He’d been a fool to let her leave his bed the evening before without begging her to stay. He was finished behaving as a fool.
It was the part of himself he hated most—his desire to always do what he thought right. In that moment of cowardice, he’d believed it right of him to let her leave if she thought it best. But he’d realized his mistake the moment he’d left his room. There was nothing right about Grace leaving his life.
How many times had his notions of right or wrong been misguided? All that had happened with Osla, Niall, and Baodan should have shown him that. Sometimes he made very bad mistakes. Letting her believe he didn’t want her here, even for a moment, was one of them.
He needed her, unlike anyone he’d ever met. He needed her and Cooper to show him that he could be the man he knew he was, not the man others had believed him to be for so many years.
She needed him as well.
Eoghanan knew that he could help her open up to believing that being a mother didn’t negate her need to be desired or loved. Each time he kissed her, he could sense her restraint. Even now as he flung his bedchamber door open, pushing her up against the doorway as he cupped her breast with his hand, she moaned and pushed herself into it. He could feel the effort she put into trying to keep herself from enjoying it fully. Too many years alone had somehow convinced the lass that after motherhood one couldn’t express sexual desires. It was the one foolish notion he’d seen in her.
Mothers who were regularly tupped by a man who loved them made the happiest moms; just as dads who found release in their wives were the happiest of men.
He would prove that to her tonight.
*
Each flick of his tongue down my neck, each squeeze of my breast through the fabric of my dress had me writhing against him, one part of me desperate for him to undress me, the other part guilty for being so self-indulgent.
As far as I could see, motherhood was the greatest blessing one could receive in life, but with it came a sort of constant, eternal sense of guilt I’d yet to learn how to shake. I’d spent much of my childhood alone under the care of nannies or Jeffrey’s father, and I remembered wondering why my parents didn’t want to spend time with me. What was so important that they were always gone?
I didn’t ever want Cooper to wonder where I was, to ever question whether I thought something else was more important than him. I’d not been able to take a yoga class or get a massage since his birth without feeling guilty for leaving him.
Eoghanan must have sensed my hesitation for he stopped kissing me. Although he kept our bodies pressed together, my back still against the wall, he cupped my head in his hands and spoke. “Where are ye lass? For ’tis no right here with me.”
I closed my eyes in resignation of how right he was. I wanted nothing more than to be present, in this moment, to enjoy him in every imaginable way, but something resisted. “Coop, he…”
Eoghanan didn’t allow me to finish, covering my mouth with one of his palms. “Hush, Grace. This night is no about Cooper, nor Jeffrey, nor anyone else within these walls. Ye needn’t worry about him. He’s with his dad and our new guests, one of whom I know has him up in her lap talking all about his wee dinosaurs. Bri loves children and, even if ye were with Cooper now, she will be the one who has his attention. Tonight…” he released his grip on my mouth and lifted me away from the wall, keeping both hands behind me as he worked at my laces. He spoke in between kisses he placed strategically along my collarbone, “…only ye and me exist in the world. We must help rid the other of the chains we place ourselves in.”
He travelled his kisses up the side of my neck, along my jawline as he let go of the laces. He gripped the top of my sleeves and pulled, sending my dress to the floor as he kissed me on the lips once more.
His breathing escalated instantaneously, though I knew he’d yet to glance down at my naked body. His eyes were locked with my own, his voice deep and husky with desire.
“I love ye, Grace. I am no saying it because I want ye in me bed. I say it because I’ve loved ye since the first time I saw ye. Before ye knew of me existence, I loved ye.”
I’d fallen for a similar line once before and wound up with Cooper, but unlike the time before when the man’s confession had been laced with beer and delivered simultaneously with the opening of a condom, I felt the truthfulness of Eoghanan’s words somewhere deep inside.