"Do you know what scalping involves, Mud?" I asked, the blade still against his cheek.
He didn't respond intelligibly, instead making a strangled sound.
"Speak up, Mud," I said. "It's impolite not to answer when you're asked a question."
"Ye -yes," he choked out, tears streaming down his face. The stench of piss filled the air.
"Good," I said. "The thing about scalping is that it doesn't necessarily kill you."
"Oh, God," he pleaded.
I leaned over and whispered in his ear. "God can't save you now." Then I stood up, looked toward Crunch. He nodded, and I began.
I talked to him throughout the process, calmly, telling him stories of the man who raised me. He didn't respond intelligibly after the first minute or so, alternating between passing out and screaming in agony when I revived him.
When I finally passed my blade across his throat, I expected to feel some satisfaction.
But there was nothing.
"Axe," June said, sitting up in bed, her hand over her mouth. "My God. Cade."
I crossed to the other side of the room in Benicio's place, bathed in the soft light of the small lamp she'd turned on. "I need to shower."
Her face was pale. I wasn't sure what I looked like, but I knew it wasn't good.
Not after all that had happened.
"Yes," she said. "I fell asleep. What time is it?"
"Almost morning. Go back to sleep."
She climbed out of bed, shaking her head. "Let me help you."
I stood, motionless, staring ahead while she undressed me, slowly pulling off my clothes. Then she turned on the shower. "I'll get rid of these clothes."
When I came out of the shower, she was in bed, the bedspread tucked up around her neck, Bailey snuggled up beside her. I slipped under the covers, slid into the bed with her and Bailey.
"How did it feel?" she asked. "Killing them."
"Like nothing," I whispered.
She turned around, facing me, her lips close to mine. "What do you mean?"
"I feel nothing anymore," I said. It was the truth. I felt like I was dead inside. I didn't feel rage, or hate. I just felt blank.
She was silent.
"If you knew what I did, you'd think I was a monster," I said.
"We're all monsters."
"Not all of us," I said. "Not you."
"I wanted you to do this, Cade," she said. "It makes me the same as you."
"Blaze wants us to bring Mad Dog to the club, let the club decide his fate."
"What do you want to do?"
What did I want to do?
I exhaled heavily. "I want to be done with it all."
"Will we be running from this forever?"
She said we. She was willing to run with me.
"Benicio's men will clean up the mess, make sure none of it blows back on us. They're good."
"So you can leave," she whispered.
"Blaze would run the club," he said. "We could walk away."
"Do you want to walk away?"
Six months ago, I'd have said never. No matter what, I would be loyal to the club.
Of course, six months ago, I'd had my head buried in a bottle so deep I couldn't see out. Six months ago, I didn't give a shit what happened to me. Back then, I might have hated Mad Dog, but I wasn't about to leave the club, the people who had taken me in when I was displaced from my military family.
Now? That so-called family had betrayed me, in the most unimaginable way. I didn't know who was with Mad Dog, and I didn't care. They were all traitors.
Blaze tried to convince me otherwise, tried to reason with me, tell me he didn't believe that the treachery spread throughout the club. I didn't want to hear it. But in the end, Crunch sided with him, agreed that Mad Dog should be brought to the club.
I no longer considered the club my family. The only reason I agreed to bring Mad Dog in front of the club tomorrow is because I wanted to see the looks on their faces when I cut his throat.
The next day was church. June kissed me on the forehead, smoothed her hands across the front of the leather cut I wore, not because I considered myself part of the Inferno MC any longer, but because today when I meted out justice on Mad Dog, I would do it as the Sergeant-at-Arms for the club.
I still held the title, and today I would act in the truest sense as the club's enforcer.
Regardless of the club vote.
I wondered if June understood that I might get killed in the process.
"Be careful," she said.
"You have nothing to worry about," I lied.
"You're not a very good liar." She kissed me. "But I love you anyway."
Mad Dog was in Benicio's vehicle outside, bound and gagged, beaten and bloody from the night before. Blaze thought it was prudent to bring the facts to the club before bringing Mad Dog inside. I didn't give a shit what the club decided, as long as I killed Mad Dog right there, in front of all of them. It was suicidal. But then, wasn't all of this? The entire thing was insanity, bringing Mad Dog to church. Doing this in the clubhouse. It was madness.
The entire club was there, expecting a regular church meeting.
This was about to be the most irregular church meeting in the history of them.