved. And we’re talking wealthy clients. You can’t take that lightly.”

“Of course not. Do they pay you well?”

“I get by.” Caroline thought of her small apartment in a modest section of the city. If she accepted the job offer from the district attorney’s office, she’d need to find more affordable housing, or advertise for a roommate. The cut in pay that came with that job meant she wouldn’t be able to stay in her apartment without making some lifestyle changes. But the thought of downsizing didn’t alarm her. She’d done a lot of growing up since she’d left for Richmond, and she’d realized that material wealth no longer gave her the same pleasure it had when she was young.

Jason frowned, reading her expression. “If you’re struggling, why wouldn’t you just ask the judge to help you? Christ, Caroline, you have a trust fund.”

“I don’t want to rely on my father or on my trust fund,” she replied. “I want to succeed on my own merits, the same way you did.”

He leaned forward, and she saw a muscle flex in his jaw. “You think I got here on my own?” he asked. “If it weren’t for your father, I’d be dead or in prison. I only got this far because of him. He literally saved my life.”

She made a dismissive noise. “That’s not what I mean. He might have pointed you in the right direction, but you did the rest on your own.”

Jason lounged back in his chair and considered her. “So you’re telling me that you don’t dip into your trust fund at all?”

Hearing the disbelief in his voice, Caroline raised her chin. “It’s true. I haven’t touched a cent of it since I was in college.”

“So you’re spending your salary on—what?” He indicated her outfit. “Clothes? Because even a simple guy like me knows designer clothing when I see it.”

“I buy this stuff secondhand. You’d be surprised how many upscale consignment shops there are in Richmond, and how many prominent women use them.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “You think because my father is wealthy that I just blow through money? That I spend all my free time shopping?”

He held up his hands in surrender. “Okay, I’m sorry. I just seem to remember that you spent a lot of time at the mall as a teenager, and you’d come home with more shopping bags than you could carry. I just assumed that you use your trust fund to underwrite your current lifestyle. If that’s not the case, then I apologize. No offense intended.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “You once accused me of being spoiled and getting whatever I wanted—”

He shot her a quelling look, causing her to clamp her mouth shut.

“You did,” she insisted, after a long moment, keeping her tone cool. “That last night at the beach house, when I was sixteen. You said my problem was that I always got whatever I wanted, even when it wasn’t good for me.”

He stared at her, his expression dark. “Caroline, whatever I said that night, I said out of self-preservation. You were sixteen. I would have said anything to get you to leave me alone.”

She gave a bitter laugh. “Whatever. I wasn’t woman enough for you, right? My boobs weren’t big enough, and I had no experience. Why bother with a scrawny teenage virgin when you could have a real woman, right?”

Jason made a growling sound of annoyance and rose to his feet. Planting his hands on the table, he leaned toward her, and it took all Caroline’s resolve not to cringe from the heat and anger she saw reflected in his eyes. She stared boldly back at him instead.


“Is that what you think?” he said through gritted teeth. “Well, here’s the truth. I was barely holding it together that night. If you hadn’t left when you did, I would have had you on your back in that bed, and I would have screwed you blind. I would have taken you six ways to Sunday, and I wouldn’t have given a rat’s ass about your virginity, or the fact that I owed your father everything. I would have hurt you, Caroline, and in the morning, I would have been gone.”

For a moment, she was too stunned to speak. His crude depiction had her imagination surging with lurid images of what might have happened that night. The vehemence in his voice almost made her believe him.

“Well,” she said when she could finally speak. “At least that’s better than thinking you didn’t want me.”

“But I didn’t,” he continued, his voice harsh. “Oh, I wanted your hot little body, but I didn’t want you. I didn’t want a girlfriend or a relationship, and if you think that’s where we were headed, you are deluding yourself.”

Even after all these years, his words had the ability to inflict pain. Here, finally, was a glimpse of the angry, dangerous youth he had once been. “So where were we headed?”

He laughed sardonically. “To hell, sweetheart. Because I would have used you and then left. You would have tried to put a good face on it, but every time my name came up in conversation, it would have felt like someone twisting a knife in your gut. And if by some miracle I hadn’t gotten you pregnant, you still wouldn’t have been able to hide the truth from your father.” A muscle twitched in his jaw. “He would have learned what happened, and if he didn’t have me arrested for statutory rape, he would have found another way to ruin me. And in time, I’d have grown to hate you almost as much as you hated me.”

The picture he painted was so cruel and so bleak that Caroline felt tears prick the back of her eyelids. Her voice, when she spoke, was little more than a whisper. “You really would have hated me?”

“Without a doubt,” he assured her. “But not nearly as much as I would have hated myself.”