“Yup. My boy is now a man and marrying a beautiful young lady. I can’t be happier,” Yazmine interjects. “I could remember when he came home from the hospital. Mmm…mmm…mmm!” she shakes her head. “Seem like yesterday.”
“I can only imagine what he was like as a boy. He definitely a fine young man now. You did good, Yaz,” Samantha speaks up. She’s never short of a compliment for me.
“Azmir was smart, reserved—very observant. Couldn’t get nothing over on him. But when he wasn’t into something, you would lose him. If it wasn’t for him, he wasn’t with it,” Yazmine pipes out.
“Reserved...hmmmm…” Rayna whispers while eyeing me suspiciously. I know she’s teasing me. Her smile brightens my world. I wrinkle my nose to her.
“Oh, yeah. His daddy taught him ta’ be ‘dat way.”
Pam almost interrupts her, “I bet he was a lady’s man, too, huhn? ‘Cause them girls in the Chi was wild over him—young and old.”
Yazmine swings her head so that her ears move vertically, indicating a convoluted answer. “Not so much when he was small. Dasu trained him good and…hard.”
I observe how raptly Rayna and Samantha watch my mother tell a story that I’ve heard a million and two times as a kid coming up. It’s not something I’ve sat through recently and I’m not exactly sure if I’m emotionally prepared for it today in front of mixed company, but Yazmine continues.
“Dasu would tell ‘dat boy all the time ‘dat he wasn’t built like the rest of ‘em. He would say ‘dat my Azmir is a warrior, a leader. He drilled into ‘dat there boy ‘dat he needed to know how to govern people and he must start with observing them because ‘dat was the only way he could conquer them.” Yazmine’s eyes turn haunted. I know those were my father’s words verbatim. I have vague recollection of them, but she uses the same phrases each time she speaks of my father’s legacy to me.
Yazmine pauses, clearly becoming emotional by her trip down memory lane. I don’t know how to respond to it. She snorts, “After all these years, I still miss my Dasu. There ain’t no man like ‘em. Ain’t gon’ ever be.” She offers a forlorn smile.
I don’t notice Rayna’s gaze upon me until I feel her grab my thigh underneath the table. I turn to her to find sentimental eyes. It’s clear that she’s affected by Yazmine’s pining. Or at least that’s what I originally assume until she mouths, “I told you they knew.”
I narrow my eyebrows, not understanding her reference. She then whispers, “The lion…your reflection,” before cutting her eyes to my mother.
“I can tell he’s done his father proud. I’m still getting to know him as a man, but I can see he did it. He made Dasu’s dreams come true.”
That comment from my mother makes me wonder if my dark world had been a part of his dream. Yazmine never speaks of my father’s hustling and neither do I. Nevertheless, the fact that he and Big D had a side hustle always causes me to wonder just who my father was. There’s one thing for sure and that’s the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree when you consider me living a double life.
“Dasu ain’t want no other kids after Mir. He said he got his boy ‘da first go round and ain’t no need to try no more. I was good with ‘dat, too.” She smiles affectionately and so does Rayna. Too much mush for me, but that’s women.
“That’s sweet,” Samantha murmurs in wonderment.
“What type of girl was she?” Pam tosses her hand toward Rayna as she stuffs her mouth with a roll.
Naturally, all eyes land on Samantha. I don’t know if this is a good conversation to take on. Rayna has already been anxious. That’s the strange thing about Rayna; she enjoyed hearing my mother’s stroll down memory lane, but I can tell right away that she doesn’t relish the attention of her memories. This is complex Rayna.
After a long pause, Samantha perks up, “She was bright…real bright. And she was a helper.” Samantha’s gaze rises to Rayna, whose eyes stays trained to the table. “She helped the other kids in her class that wasn’t getting their studies like her. She talked a lot. The teachers always said ‘dat she was gonna be one of ‘dem.”
Samantha’s smile can’t be ignored. She’s proud…a proud mother. I sit and try to imagine my Rayna as a beautiful school-aged girl. I bet she had long ponytails that were twisted into barrettes at the end. I wonder if I could’ve bagged her had we grown up together. Would we be together today? Nah, I ran the streets too fucking hard back in the day. I wasn’t checking for a real relationship. I just wanted ass and never found a shortage there. I would’ve broken her heart. Hell—I feel like I’ve been doing that since I’ve met her, and no one has ever meant so much to me in my life. Nope. It’s good we didn’t cross paths before I was ready to give her the world and she deserves nothing less.