My body tensed and eyes ballooned. “Why?”
“Because she doesn’t matter and never will. You’re my personal life, Zo. She’s outside.”
“Does she get to talk about me? Does she know who I am? Does she know my son?” I felt bitterness coat my tongue with that thought.
“No,” his tone was agitated. “I don’t discuss my personal life with her. She has not met JR, and as far as I’m concerned, she never has to.”
“That’s insane, Stenton!” I whispered harshly. “You’re dating her.”
Stenton groaned, and I imagined brushed his face roughly with his hands like he typically did. “Zoey, you and Jordan are my real world. Erika’s cool…decent girl, but I don’t want her like that. I don’t discuss my family with her. It’s no big deal. I keep my family separate from my career. You guys are that precious to me. End of fucking story.”
Things got quiet for a moment. I didn’t know where to go from there. Although Stenton was being ambiguous per usual, there was still some stability in his stance. I trusted him—probably too much. Yes, he’d hurt me, but a part of me knew he’d never do it recklessly.
“I’m just so confused, Stent.” The tears threatened again. “I miss…us.”
“I know. I’ve caused such a fucking mess between us.” He exhaled harshly. “I didn’t mean to. I just… I just need you to know I’m here. You don’t have to keep such a distance between us. I hate this shit, Ni?a.”
“So, what do you expect me to do? Open up again, all for you to reject me?”
“I’m not rejecting you! I’m protecting us!”
“And I don’t know what that means!” I’d lost my patience.
Stenton turned my body to face him and pressed his forehead into mine. He grabbed my left hand and singled out my ring finger marred with his initials, something I still didn’t regret, but had eventually started to question. He inserted my entire finger into his mouth, stroked his tongue over the underside several times before pulling it out.
“It means Stenton Rogers will love Elizabeth Barrett forever. There’s nothing you or anyone in this world can do about that. It means there is no other woman holding my thoughts hostage each and every day, but you. It means in all the years before you and since I fucked up everything between us, no other woman drives me fucking crazy. It means no matter how far apart we are in distance, or who I’m reported to be with, it will never change the man you’ve brought out in me. It will never dim the beacon you represent in my life. It means no other woman can claim my soul the way you have. End. Of. Fucking. Story.”
And that was it. He closed off the conversation. I had so many fears to share with him. So many things to ration, but there was no longer the opportunity. Yet his emanating desire for me was palpable, sucking me into him. When I’m intimate with Stenton in any manner, life has its vivacity again. I see sunlight. I feel again. I’m whole again.
“Stenton!” I cried out.
And without instruction, he was on top of me; mouth everywhere, clever hands on each area that elicited a cry of pleasure. It was the magic…that we made together.
~~~~~~~~~~
Sunlight pierced my lids, and my eyes rolled beneath, not ready to leave the peacefulness of my sleep. My first thought raced to Jordan. Then I quickly recalled I wasn’t home. It didn’t smell like home. The bed was comfortable, but it wasn’t mine. Then I thought of my Jordan again.
He’s with mommy.
…or Stenton.