"Benicio's men will take care of everything," he said, nodding toward one of the men who walked past us into the room. "We need to get you cleaned up here before we get you home. Martina will be waiting."
MacKenzie’s nanny had agreed to stay with Ben while Hammer and I went out. Ben was already asleep; he never would have let me out of his sight otherwise. Since we'd left Thailand, he was attached to me at the hip. But that was just fine by me. Having him returned to me warmed my heart more than I could put into words, and I desperately wanted to make up for the time I'd lost away from him. Martina thought Hammer and I were going out on a date, and she'd shooed us out the door, telling us to stay out as late as we liked. I think she was just glad to think that Hammer was dating someone. If she knew what kind of a "date" she'd just sent us out on...I shivered a little.
Hammer looked down at me. "Cold?" he asked. "It's normal, afterwards."
After murdering someone, he meant.
I shook my head. "I'm not in shock," I said. "I knew what I was doing."
"I know," he said.
I didn't look at him. "Do you think badly of me?"
"Jesus, no, Meia," he said. "Aston deserved exactly what he got."
Later that night, I lay in bed with Hammer, my head resting on his chest. He stroked my hair, let his fingers run down the length of my back.
“It’s all going to be different now,” he said, his voice soft. “You’ll see.”
“Do you think I’ll be different?” I asked. “Do you think it’ll change me?”
“Killing him?” Hammer said.
I nodded. “Like it did with you. Made you more angry somehow.”
Hammer rolled me over onto my back, kissed my cheek, then down my neck before looking up. “No,” he said. “I wallowed, for a long time, alone in my misery. You aren’t alone.”
“I’m not alone,” I said, the words unfamiliar somehow. I was used to feeling that way. I wasn’t sure I knew how to feel otherwise.
Hammer’s touch broke me out of my thoughts as he slid down my body, applying kisses along the tops of my breasts, then down the middle of my abdomen. He started to slide lower, then hovered for a moment, looking up at me. “You’re not going to be able to get rid of me,” he said, with a grin.
I smiled, for the first time feeling free. “I wouldn’t want to.”
TWO WEEKS LATER
"Are you nervous?" Meia asked. She kissed me gently on the lips.
"Fu -" I started, then looked to Ben, sprawled on the couch reading, paying no attention to us. "Yeah, I'm nervous. I haven't seen MacKenzie in months. She may not want to come back."
Meia cocked her head to the side. "She wants to see her father. I'm sure of it."
I sighed. "A lot has changed. I'm not sure how to even introduce you guys."
Meia shrugged. "When it's time, you'll know. Don't rush it. Ben's still adjusting. I'm still adjusting. MacKenzie's been through a lot. She doesn't need dad's new girl dumped on her."
I slid my arms around Meia's waist, and kissed her forehead. "You're more than just my new girl."
"I know," she said. "But I'm happy to take things slow. After everything that's happened, slow is about my pace."
"Okay, I have to get going, before I'm late," I said. "Ben, I'll see you later?"
"Yeah, Hammer," he said. "Later."
Meia smiled at him, then turned toward me, pulling at the t-shirt under my leather cut. She stood on tip-toes to kiss me again. "I love you, you know."
Shit, I'd never get tired of hearing that. "I love you too."
And I did. I never thought I'd love again, after April. Life had beaten me down pretty good. I thought there was no hope for me. I was trying to fight my way through, rid myself of all the rage I felt. But Meia had come along, and changed everything. She'd understood loss, and darkness. And rage and hate. She saw me. And she loved me in spite of it. Hell, she loved me for it.
I loved all of her, every piece of her that was broken and battered and scarred. The scars made her all the more breathtaking.
Her darkness was beautiful.
"Dad!" MacKenzie yelled it loudly, as soon as she saw me, and my heart felt warmed by the sound of her voice.
"Shit, you look so different," I said.
She raised her eyebrows. "Greeting your daughter by swearing, dad? That's some good parenting." She held a serious expression for a moment, before breaking into a grin. "I'm just kidding, dad! Lighten up, will you?"
Lighten up? MacKenzie had left a kid, and now I swear to God, she'd grown a full foot; her hair was long and bleached from the sun; and she was sporting an island tan. Jesus Christ. She looked like a different kid. I felt my eyes begin to tear up, and before I could think, I grabbed her and pulled her into a bear hug.
"Dad!" she squealed. "This is totally embarrassing!"
"Too bad," I said. "I haven't seen you in months. You're due a little embarrassment from your old man."
"So," she said as we walked toward the luggage claim. "Have you thought about the horse you're going to get me?"
"Oh, is that how it's going to be?" I asked.
"Yeah," she nodded. "That's exactly how it's going to be."
I smiled. That's exactly how I wanted it to be.
A MONTH LATER