Killing Me Softly(A Broken Souls Series)

I take the packet and walk with my dad to the elevator. Since the floor for the psych ward is only for psych patients, people on the elevator look at you like they’re trying to figure out your brand of crazy. We stand in silence with the rest of the non-crazy people and wait for the ground floor light to flash.

“It’s a beautiful day!” Dad exclaims when we get outside. “I hope you’ve watered my plants. What have you been doing?”

“We’ll talk about it over lunch. Yes, I watered the plants. Do you have a preference for food?”

“A sub sounds good, how about you?”

“Subs are fine.” We sit in silence as I dodge the afternoon traffic on Northwest Expressway. There’s three lanes and they’re always loaded with traffic and every business you can imagine jammed on one road. During rush hour, it can take you thirty minutes to go three miles. Never mind getting anywhere quickly if there’s a car accident. “I’m going to go down Meridian, this traffic is too busy.”

“Okay Holly, whatever is more convenient.”

Who is he? My phone beeps in my purse. I hope it’s a text from Tate. I’m scheduled to work the next three days so I want to see him tonight. I feel bad for getting so upset with him yesterday. It wasn’t fair of me to be so rude to him.

The Sub-Station is busy but they have a big dining area so there are still places for us to sit. As we stand in line, I take out my phone.

HEY BEAUTIFUL. WILL YOU GO TO DINNER WITH ME TONIGHT? I HAVE A TASTE FOR STRAWBERRY LIPGLOSS. 12:07 pm

I smile to myself before answering him.

DINNER SOUNDS GOOD. I DON’T HAVE STRAWBERRY LIPGLOSS. MUST BE OTHER GIRLFRIEND. 12:11 pm

OH YEAH. YOURS IS CHERRY. CAN I PICK YOU UP? 12:11 pm

HA HA 12:12 pm

I MISS YOUR SMILE. YOU HAVE A GREAT ASS. 12:13 pm

I blush from his text.

I WILL MEET YOU AT WAFFLE SHACK ON SOONER ROAD. YOUR ASS IS NICE TOO! 12:13 pm

YOU VIXEN! 12:14 pm

HA! HA! 12:15 pm

Dad orders us both a turkey and avocado sub with extra mayo on his. I go over to the register and pay, leaving him to stand and wait for our food.

I find us a table in the corner away from everyone. I’m trying to be mad at him, but he’s being so nice and normal, I accept the little things like a good day.

I’m still unwrapping my sub when my dad breaks the silence. “Holly, I’m sorry. I don’t know what was wrong with me, it was so overwhelming to think of you dating and I couldn’t take it anymore. I can’t explain how my head works, I wish I could. It would be a lie if I said I wouldn’t have killed myself. The truth is, I’m glad Laney called the ambulance. Today is a normal day and all of that sounds like someone else’s life. This new medication works immediately instead of three to four weeks. Let me say this, if anything ever does happen and I succeed at offing myself, it isn’t your fault in any way. It’s hard to explain, but I’ll try. In my head everything is normal, but everyone else acts as though I’m the abnormal one. Once I’ve reached that level of irrational reactions, there isn’t much anyone can do for me. When I was younger, they would try to talk me down from my superior post, but that didn’t work either. The mental hospital gives me a sedative to calm me down. I love you too much Holly. It isn’t healthy depending on someone to be there forever. You’re a woman and you’re old enough to make your own decisions. Even if that means the guy you decide to date. I don’t want any more secrets between us.” He picks off a tomato and bites into it as he waits for my reply.

This is a trick, my real dad is in there waiting to appear when I let my guard down. “I don’t want secrets either. You ruined me the other day with your whole bit about my mom. How selfish! We’re going to sit down and have a serious conversation about her. This isn’t the right time.”

“You’re right, it was selfish, and we’ll talk later, whenever you’re ready. Tell me about him, your boyfriend, I guess that’s your good news.” He takes a sip of his sweet tea and leans back.

I take a deep breath and contemplate what to tell him. “I’m going to tell you my good news first. The other night I was at a club and I got up and sang. It wasn’t karaoke, it was real singing, no words on a screen. The owner of the club and a talent scout were there to hear us sing. They offered a singing deal. Before you panic, it’s a singing deal for night clubs. I will go to clubs and sing, they’ll all be in Oklahoma and when I get comfortable with the situation, I’ll do clubs in Dallas.”

“You say it like you’ve already signed up.”

“I haven’t signed yet, but I will if they approve the addendum. I have an attorney who handles entertainment contracts. There’s more, my,” I pause as I debate finishing my sentence, “boyfriend, Tate, is part of the contract. Before you say anything, let me tell you about him and about singing, because the contract is for us to sing together as a duet. Give me the courtesy to get my story out before saying anything.” Dad nods his head but I can tell he wants to say something. “I met Tate when he was singing at a club, actually a bookstore and we clicked. I can’t explain the feeling, but it was as if we became best friends the minute we started talking to each other. I didn’t find out he was in the military until our first date. He isn’t like other guys his age, he’s smart and has his shit together. He grew up on a farm in Oregon, he has a good heart and he’s a perfect gentleman.” This is my sales pitch to a man who just got out of a mental lock-up who went in because of Tate being military. Dad sits there looking at me, not saying a word. Finally, he nods his head up and down.

“I’m going to be honest with you and say that I think you’re in over your head when it comes to signing a contract. How many times have you sang with this Tate guy?”

“This Tate guy and I have sang publically the one time. On our dates, he plays the guitar and we sing together.” Even to my own ears it sounds crazy that the first time I sing in public, I’m offered a deal. “The guy who offered us the contract was there to hear Tate sing. I didn’t know he was there or I wouldn’t have gone on the stage. It was Tate’s birthday Saturday. I sang him a song that the lyrics expressed how I feel about him. He is nothing like the guy you say my mom was married to, he’s a good guy. Actually, he’s a great guy. The lawyer was one Tate found and he knows entertainment contracts. It isn’t as though we’re signing to be the next Blake and Miranda, we’re singing in night clubs not arenas.”

“Are they going to pay you or are you doing it for free? You have a big heart honey and I know you wouldn’t demand money from someone.” He takes a huge bite of his sub and stares at me as he chews his food.

He called me honey, he would always tuck me in at night and say “good-night honey.” “Yes, we’re getting paid. I will get five-hundred dollars per night and he will get the same. Our addendum deals with the fact that his job in the military is priority. Tate’s an air traffic controller. He’s just turned twenty-two and he stays away from the other military guys in his dorms because they’re too rowdy. He wants to meet you, I’ve met his grandmother, when she flew in from Oregon for his birthday. As a matter of fact, she was there the night we sang. Give him a chance for me, please.” In a blink of an eye, I went from caregiver to daughter looking for acceptance.