The conversation went on for nearly an hour before we ended and Brett and I moved on to another conference call. It was a long morning and an even longer afternoon. By five p.m., my trepidations concerning Rayna’s showing for dinner that night with my mother had grown exponentially. I didn’t want to reach out to her, not wanting to pressure her or be overbearing considering our time together the night before.
And that had played out so well. That Monday, I was preparing to “run into” her after her staff meeting, but when I saw her standing in the lobby waiting for the elevator, I felt several emotions: longing, excitement, hunger, and anger—she cut her fucking hair! I can’t stop thinking about it. I felt a flair of possessiveness and wanted to go fucking caveman and snatch her ass up so that I can fully examine what she had done—without my fucking approval! But instantly her beauty speared me. I saw the narrow structure of her neck, exposing soft caramel skin—skin that my fingers tingled to touch, and my tongue twitched to taste. I had visions of running my tongue the length of her ear down to her shoulder. And suddenly, I couldn’t resist, I had to make my move.
She gave a little resistance and I couldn’t believe the way that I’d practically begged her to let me back in. Rayna was still raw. The shit I copped to in the elevator and those that I shared with her in her bed last night was something I’d never experienced. I wanted to slap the shit out of myself at times for being such a bitch, but I can’t lie, I don’t regret a word I uttered. I’m simply not accustomed to being so transparent about my inner most personal feelings. Yet, I felt compelled to let her know that she meant the world to me.
I’d picked up Yazmine from her hotel. Since her arrival from New York, she always looked uneasy when getting into the Bentley. I knew it was a lot to take in, but I also didn’t want to make any changes just to suit her. I was content with what I’d built over the years. I’ve lived beneath my means for years, and still do to a large degree, so there was no need to recede when she was around.
Yazmine had been pretty refreshing during my suspension with Rayna. We’ve talked a lot about our individual lives, and our time apart. She was really laid back, but very discerning, something I didn’t recall as a child, perhaps because my mind was not mature enough to catch it. At the dinner table assessing the wine menu at Maggiano’s, I was nervous. I searched for something that would help me bear the brunt of Rayna’s absence. I was nervous as hell about her standing me up. I still hadn’t heard from her and after a long day could certainly use her presence.
“Why are you so fidgety?” Yazmine observed.
“Am I?” I responded calmly, or so I attempted.
“Yes, you are. You can try to play that smooth shit with the rest of them, but I’m your momma. It don’t matter how long I been up, I know when something’s wrong witcha’,” Yazmine’s accent was thick with her Brooklyn roots and broken idiom from prison, I’d guessed. But no matter how she expressed herself, I’d still experienced a small semblance of the mother I had once known.
I gave a small chuckle. “I’m good. Just had a long day.” I placed the menu down. “How was yours?” I tried steering her away from my truths of Rayna standing me up.
“It was all good. I reached out to Daryl.” That caught my attention.
“And?”
“And I told him I was in town and need to kick it wit’ him.”
I didn’t feel good about that because I no longer trusted Big D. “And what was his response?” I needed to know how he was going to swing this.
“He was shocked as hell! I thought that piece of shit was having a damn heart attack on the phone!” She held her chest and laughed hysterically. Her other hand cupped her cupped her mouth, drawing attention to her gold nose ring. My mother had aged. She still had her mildly tinted brown skin, but the bags under eyes told tales of weariness. “We’re suppose to meet tomorrow at two…some place called Griffith Park? I knew your driver could get me there so I ain’t sweatin’ it.”
“I’ll send a new driver. I don’t want you venturing out alone.”