Jesus Freaks: Sins of the Father

My ears are ringing in rage and panic and I suck in my bottom lip. Shit. My lip ring is still in and, for once, I don’t care. I need it.

I reach the center of the cafeteria, where a table is stacked with what looks to be hundreds of the same exact flyer, my supposed sin splashed all over it. With the same look she had on her face that day at the coffee shop, Joy is distributing the papers at a rapid rate.

“Take a look at who is spiritually guiding us! A man who is having an affair with a student. See who CU accepts as students?” She points to my face as she says it.

A scream rumbles through me as I pull my hands back and push her with what could very well be all my might. “You bitch!” I scream at the top of my lungs.

Silence.

Silence so loud I want to cover my ears and duck under the table. My shoulders are rising with each erratic breath I take, and I’m barely conscious of Matt, who is behind me, reaching for my arm. I shake him off.

“You. Bitch,” I reiterate, in case any of these virgin ears didn’t hear me. Demerits can go screw themselves.

Joy lifts her chin in bitch defiance. “Well, here she is now. The harlot herself. The one who walks around here like she’s better than all of us but who is sleeping with New Life’s pastor.”

“Joy,” Matt growls as an apparent warning.

She’s unaffected. Her eyes widen. “Oh, I’m sorry. Is she sleeping with you, too?”

I put my hand up, stopping anything Matt is going to say next.

“You’ve lost your damn mind,” I spit out. I hate defending myself, but it’s beyond necessary at this point.

Only, I don’t know how far I’ll have to go. I don’t know where Roland is. And I don’t know if I wish he was here or not. My hand is forced in the most public way. More than if I’d let him just introduce me during a sermon. Staring at every face at once, I feel the scarlet letter forming. Burning on my chest.

“Sex aside,” Joy nearly purrs. “Your relationship with Pastor Roland Abbot is clearly inappropriate and needs the attention of this school and the congregation at New Life.”

No. Roland can’t lose his job. Not over this. Not when there’s a simple answer.

Simple my ass.

God, please help me. Please.

I take a deep breath and open my mouth, my eyes unwavering from Joy’s stupid face. “You’re right,” I start. “Pastor Roland and I do have a relationship. But it’s not what you think.”

Joy places her hands on her tiny, insignificant hips and cocks her head to the side. “Well, I can’t wait to hear your explanation.”

Just loud enough for everyone to hear, I say in the sharpest tone I have in me, “He’s my father.”

A collective gasp sucks the air from the room. Joy’s eyes widen and then her face turns white, though her eyes still retain traces of venom.

I put my head down and run for the nearest exit, which dumps me out onto an open field at the topmost point of the hill on which CU sits. When the door closes behind me, I let out a bloodcurdling scream and start running.

It’s pouring. For the first day since I’ve been on campus, rain lets go from the clouds in impressive buckets. The cold November rain has me soaked in seconds. My bones feel the chill instantly.

“Kennedy!” Matt’s gravelly voice shouts above the deafening rain. It competes with the thunder that’s just started up.

I don’t turn around, and I don’t know where I’m running. Just away. I probably should call Roland, or my mom, or both, but all I can focus on right now is getting as far away from Mission Hall as possible.

“Agh! Would you stop?!” He catches up to me and forcefully grips my shoulders, spinning me around.

“You knew!” I scream, facing him with sheets of water coming down between us. “You fucking knew Roland is my father!” Slamming my fists against his chest, I’m grateful for the release the profanity is providing me in this instant. I have control over nothing right now except my words. And I’m using whichever ones I please.

“Yeah, I knew,” he shouts back. “So?”

I hold my hands out. “So? So?!”

“What was I supposed to do, Kennedy?” His eyes are fierce as he retains his grip on me.

“Say something, maybe? Help me…I don’t know.” Lightning brightens the sky and a startling crack of thunder causes me to jump. From the corner of my eye, I can see a small drove of students leaving the dining hall and heading in our direction.

Matt sees them, too, and takes my hand. “Come with me.”

“Fuck off.” I pull my hand back, an action made easier by my soaking wet hand.

“Take it easy, Potty Mouth,” he tries to tease, but is still yelling. “I’m helping you now. Take it. Trust me.”

“Trust you? Oh, that’s rich.”

Matt sighs and shakes his head. “I didn’t want to have to do this…”

“Do wha—” In one swift motion, Matt hoists me over his shoulder. “Matt! Stop! Put me down!”