Clearly Ryker’s talked a bit about me with his dad. Okay, then . . .
I think Bill and Ryker’s mom, Julie, divorced when Ryker was about my boys’ age. From what Ryker told me, Julie was incredibly depressed and just up and left one day. It shattered Bill to pieces. Maybe that’s why I never really felt like I meshed with her back then—I didn’t understand how someone could just . . . go. Today, we could probably share a bottle of wine and compare notes.
“Thanks, yeah, it was a tough one. Luckily it seems fairly amicable, for now. We filed the official paperwork on June first, so . . . now we just wait a while, I guess.”
As Ryker finishes up and walks outside, Bill continues our heart-to-heart.
“Sorry to hear about your boy, Oliver.”
My boy.
Bill regards the simple name of my child with the same fatherly care he showed me long ago.
“Thanks. It’s going to be a long road but he’s tough, so is Max.”
I take a few minutes to explain Oliver’s condition to Bill, and to talk to both of them about his therapies. Max joins his brother for all sessions, is picking up sign language quite quickly, and is learning the basics of his new life with his twin. He has to be sure that Oliver is looking at him when he speaks, and needs to look out for him whenever possible—like on a busy playground. Any time I’ve peeked in their bedroom while they’re playing, or during “quiet time,” it seems business as usual. Just boys being boys and brothers being brothers.
“Sounds like you’re getting things under control the best you can.” Bill leans forward and focuses on my face.
I shrug. “Nothing else you can do but roll up your sleeves and dig in, I guess.”
Run away. You could always run away. But, remember, you’re better than that.
“Dad, I told Natalie she should bring her boys by the farm sometime. Don’t you think they’d like that?”
I watch as Bill’s carefully chosen words form in his mouth. “You’re right, son. They’re boys. It’s dirt. What’s not to like?”
We all laugh and enjoy the rest of the sunset.
By the time the mosquitoes are in full force, I stand to excuse myself for the evening.
“Thanks again for dinner, Bill.” Extending my arms, he comes in for a hug.
“Anytime, Natalie. I mean that. Let’s not go another ten years, eh?” Bill kisses my cheek and gives my shoulder a firm pat before making eye contact with Ryker behind me.
“I’ll walk you to your car, Nat.” Ryker tugs my pinky finger once before heading around the side of the house.
Walking to my car, I suddenly feel a hundred pounds lighter. Closure seems to be introducing itself to my bleeding heart a little at a time.
“Thanks for having me over, Ryker. I’m glad I got a chance to talk to your dad.” I lean against my door.
“No problem, I know he’s really missed you and . . .you guys went through a lot together.” A flash of uneasiness passes through his eyes, and I wish I could grab his face and kiss him, telling him it’s really okay. But, the thing about guilt is, no one can take it away for you; you have to unpack it yourself. And, I probably shouldn’t kiss him.
Before I stare at his lips any longer, I decide to get in my car. “I think I’ll take you up on your offer to bring the boys to the farm. Maybe mid-August, right before school starts? That way I think we’ll be in more of a routine with Ollie.”
“Sounds good, Nat. Whenever you’re ready, you’ve got my number.” A smile and a hug later, Ryker strolls back up to his dad’s house with his hands in his pockets.
Chapter 35
“Man, you’ve had a hell of a few weeks, huh?” Tosha stretches across my gorgeous pre-Eric couch in my post-Eric apartment. Though, I guess we’ll never really be “post” each other, given the boys.
“Yeah, but . . . you know how they say things get worse before they get better?” I set wine glasses in front of us.
“Uh-huh.”
“I’m kind of in the middle of that right now. All this purging with Ryker, and talking with his dad, and filing the papers for my divorce with Eric,” I pause for a sip of Syrah, “I almost feel like more of a mess than I did before.”
Tosha rests her hand on my leg. “That’s because you haven’t been cutting. And, Nat, I’m so fucking proud of you for that.”