“She’ll have it, no matter what,” I insisted.
Cecilia smiled. “I know that, Joshua, it’s just sometimes a woman needs … reassurance, okay? What might seem insignificant to one person can be … devastating to someone else.”
I was confused. But I nodded anyway.
I stood in the kitchen after having been in the hot tub, the pain in my leg lessened from the pills and the heat. Adam was upstairs, talking and typing. I could hear the muted sounds of Frank’s snores from the other side of the house where he was sleeping. Cecilia, Trevor and Daniel had left. I blinked, feeling how heavy my eyes were. Daniel was right. I was tired. Between the emotion of the past couple of days and the effects of the painkillers, I was having a hard time staying awake.
Quietly, I made my way down the hall and slipped into the bedroom. Rabbit was still curled up under the blanket. The late afternoon sun was around the front of the house, leaving the bedroom bathed in a dim light. Sighing, I crawled onto the bed; desperately wanting to feel Rabbit close to me but unsure if she would want that right now. Tentatively, my hand reached out and stroked her hair that lay across the pillow, softly caressing her head and down into the thick tresses. She sighed and rolled over, fitting herself against me. I smiled in relief as one hand found its usual purchase on my shirt, anchoring herself to me. My arms wrapped around her, drawing her closer, and she burrowed into my chest and quietly breathed my name. I nuzzled my face into her fragrant smelling hair and finally allowed myself to relax. I drifted into sleep surrounded by her warmth.
The room had darkened into early twilight when my eyes opened again. I looked down and was immediately caught in the vivid gaze of Rabbit’s stare. Leaning down, I grazed her lips with mine.
“Hi,” I said warily.
Her answering smile was timid, her eyes troubled. Frowning, I cupped her cheek. “Tell me. Please. Did I frighten you, Rabbit?”
Her eyes widened. “No. You defended me. I know you didn’t plan that, Joshua. I also know it’s not in your nature to be violent with another person.”
I nodded in relief. “Tell me then. What is it?”
She regarded me guardedly. “It seems to me that I’m a lot of trouble,” she whispered, her voice shaking. “Are you sure … I’m worth it?”
I stared at her aghast.
Was she worth it?
Before I could answer her, she continued. “I don’t have anything to offer you.”
“Stop it.” My voice was firm. “Rabbit, did you not hear me out there? You are everything to me. I will do anything for you. You don’t have anything to offer? You have given me more in the short time I’ve known you than you realize. You have brought so much to my life. Look at what I overcame because of your love and support. Please, don’t question how vital you are to me now.”
“But am I … enough?”
I stared at her unable to figure out what she was saying. “Enough?” I repeated.
Her eyes looked away. “Am I enough … good enough for you … everywhere, Joshua?”
Now I was totally lost.
“Rabbit, I need you to tell me what you’re thinking. What are you trying to ask me?”
She spoke so quietly I could barely hear her. “I know I don’t have much experience in some areas, do I … satisfy you, Joshua?”
My eyes widened in sudden, painful understanding. Two things crashed into my brain at the same time. The sneering comments Brian made and Cecilia’s quiet ‘women need reassurance.’ Brian had publicly degraded and humiliated her. Rabbit was questioning her ability to satisfy me sexually.
I stared down at her in disbelief. She could even question herself? After all we had shared? The passion she ignited in me? It was so ludicrous I wanted to laugh, but I could see the pain and doubt in her eyes.
I sighed sadly. Just as my words had hit the mark with Brian, his degrading ones had found a way inside her head.
I thought back, remembering our first time. Rabbit’s tentativeness in returning my kisses, her hesitancy to touch me, how her hands had trembled and fumbled the first few times we had been together. But it had been endearing, her passion had been warming and she had responded so eagerly. She was a warm, giving lover.
“Rabbit,” I began soothingly, leaning down close, my fingers stroking her cheek. “You are more than enough.” My fingers lifted her chin. “The way you respond to me? The way you make me feel? There aren’t enough words, Rabbit, to express what you do to me, body and mind.”
She still looked unsure.
“Am I satisfied? Sexually? That’s what you’re asking me?”