After that morning, I didn’t see Azmir for about a week. That seemed to have been our rhythm; we’d enjoy time alone and then go long periods without running into each other. My rehearsals for his party were more frequent and my responsibilities with Michelle were time consuming. We would text each other daily and even touched on the we almost went there topic once or twice.
In no time guilt from my irresponsible behavior gave way. I was prepared to sleep with Azmir without discussing safety or statuses of sexually transmitted diseases. Perhaps that's why things didn't work out. It had been gnawing at me for days. I swore off unprotected sex after my viral gift from Tyquan and that included not knowing my status. I couldn’t walk into another intimate situation with Azmir without being responsible. I eventually made an appointment with my doctor to have a range of STD tests done. I hadn't been tested in over a year, much because I had not been active. But considering my near-sexual experience with both Richard and Azmir it was clear that sex was something I was likely to do and needed to know my status. I recall being nervous as hell when being poked and prodded for blood and other specimens.
"Just relax, Rayna. Making the decision was the most challenging part in this process,” Dr. Lighty comforted.
"And if I'm positive for anything?" I asked with widened eyes and breathing erratically at the thought.
"Then we'll treat whatever it is. No need to worry now. You haven’t been sexually active since when?"
Wow. It's been so long. "Last summer, maybe?" I couldn’t quite recall. I’d had an encounter or two after the date rape incident.
"And your last HIV test was last fall. That's one of the bigger fish. Either way, we'll cross that bridge if we get to it. Your results should be back in about a week's time."
I couldn’t eat, think, or breathe after leaving the doctor’s office that day. For some reason, I always experienced those high atwitter episodes around testing seasons. It was as if those naughty demons you’ve danced with all showed up at the time of testing with you.
Within a week, I was back at the doctor's office receiving my results.
"So, as you can see, Rayna, you are clear of them all. But please remember to get tested..."
"...every six months," I recited along with her.
I let out a strong exhale as Molly, the health educator, went over my results with me after taking painstakingly long to go over every sexually transmitted infection that I was tested for and its pathology. It was excruciating. I packed up to leave agreeing to follow up with Dr. Lighty about a selection of birth control. I was negative across the board. For the first time in my life, all negative scores were a welcoming delight.
It was just after ten a.m. when I headed into the office. I dumped my purse and briefcase at my desk and headed into the copy room where I furtively scanned my records and sent the copies to my e-mail making sure not to be seen. Treading back to my desk, I retrieved the email from the copier, hit forward and sent them to Azmir’s personal e-mail account. I waited...seconds, minutes, hours had passed without a word of receipt.
My day progressed and around three p.m. Michelle had stopped in with lattes to meet with me about starting Facebook and Twitter accounts for the Long Beach City location. Apparently, the other practices had already done it. I didn’t do social networking mainly because there was no one from my past that I cared to reconnect with. So, Michelle was so gracious to provide guidance and also to discuss quarterly expenditures.
"I think you're doing better than the older locations."
"Yeah, you think?" I asked nervously. I'd still not gotten comfortable in my role as practice manager. It was as if I was constantly waiting to have the carpet pulled right from underneath me.
"Oh, yeah. Wayne Tanner over in O.C. has grossly exceeded his allocations by forty percent. Isn't that ridiculous? I'm sure much of his expenditures go to doting on his female subordinates."
We belted out gut-wrenched laughter at that one. Michelle knew all the scoop. There was never a dull moment discussing work with her.