“Listen, Zoey.” I turned to his back as he still faced the window. “When we started this…shit…you were so young. Privately, I struggled so damn much with your age. You were tender and inexperienced beyond your virginity. But when I was with you, all of those doubts, fears, and reservations fell by the wayside. I tossed caution to the wind and got swept up by your beauty, aptitude, ability to be transparent, your forceful spirit…the way you squared your fucking shoulders and kept your chin in the air against harsh winds.”
Stenton turned to me. “The way you challenged me, and forced new lenses to my eyes…the way you always ride for your family, and the way you love me with no pretenses, seeing past all the bullshit of my lifestyle.” He stopped and furrowed his brows. “I mean, you’ve never asked to go to a game. Have you even watched one yet?” My eyes swept the floor. “You and Sarah; you two don’t give a shit about what I do on the courts. You make me feel valued off of it.” Facing me, Stenton lowered himself, aligning his head with mine. “Shit. That’s not something I can get from a fucking Erika Erceg. I’ve been in the league thirteen years and I’ve never come across a woman who saw past the ball in my hand or the bank account that follows it.”
Stenton then cupped my face with his hands. “I’m not going anywhere. I swear on my life that I will always be here for you and Jordan. No one could ever replace or compare to what you two bring me. I don’t know what this next step will be for us. You’re going back to school and I’m starting a new season. One thing I do know is that I’ll be here for you and for Jordan.” He exhaled and closed his eyes before opening them again. “I love you so fucking much, Zo, it scares the shit out of me. But I will not force you to make a call before you’re ready. You need to experience life, conquer those goals you told me about two years ago. Go off and fucking take on the world. If you realize it’s me you want when it’s all said and done, I’ll be here waiting.”
The tears fell from my eyes and mucous fell from my nostrils. I felt the emptiness once again, however this time I had answers. He wasn’t ready. Stenton still wasn’t choosing me. Oddly, I did feel he wouldn’t go too far while I “grew up.” Maybe there was hope after all. Maybe we’d one day be together.
I nodded in silence. My eyes were to the floor because I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t face him with the tears and snotty face. It would add to his reasons for thinking I wasn’t mature enough for him.
Stenton’s phone pinged on the counter. He exhaled, exasperated, as his lids slowly closed. He placed his forehead on mine.
“That’s my driver. I have to run home and pack for my flight. I’ll be back in a couple of weeks. My schedule is going to get crazy, but I’ll be here as much as I can, even if that means sleeping here more than my own place. I know you’re about to be busy preparing for school.” He used his index finger to lift my chin, forcing my eyes to meet his. “Zo, if you ever need anything—I don’t give a damn how small or…personal the request—reach out to me. I don’t like the distance. I’ve not done well with it. I want that to change. Okay?”
My answer took a while to surface. I’d never been much of a liar. It was actually something I preferred to be absent from all close relationships I had. This thing with Stenton though was entirely different. It was a miscellany of emotions—contradicting ones—I’d never experienced. I knew I needed the space. I needed to work on me to become the woman Stenton needed, not the girl he perceived me to be. School would help with that. I had another start and I was prepared to take it. I had a lot to prove.
“Okay,” I murmured as I gently removed his hands from the sides of my face to swipe my tears and running nose. I forced a smile as I backed out of his person and got a napkin from the center of the island and started to clean my face. “You’re right. I have lots to do to prepare for this new phase of my life. You go ahead and say goodbye to Jordan and we’ll see you when you get back into town.” My voice was less shaky than my belly as I lied through my teeth. My smile was still in tow as I exited the room without saying another word.
From that moment, I had a new charge of pulling out that old Elizabeth and polishing her anew. I had to chase my future in order to find me.
Chapter 15
Now
July 2014
~Stenton~