For the first few minutes I’m fine. Like really, okay. I’ve known Bernard for years. He’s known for his queening antics. I’ve had to check him a few times over the years, but never about throwing Stenton in my face. He’s always inquired about him curiously and I’d just dismiss it as him being human and wondering why I would never mention my son’s father, not even casually.
Tonight, Bernard has shown me more than he realizes. His mention of my lifestyle and Stenton lets me know he’s insecure about Stenton, someone who has never been a factor in our affairs. Stenton may have sent me away on lots of excursions over the years, but I’m a working professional, who with time to save, can send myself off to continue to explore.
By the time I’m on my third martini, having gone to the bar in the hotel we’re staying at, I finally allow myself to think about him. I don’t want to. I want to entrench my mind, body and soul into Bernard here in Jamaica. I want new. Need new. But how can I move on to someone else when I haven’t reclaimed my heart from another man? This isn’t looking good for me.
After I order my fourth drink, I go into my phone and search my texts, scrolling until I find the one I received from Angela the day Bernard and I left to fly out here. I never responded because I thought I was coasting into my new and didn’t want any distractions.
Hey Zo! KK just told me about what happened between you and Stenton in S.C. I’m sorry and I hope wasting my time giving you a piece of “Zoey’s Advice”. If you find yourself struggling to get past it, you have to simply forgive him. I won’t take up too much time arguing this. It is after all what you told me to do with Timmy when I got pregnant with Brooklyn. I wish I listened instead of spending so many years angry with the world because of something he did. Remember your words to me: forgive and move on. Whether it’s with or without Stenton, Zoey has to move on.
Love you babes
xoxoxo
Move on.
I’m trying to.
Something has to give. I’m broken. I’m torn.
He betrayed me! He took advantage of my na?veté. He abused my trust, zeal and eagerness to please him…to connect with him. He manipulated me!
Get over yourself, Zo. You manipulated that man from the start of your relationship. You seduced him. You had a secret agenda, executed it and got the results you wanted. You got Stenton. He loved you. Yeah. He manipulated your consent, kept his agenda from you, and got what he wanted: you and Jordan. But were they not the same offenses, just different outcomes?
But he kept this secret from me for years. He kept himself at a distance, torturing me with what could have been!
You had the man playing hide-and-go-seek in his mansion all to get him to sleep with you. Stenton could have given you what you were asking for and tossed you out on the street like he would any other woman plotting to get into his bed. But he didn’t. He remained and gave you a try.
He took my innocence, altered my path with his selfishness. I could have been further ahead had he not interfered. I lost a year of school! I had dreams to pursue, but instead, I’ve been suffering a broken heart while raising a child as a single parent!
He put you right back on your career path, all expenses paid, and gave you a love like none other: Jordan. Yeah. He stayed away. He said he wanted you to accomplish those goals without his influence. Stenton facilitated your every endeavor. You’ve studied. You’ve traveled. You’re raising a healthy child with him. Because of all of this you were able to start a business independent of him, on your sole merit. You’re now soaring. What can’t be forgiven, Zo?
I grab my phone from the bar top and tap. It rings.
“Zo?” His tone is hesitant. I’ve awakened him.
“Why are you sleeping?” my tone curt.
I hear swishing sounds on his end from adjusting the phone.
“It’s almost two in the morning. Are you okay? Where are you?”
Now I hear panic. I don’t have time for it. I roll my eyes.
“You know where I am.”
“Where’s Bernard?”