Ughhhhhhhh!
I was self-loathing…engaged in a private pity-party, something that has never been my style. I headed back out to the backyard that was elegantly laid out in its architectural design. There were a total of two in-ground stone pools and a Jacuzzi in a yard that could be best described as a garden. The landscape was sectioned off by one side where the connecting pool and Jacuzzi were part of a smaller and more intimate setting off of the main yard where a larger pool was, and a patio made of stones where the guest tables were set up. There was even an alcove dedicated to the two large grills being manned by a hired cook. The lawn surrounding the stone platform was perfectly green and manicured. The property was beautiful, even I was impressed. My family and church associates expressed awe while fawning over the prestige of the place. Hearing it from the fickle ones who whispered scandal during my pregnancy disturbed me. I was sure being here in Alpine provided grist for their gossip mill.
The guests weren’t the only ones taken by the place. I’d never seen the back of the property. When Stenton brought me here the one time, we’d played in the snow on the side of the house. The winter weather prevented us from exploring the grounds.
After dropping off the strawberries to First Lady, I thought to check on Jordan, who I’d last seen with Ruth. I didn’t want him passed around and unaccounted for too long. As my heels clicked against the stones while I scoured the tables for my baby, I felt someone grab my arm. I glanced down at the seat to the left of me.
“Girl, what you frowning for? If I was you I’d be floating around here showing off,” Darlena, one of the choir members advised, wearing a slick grin. According to my cousin, Karen, she was one of the most vocal ones announcing my pregnancy and demanding that First Lady Tessie call an emergency meeting to discuss rampant fornication in the church. Never mind the knowledge of her miscarriage during her engagement that she conveniently didn’t mention during her lobbying. Her father was the treasurer and most likely the reason her indiscretion had been kept under wraps. “You know this could be yours if you wanted.” Her tone and expression was so mischievous it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand erect.
I bent to align my eyes with hers. “That would require more time on my knees, using my mouth to worship the god between his legs and more babies for you to campaign my entry into the gates of hell for. Why would I do that, Darlena?”
She wasn’t the only one to gasp. A few of her ear-hustling tablemates caught my mocking as well. I walked away angry about my mother’s decision to invite the whole church. I’d been okay with celebrating my graduation, unlike how I felt about having a baby shower. But this…this was what I could have done without.
Once I located Jordan in the arms of my father, I decided I needed a moment alone. The overall atmosphere of this party was benevolent, but I couldn’t shake my sullen mood and certainly couldn’t tolerate phoniness from people like Darlena.
When I stepped into the coolness of the house, I headed for the front where I knew I could be alone. I immediately noticed the new grace of the foyer and living room. The robust traditional furniture against the contemporary architecture of the structure was a touch of genius. It gave the place a homey feel as opposed to the clinical appearance I experienced the last time I was here. The first time I was here. The memories of that visit weren’t filled with the warmth of the passage into womanhood like they were when I’d left. It now represented the start of a risky path, one that almost prevented today’s celebration.
What if I had not texted him that winter break, asking to get aw—