“Yeah, chawl, Chyna been runnin’ these streets like life ain’t got no limits!” my grandmother moaned. “I’m getting too old to be chasing afta’ her. Your grandfather been down since his stroke and I ain’t got no help.”
“Okay, I’ll talk to her when I get there,” I offered.
Chyna was a wild child because her parents abandoned her. I was no help because I no longer sent for her. For some reason, even calling home depressed me. I wanted no memories of home. Outside of Keeme, I disconnected myself from everything Jersey. I’d send Christmas and birthday gifts and even paid a visit when she graduated elementary school. But until recently, she was too young for me to relate to. I know it sounds cold but I couldn’t bring myself to take her on. I think until this trip I had no conscience of it. Maybe Michelle’s death opened my eyes to the fact that I had isolated my real family. I depended on her for so much that I’d substituted those relationships.
These thoughts caused me to cry. I hated crying but those blue feelings overcame me so quickly. The mere thought of Michelle jolted my stomach. I felt that emptiness again.
My phone ringing caused me to judder as it startled me while I sat on the hotel bed. I immediately thought it was Chyna, but when I grabbed the phone Azmir’s name popped up. I pushed the button on the top of the phone to ignore the call. I had realized at that moment that I hadn’t spoken to Azmir in nearly three weeks. Again, life began to happen so quickly. I had to admit it would be great to have someone by my side and Azmir would more than qualify. He had been so supportive in the past, but I felt like he’d been adding to my stress as of recently. It was almost as if he had another life and I felt like I couldn’t trust him. I’d rather nurse myself back to a better state of mind alone than deal with the unknown.
After showering that rainy afternoon, I headed to my grandparents’ home. When Chyna opened the door she ran to me and jumped into my arms.
“Oh my fucking gawd…Rayna! I can’t believe you really came!” she cried.
To say I was taken aback by her reaction to my presence would be an understatement. I felt her petite frame descending off me and quickly thought reciprocating her embrace would prevent the fall. Chyna had grown into a gorgeous young lady. She was a lot skinnier than I was at that age and she’d always been lighter in skin tone than Akeem and me. She had red kinky twists in her hair and making a fashion statement with it. I noticed her gold heart shaped bamboo earrings with her name scripted on a plate running through them. She broke our embrace by stepping back and taking inventory of my being with the biggest and most enthused smile, “Damn, you pretty as hell!”
Before I could thank her she screamed, “Grandma, look! She beautiful!” very hood’esque.
My grandmother and grandfather came to the front portion of the three family home to greet me. My grandmother was just as round and plump as a snow-lady and Grandpa was tall and quite frail. I noticed his maimed arm and the left side of his face drooping from the stroke, I had assumed. It was pretty sad seeing him in that condition. The house smelled as it did when I was coming up. Many pictures on the wall were the same, the ones that were new to me were those of Chyna coming up. I was once again reminded of my neglect of her. It was crazy seeing her at various stages of her life—stages that I had missed.