“Sit up so I can see you,” he says. His voice is lower.
I swing my body around, sit on his thighs, and wrap my legs around his back. He takes my face between his hands and uses his thumbs to wipe away my tears. He brushes my hair from my face and tucks the loose strands behind my ears. He gently traces an invisible line on my face with his fingers, and then runs them gently over my lips. He smells of sweat and blood and dirt. Even still, he smells like my Cole. He takes a deep breath and brings my forehead to his, and for a moment, we just stare at one another. I feel the hair rise on my arms and neck as my heart starts to flutter. We have a connection I can’t explain. But being with him just feels right and safe.
“Wait. Where are Grace and Bruno?” I look around the hut frantically.
Cole lets out a small laugh. “They left to find some privacy just after you fell asleep.”
“Oh,” I say, embarrassed.
Cole pulls me back into an embrace. “Lexi, I’m scared.” He trails his fingers lightly up and down my back, awakening a need in me.
“About what?” I moan against his lips.
“Of the man I once was.” He kisses me softly. “Of the things I did in my past.” He kisses me softly again. “The innocent lives I took.” His kiss is more urgent now. “Deep down, I’m still a cold, heartless guard, and I’m not sure how to shut that part of me off.” I am lost in his kiss.
“You’re not that person anymore, Cole.” My breathing’s heavy and fast.
“That’s what I keep telling myself, but then, I killed that man—in cold blood. I know it would keep us safe, but I don’t want to be a killer anymore.” He pulls back and looks at me.
“You’re not a killer,” I say, taking his face in my hands.
“I am. I’ve been murdering people for years.”
“You did your job like any soldier. No one could blame you for that. Isn’t that what you are trained to do? What you were commanded to do? Neutralize the threat. Keep your people safe. That man was a threat. You took care of it.”
“There’s so much you don’t know about me. And I’m afraid if you knew everything I’ve done, you’d hate me for it.”
“Cole,” I whisper against his mouth.
“Mmmm,” he says, and then he’s kissing me again, pulling me closer and holding me there.
I pull away long enough to say, “I’m in love with you, Cole. I don’t care about the person you once were. I only care about the person you are today. Everything you have gone through helped shape the person you are now, and that man is my hero. And when you’re ready to tell me everything about your past, I’m here. I will not judge you. There’s nothing you could’ve done that will change the way I feel about you.”
His body stiffens, and his eyes turn distant and cold.
“What’s wrong?”
He drops his eyes to the floor. “I don’t deserve you, Lexi.”
“How can you say that after everything we’ve been through?”
“You have no idea,” he says, and I watch as he clenches his jaw and flares his nostrils. Something is eating him alive.
“Oh, but I do. Look at me, Cole. I’m a Sinner, branded forever.” I pull his face toward me. “And you chose to love me still, despite this. You chose to see me for who I am, not for what or who my brand says I am. I am more than my brand, and you see that.”
“Well, I hope you will be able to do the same for me. Because you don’t know everything I’ve done.”
“Of course I will. I love you.”
His eyes rest firmly on mine as he takes my right hand in his. My lips part, and I close my eyes; I listen to the noise his lips make when he kisses my skin. It’s a soft sound, almost like he’s whispering.
“Hey, open your eyes for me,” he says. “Look at me.”
My lids open, and he kisses the corners of my mouth before slowly kissing his way down to my collarbone. I shudder.
“Are you cold?” he laughs.
“Not even close.”
“Hmmm.”
I let my fingers wander up his neck, through his hair, and travel back down to his broad shoulders. When my hands reach his face, I guide his mouth to mine. We kiss slow and soft until I feel his hand move to the small of my back. As he untucks my shirt, he deepens the kiss. I suck on his lower lip, and he grips me harder.
“Lexi,” he says, shaking his head and huffing for oxygen.
I loop my arms around his neck and pull his head to my shoulder. His fingers find the flesh right above my pants, and I jump. The combination of nerves, adrenaline, desire, and fear is heady.
Cole chuckles lightly against my skin. I lift my arms toward the sky as he tries to pull my shirt off. But the damn thing’s pretty much glued to me. He’s kissing and touching and getting inpatient, about to rip it off. Then, somehow, he manages to peel the cloth off, get it over my head, and it drops to the floor like a drenched towel.