Oddly enough, when I began to be invited to music award shows, after-parties, and video shoots she was intrigued. She fell in love with the glamour of it all. Dwayne, also known as D-Struct, was a prodigy of a top west coast music wiz who is also a good friend of mine. I tried to help him out and apparently so did Tara. She and her girl, Essence were hanging out with D-Struct when I wasn’t around. She would tell me Essence wanted Dwayne. The word got back to me that Tara and Dwayne were fucking in the backseat of cars and in the bathrooms up in the studio. Naturally, Petey wanted to get at him. I told him that we’d hold off because little did he know I’d been having mixed feelings about Tara for months at that point and this was my exit strategy. I needed something solid to buffer the blow from her father. I didn’t tell Big D because no matter how cool we are, Tara is still his baby girl and no man wants to hear their daughter is giving head in a studio booth. Tara cut her nose to spite her face. I just sat back letting her dig a hole for herself.
“So she said…” I mumbled as I a sighed.
“What you really think, duke?”
“That shit ain’t mine. I ain’t touch her since like November, man. If it was I’d do what I need to do for mine.” I gave a deep exhale. “I just gotta play my hand right because this can get ugly with Big D.”
“Yeah, man. That’s what I was just thinking about. You know how ‘dat nigga is!”
“I mean…it is what it is but that’s still his princess.”
“So what you gonna do?”
“She’s got a few months to go. I told her she has to get a fuckin’ DNA test.”
“And what she say ‘bout ‘dat?”
“She acted all offended and shit but I don’t give a fuck. And now with Patricia dying she’s feeling all needy…knowing damn well we’re no longer together,” I referred to the night I had to leave Rayna at Mahogany.
Patricia, Big D’s wife and Tara’s mother, was driving trying to merge onto the 10 when this truck came and ran right into her. According to the police investigation, she was applying makeup while driving so she didn’t even see it coming. Patricia was on her way to a fundraising event that she was hosting. That night Big D and Tara tried getting a hold of me but I purposely turned my phone off. Petey always knew where to find me, so he knew where I’d be that night. I met them at the hospital where they gave me the news. Tara didn’t take it well at all. She had to be sedated because she was out of control, filled with distraught. I stayed by her side that night at the hospital. As much as my feelings had changed for Tara, one thing that had remained the same was she was like family. Her parents had been good to me over the years. I stayed by her side for several days after. Once Patricia was buried, I started to detach. I thought about where being with her too much could lead us…and Rayna. I hadn’t seen her in about a week.
I knew back in Puerto Vallarta that I couldn’t begin a sexual relationship with Rayna though I wanted her ass so bad. The timelines were too blurred. Although my sexual affairs had expired with Tara, her pregnancy was a looming disaster, something that delicate would need explaining to Rayna if she were to learn of it. I had no intention of telling her, I was that confident of the paternity. But what I was aiming for was for Rayna to want me so bad that when we did fuck and Tara’s pregnancy or any of my hairy shit hit the fan, I would be absolved of accusation of seducing her. I wouldn’t have to disbosom shit, I rarely made such sloppy mistakes. My dick wasn’t happy with my plan because every time I saw her I felt radiating sensations in my groin. Her touch was soft, her lips delectable, her fragrance electrifying and her kiss took my breath away. I knew she would be trouble for me. I was feeling shit with Rayna that no former block hugger had any business feeling; we aren’t capable.
I deliberately stayed away for days at a time because it was only a matter of opportunity when I’d have her right where I wanted; underneath me with her legs around my waist screaming my name or on her knees worshiping my strongman down her throat. I knew she’d like it and I would teach her just how to please me. But she had to pursue me first. I almost gave in that night at my apartment. Michelle’s emergency was a gift for me but a curse to her loved ones. I wanted to play this right. But goddamn I wanted to taste Rayna’s ass so bad my dick hurt.
“I got too much riding on this shit, man,” I said staring at the keyboard of my desktop snapping out of my reverie.
“What? That Rayna…?” he asked although he knew what the answer would be.