I closed my eyes as I reached the end of the entry, my fingers lingering lovingly on the last line. I remembered so little about that day. To have him detail it so attentively was as if he’d started caring for me the first day he’d ever seen me. The adoration in his words was overwhelming. I flipped forward, finding an entry dated the day Cooper and I arrived at the inn.
“God, me heart stopped beating when I saw ye standing in the kitchen. To see ye when ye canna see me is one thing; to know that ye are looking back at me is another. I have no ever felt such a way before, lass. There is something between us, aye? I know that we doona know each other, but ’tis there; a feeling that tells me I canna go back to a life before I met ye. I think ’tis how it should be, perhaps. I wouldna know, ’tis a verra new experience for me. I knew there was a reason me travels back sent me to ye. I dinna believe Morna when she said ’twas no her doing. It was, and I couldna be more grateful for it. I am verra fond of ye, lass. I think in time, ye will be of me as well.”
I’d been too shocked at Cooper’s exclamations of knowing the man to let it sink in at the time, but I’d felt much the same way. A sudden shift in my being, like a gear in my brain clicking into place when I saw him. From that moment, I couldn’t be in the same room with him without being intensely aware of him every moment, without feeling his presence deep in my bones.
“I knew the wee lad had seen me, but I’d hoped it hadna been so clearly that he’d recognize me. I hope that the idea dinna scare ye, lass. I saw yer eyes widen at Cooper’s exclamation and aye, I suppose ’tis a bit unsettling to think that I might have been watching ye without yer knowledge. And although I have, ’tis been nothing but care and admiration in me heart while doin so.”
I had no doubt about that. As he’d said, Morna controlled where he went, not him. Cooper had known that as well; from his first glimpse of him in the airport, when he’d tried to tell me about him and I’d been frightened, he’d said he could see what a good man he was from his eyes.
There were several more entries that I skimmed, coming finally to the last one, written only this morning.
“I am a man who has denied meself many things, but none has been so difficult as denying meself ye. To know that ye plan to leave here ’tis no something I wish to think about. I understand why ye feel that ye must, but ye are wrong. Ye belong here. Ye and Cooper and Jeffrey; ye could all be a part of this family. I need ye. I love ye, lass. Doona leave.”
Mitsy was right. He cared too much about others and too little about himself to ask me what he wanted anywhere but in these journals. What a gift, though he’d not wished for me to see it, to know how he felt; to know that he’d not slowly warmed to me, but opened his heart to me so immediately, trusting that some things are meant to be so much more readily than I had.
I closed the journal, my eyes brimming with tears and abundant gratitude for this strange, miraculous change in the path of my life.
I heard sudden footsteps behind me. I knew it was Eoghanan even before I turned.
“I’ve been looking everywhere for ye, lass.
Chapter 27
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…” I trailed off as I stood and faced him, waiting for him to approach me. Truthfully, I was much more sorry that I’d been caught than having read the journal.
When he reached me, he cupped either side of my face, brushing away a loose tear with his thumb, before kissing me gently. I relaxed against him, matching his slow kisses with my own.
After a moment, he pulled away, leaning in to whisper in my ear. “Doona be sorry. They were meant for ye, only mayhap no so soon.”
I wound one of my hands into his hair, holding him close to me as I spoke. “It’s not too soon. I’m not going anywhere. You can thank Jeffrey for helping me see that I couldn’t.”
“Aye, I shall thank him, lass, but no tonight.” He kissed me again, but not slowly like before; it was deeper, more urgent and I molded my body against him, my knees growing weak with anticipation.
A sudden commotion sounded below us, the voices of many people echoing up through the stairwell. I groaned internally, pulling away from his kiss and allowing my head to drop disappointingly onto his shoulder. “Your guests are here.”
“Guests?” He lifted my head, asking for more explanation.
“Yes, the Conalls are here, I think. They’ve come to stay until the baby is born.”
He nodded. “I am no surprised.” Gripping my hand, he pulled me out of the room and started moving down the stairwell rather quickly.
I assumed he was taking me to greet them, but as he turned the corner leading to his bedchamber rather than continuing to the great hall, I smiled. “Where are we going?”
“To bed, Grace. Ye can meet them in the morning. It nearly killed me to no bury meself inside ye before. I willna be interrupted now.”
If we’d not been moving, I knew my knees would have actually buckled. I’d always thought that a dramatic cliché, but it wasn’t. His words thrilled me so much that my heart sped up to a frightening pace. I could scarcely breathe. All of the blood seemed to drain from my brain, leaving no other thoughts but him and what I wanted him to do to me.
*