"What is this," Ben asked softly, pressing against my leg as we entered the monastery grounds. It was too soon, I scolded myself. It would be a reminder of the time he was in Thailand with Aston. And even before that, while he lived with the Thai family on Aston's payroll.
He was looking up, his eyes wide, at the buildings that surrounded the courtyard. As always, Sayadaw Tayza walked toward us, the same serene expression on his face. "This is your son," he said.
"Sayadaw," I said, bowing my head. "This is Ben. My son." I handed him our token offering to the monks, and his eyes caught mine.
"I am happy to see you here, Meia," he said. "I wondered if you were well."
"I was not well for a while," I admitted. "I was lost."
"But you are no longer lost," he said.
I nodded, holding Ben's hand in mine.
I was home. I was found. I knew it was a long road, the one that stretched out ahead of me, for me and for Ben. I wasn't under some kind of delusion that everything was going to be sunshine and rose petals from here on out. Nothing in my life had been that way.
Until Hammer had given me hope. He had stepped into the darkness that surrounded me, that ate away at me from the inside, and he had joined me. I was no longer alone.
HAPPINESS
There is balm for the wounded, and there is bread for the hungry. There is water for the thirsty, and there is hope for the despairing. There is light for those in darkness...
~ The Gospel of Buddha, Carus' translation
TWO YEARS LATER
“Did we forget anything?” I paused by the passenger’s side of the minivan, running through my mental checklist.
Stan, check.
Holly, check.
Suitcases for everyone, check.
Road trip snacks, check.
Cade’s voice interrupted my thoughts.
“I think we’ve packed everything possible, so I wouldn’t worry too much,” Cade said, grinning. “Get your as-uh, rear end in the car and quit thinking about it.” He slid behind the steering wheel.
I sat down, instinctively turning around to check on the kids in the back, already watching cartoons on their portable electronic devices. “God, they’re already wired up,” I said. “You remember when we were kids, suffering through road trips with no TV?”
Cade grinned. “You’d rather listen to them bicker while we drive? It’s a small price to pay for sanity.”
We drove out of West Bend, the rolling hills a blur of greens as we blew by them in the vehicle. “We didn’t forget to leave Janice anything, right?” I asked.
Cade laughed. “You went over it a hundred times.”
“Can you blame me?” I asked. “It’s my first time leaving the bed and breakfast to anyone else to run.”
“Janice has been your assistant for two years now,” Cade said. “She’s going to do just fine. Besides, it’s been how long since we’ve had a vacation?”
I laughed. “Never?”
“Exactly,” he said. “The kids are going to love the beach and California."
“How do you feel about seeing everyone from the club again?” I asked.
“I’m not gonna lie,” Cade said. “I miss those guys. And I want them to meet the kids, you know? They were a big part of my life. They’ve been there for a lot of important things.”
I reached for Cade’s hand, and settled back in the seat, closing my eyes. Here, in the car, I had everything that was important to me.
Blaze’s arms circled around my waist, and I leaned back against him. “How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Queasy,” I said. “I thought I was supposed to be beyond this already.”
“Fourteen weeks,” Blaze said. “The book said it might continue into the second trimester.”
“Ugh. I hope not.”
“Are you going to be able to make it through a barbeque?” he asked.
“Are you kidding?” I said. “I’ll make sure I do. I haven’t seen Axe and June in how long? I want to meet the kids. It's good that they're going to come by the clubhouse.”
“And we’re going to announce the pregnancy,” Blaze reminded me.
“I didn’t forget,” I said, smiling. I turned around to face him, his hands on the small of my back. “Are you happy?”
Blaze grinned. “More than I ever thought I could be,” he said, his lips on my forehead. I surge of arousal rushed through me at his touch, and a trail of goose bumps dotted my arms. I shivered, and he laughed. “Good to know I still got it.”
“I’ll always have the hots for you, old man,” I said, arching up on tiptoes to kiss him, hard on the lips. “Nothing will ever change that.”
The four of us, our family, stood as a group in front of April’s tombstone. Hammer reached for my hand, giving it a quick squeeze before he stepped toward the grave to replace April’s flowers. MacKenzie and Ben helped me open the lantern I'd brought, a routine we'd practiced monthly now since we'd moved back to Los Angeles.
"Can I light it this time?" MacKenzie asked.