I laughed again. "So what, this is some kind of macho, alpha possessive thing? You’re asserting your dominance to him?"
"Yeah I am," Sam replied, pulling me into a hug. "You belong to me, only me and I want him to know that," he continued before kissing me.
I pinched him as I jokingly said, "Yours huh, you think you own me?"
Sam smiled as he whispered, "No it’s really you who owns me Ash. My heart, it belongs to you and only you. I just want him to know that."
I laughed before kissing him and saying, "I promise you have nothing to worry about Sam, Liam’s harmless. Just ignore him, it’s what I do."
Sam still continued to pick me up after work, but I actually didn’t mind that he did. I kind of liked the idea that he was letting the world know we were together, and I really liked the idea that his heart was mine to keep.
Because he had stolen mine ages ago.
∞
I get to Luke’s place around 9pm. I want to make sure I’m not the first person there, but when I arrive and see the place is full, I suddenly wish I’d been here earlier. I don’t want to have to try and fit in with these people who clearly all know each other. I’m heading into the kitchen when Luke finds me.
"Hey Ash, you made it! Can I get you a beer?" he asks. He’s smiling at me and actually looks happy to see me here.
"Ah sure, thanks, that’d be great." I’ve already had a couple at home, trying to settle my nerves at the idea of walking into this party alone.
He grabs two, handing one to me, before leaning back against the counter with the other. The whole scene is so eerily reminiscent of my first meeting with Sam, that I briefly close my eyes, blocking the image that’s formed in front of me. Maybe I shouldn’t have come after all.
"Are you okay Ash?" Luke asks.
I open my eyes to find him looking at me, a concerned expression on his face now. It’s that same question again, the one he always seems to ask me. I must look like a total basket case to him, I have no idea why he bothers talking to me.
"Yeah I’m okay Luke, thanks," I reply, trying to smile at him.
"You want me to introduce you to my flatmate?" he asks.
I take a sip of my beer. "Um, maybe later."
Luke smiles at me. "Sure," he says, leaning against the counter sipping his beer and still watching me.
I have to change this. I move and lean against the counter beside him, probably not the best idea, but I just have to change it. There’s about a foot of space between us, but it feels much smaller.
Luke looks down at me. "Not really into big parties then?"
Is it that obvious? "Mmmm, not really into situations where I don’t know anyone," I say surprising myself.
He half laughs. "Yeah I know what you mean. The party was Jared’s idea really, not mine."
I look sideways at Luke. He’s staring out of the kitchen into the living room now, like he’s trying to work out what all of these people are doing in his house. I wonder if he truly doesn’t want them here, if he’s just being accommodating to them and his flatmate.
We don’t say anything more, both of us just watching the people as they talk, laugh and interact with each other. I try to imagine if he feels like he’s watching it all from the outside, like I do. I wonder if he also feels like an observer in his own life. But I can’t possibly ask him, so instead I finish my beer which catches up with the ones I’ve already had at home.
"Bathroom?" I ask.
He turns back to me, a small smile on his face now. "I’ll show you where it is. Thanks for coming by the way."
I actually smile back at him. Somehow he makes this easier.
I’m in the bathroom when it happens.
"Ash, how you doing? Man, you look really good tonight."
Liam, shit.
"I’m fine thanks," I answer without looking, concentrating instead on just washing my hands.
"So ah Ash, do you wanna maybe go out sometime?" he asks in a voice full of confidence, but nothing sincere.
I stop washing my hands but refuse to turn around. I don’t want to look at him, especially now. I’ve never liked him even if he was harmless, but right now this feels very different. He’s never done anything like this before. Yes, he made some stupid comments to rile me up when he knew Sam wasn’t around, but nothing like this. I don’t understand why he thinks he can do this. He knows what happened to Sam, so why is he doing this to me now. Was he always just waiting?
"No Liam," I finally say. "I don’t think that would be a good idea."
He says nothing more, but suddenly I know he’s standing right behind me. I can feel his breath on the back of my neck. It is hot and makes me feel sick. I don’t want him this close to me. I look up and see his reflection in the mirror, staring at me.
"Ash," he says, a smile on his face. "Come on, it’ll be fun, I promise."
I turn now and face him. "No Liam, I really don’t think so."