House of Ivy & Sorrow

THIRTY-THREE





“What the hell is he doing here?” Winn growls, glaring at Levi like he’d start a fight if we weren’t at a hospital.

This would be one of those times where it’d be really convenient if I could tell Winn the truth. But I can’t even get my mouth to move, since I’m so low on magic and terrified of what Levi did to me. That kiss was how the Curse must feel, except the Curse is permanent. This is how my mother died, how Nana is suffering, but a thousand times worse.

But what Levi did with my power—he magnified it somehow. What could he do with even more of my magic? I hate that a little part of me is tempted to give it to him, to let him fix all my problems. But the price . . . it’s too steep. I can’t forget that.

Levi rubs his neck, apparently useless now. He does look drained, though, having used up what I gave him to fix Gwen.

“Um.” Kat glances at me, as if I have the answer. Too bad there is not a single logical explanation for Levi being here.

Winn shakes his head, opens his mouth to say something, but then his eyes go to the bed. “Gwen! You’re awake!”

She gives him a half smile. “Looks like Kat and Jo saved me.”

Levi sighs, and I feel kind of bad that he can’t take credit for saving Gwen’s life. No matter what else comes, I’ll always be grateful he did that.

Winn seems to calm at her words and comes over to me. “You look awful.” Taking my hand, he glares at Levi. And I swear it seems like he understands what really happened. “Did he do something to you?”

I close my eyes, tears welling up at another shred of proof that Winn might be lying to me, too. If he was totally normal, wouldn’t he have assumed I’m like this because I’m worried about Gwen? Yet he immediately blames Levi.

Levi’s eyes meet mine, sad and penitent. “Yeah, my fault. Sometimes I don’t realize when I’m going too far. Gwen, I’m glad you’re awake. Hope you have a quick recovery.”

“Tha—” Gwen starts.

And he’s gone, leaving me with a million questions about the Shadows. Not to mention one seriously angry boyfriend.

The nurse comes in immediately after him, and her eyes pop when she sees Gwen awake. She shoos us out of the room, calling for a doctor frantically. Winn helps me to a quiet spot in the waiting room, while the Lees hug and cry over Gwen’s miraculous recovery.

“Jo, I need you to be honest with me.” He rubs my hand with his thumb. He’s clearly upset, and I know he’s not stupid. “Why does he keep showing up?”

I hate this. I don’t want to lie to him—I want to share everything with him. And I can’t. When Nana said this would be hard, I didn’t realize how much she meant it. How can I really be with him if I can’t tell him everything about me? But at the same time, it’d be wrong. He’s already in so much danger, and there’s still a chance he’s normal. I must protect him from this horrible world I live in until I know for sure he’s part of it.

“Levi is . . .” I pinch the bridge of my nose, not wanting to think of him right now. “My mom had a very close friend in college. Her name was Stacia, and Levi is her son. She died when he was a kid, like my mom did. It’s this weird connection—we share the same grief—but I swear you don’t have to worry.”

Winn purses his lips, searching my eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me that?”

“I don’t know.” Here come the tears again. “I didn’t want you to think he was . . . he’s important, but not like you’re important. You’re the only guy I want.”

The truth of it hits hard, the guilt fresh and raw all over again.

He offers a small smile. “I’m not gonna lie—that’s good to hear.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

He brushes my hair from my face. “You know you can tell me anything, right? I don’t want you to be afraid of how I’ll react. You don’t have to keep me happy—you just have to be you.”

That’s when I start blubbering like a fool. He holds me, and all I want to do is tell him everything. After several minutes of crying, I finally compose myself. Slightly. Winn has me cradled in his lap, and I run my finger back and forth over his prickly cheek.


“I must look pathetic,” I say softly.

“Hey.” He touches his forehead to mine. “You’ve been through so much lately. I’d be freaking out if Billy or Adam were in that room.”

“And crying?”

“Well, maybe not in public.”

I pinch his cheek, and he laughs. Then the sound is gone, and I know he’s going to kiss me. I don’t deserve it, but I want it.

His lips brush against mine, and my whole body remembers how perfect Winn’s kisses are. I pull him closer, kiss him deeper than I have before. The little magic I have left tingles at my lips, but it’s not going anywhere. This isn’t giving and taking; this is sharing—sharing something better than anything Levi could offer. Winn moves to my neck, and goose bumps cover my skin.

It takes a second for me to get my head on straight, to realize we are full-on making out in a hospital waiting room. It feels so good, like I can finally breathe again after days of only getting by. Against every instinct, I push him back. “You won’t cry in public, but you’ll do that?”

He grins. “Right, public. I forgot.”

I laugh. “Me too.”

“You hungry? I bought enough for us. Figured we might be here awhile.” He rubs my legs, which are in his lap, and for the tiniest moment all is right with the world.

“Starving.”

I watch him go, feeling far too content considering the circumstances. Mom’s pendant is warm against my skin, and I put my hand to it. I may have missed my chance to find clues in those lavender memories, but Gwen is alive and that is what matters right now.