I cock my head to the side, studying him, amazed at the fear I see on his face. I mean the guy is pale, looking close to passing out. “You’re joking, right? What the fuck, Rhett?”
“I just can’t.” He stomps off toward the cabin, carrying his shoes and clothes with him. I watch his ass barely covered by his wet boxer briefs as they cling to him and the muscles in his back, but I’m too angry to be turned-on.
I don’t get this guy as much as I thought I did.
And that was already not much.
TWENTY-FIVE
Jesus fucking Christ. What the hell is wrong with me?
It shouldn’t be a big deal. We’ve done everything else, but when he told me he wanted me to fuck him, I’ve never been more afraid. I want him to let it go. I want to go back to before his request, when we were just fooling around.
When it was just two guys messing around. Not so damn heavy.
I walk into the cabin and go up the stairs to the loft, tossing my clothes on the floor and pushing my sopping wet briefs off, then flinging them into the pile. Walking over to my bag, I unzip it as I hear Grayson’s loud footsteps coming up the stairs.
His eyes roam over my naked form, but it’s not the usual lust I see in his eyes when they finally meet mine. No, he’s pissed. “Talk to me.”
“I did. I told you I can’t do that.”
“You didn’t give me an explanation.”
“I did. You just didn’t like it.” I grab a dry pair of boxer briefs and tug them up over my ass.
He’s still in his wet briefs, which cling obscenely to his junk, causing me to momentarily stare before he clears his throat and demands my attention. “That you just don’t want to be the first one to fuck me? Yeah. I don’t like it. What the hell does it matter?”
It’s too real. Too permanent. Too fucking everything.
“I just can’t.” I gesture widely in his direction. “You need to change, or your balls really will fall off.”
He rolls his eyes, not moving, the stubborn ass. My body is still freezing from jumping into that damn lake, and I know his is too. “I’m fine. Tell me why. I need more of an explanation.”
I huff and sit down on the edge of the bed, pulling the big comforter up and over my shoulders. “Sit with me.”
He pushes his wet briefs off and kicks them toward the pile of clothes, clearly not worried about his nakedness. He joins me on the bed, taking half of the comforter. His cold, bare arm brushes against mine as we wrap ourselves in the blanket. He’s looking at me, waiting for more of an explanation.
“It just ties us together forever, you know?”
He looks annoyed but doesn’t lash out. “I think we already are.”
Time for real honesty. “I don’t even know who I am. Still. I mean, I know I like you, and I like fooling around. But if I don’t even know who I am . . .” I sigh heavily and pull the blanket a little tighter around me. “How can I know what we are together?”
His eyes search mine, and I wait for him to mock me as his brows furrow in deep thought. “Wait. So, you think by me wanting to fuck, I need a definition or something. Like a ‘what are we’ kind of talk?”
I nod quickly because isn’t that when the talk usually comes? At least when it comes to first times and shit. “Yeah. And I have no idea how to navigate all this.”
His smile is kind, but also kind of menacing as he shoves my shoulder playfully. “Jesus, it wasn’t a marriage proposal. I wasn’t declaring my love for you or anything. You just have a really nice dick, and I wanted to feel it inside me.”
Jesus Christ. He might actually kill me. My cock likes the idea of being inside him too much, twitching in my briefs at the very thought.
He continues, though, seemingly unaware of what his words are doing to me. “I don’t know what we are either.” He turns his big body more to look at me, and I do the same. When his large hands capture my face, I suck in a sharp breath, surprised and craving his touch. “I know we don’t have long together. I’m leaving in September. You have dreams to take on here. We’re ‘friends who definitely kiss and make each other come.’ But I just want to move on to ‘friends who fuck’ too.”
My right eyebrow lifts as I study him. I don’t see any hint of needing more than that or him just telling me what he thinks I want to hear in his blue eyes. “As easy as that?”
“Yeah. As easy as that. If you don’t want to, though, I’m fine with finding other ways to make each other come. But I think it would be good with you. I trust you.”
If that isn’t a dagger to the heart. “You shouldn’t.”
“Why? You planning on hurting me?”
“No. But I’m sure it’ll hurt.” I know he’s talking about the other kind of hurt. The kind of hurt I can’t even think about. His heart. His soul. Fucking him up forever, like I am. But I go for the easy type of hurt. Physical. “I mean . . . my dick isn’t exactly small.”
Thankfully, he doesn’t call me out on my bullshit and chuckles at that, a laugh that lights up his face. “No. It’s definitely not. I’m sure the first time will suck, but like everything else, we’ll just have to practice.” He waggles his eyebrows at me and releases my face from his grip.
“You really want that with me?”
He cocks his head to the side, shaking it as if I’m ridiculous. “Yeah. I want it.”
I have to look away, vulnerability creeping up on me again. “And if I never want to . . .” I pause and clear my throat, feeling stupid, “you know, return the favor?”
I chance a look at him, but all I see is kindness on his handsome as fuck face. “It’s not a tit for tat sort of thing, not even close. I’ve spent enough time experimenting with my own fingers to know I really like something in my ass. You’re doing me a favor by giving me that big dick.”
Holy. Shit. That dick he’s speaking of is rock hard in my briefs now, the tip peeking out and trying like hell to get to him. “You’ve done that?”
He laughs, shaking his head. “I was curious.” His smile widens. “And I really like it.”
My breathing has increased considerably at his words, my cock throbbing with an undeniable ache. “I want to watch.”
I watch his pupils widen and his Adam’s apple slide along his tight throat as his breath picks up too. “I’ll be right back.”
He gets up, and I watch his ass flex with each step as he moves to the stairs, his cock every bit as hard as my own. My heart races, but I don’t want to stop. I don’t want to overthink. I just want this.
He comes back, tossing a bottle of lube and a condom on the bed, still completely naked as I remove the blanket from my shoulders—suddenly not so cold anymore.
He takes a shuddering breath and approaches me slowly, moving between my legs as my hands land on the bare cheeks of his solid ass. He leans down and captures my lips with his own, kissing me softly, slowly, as if he’s memorizing every second. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”
I nod, trembling with nerves and excitement as I grip the back of his neck and pull him into me for a tumultuous kiss that lights every nerve on fire. I want him. I still don’t know who I am, and I don’t know what we are. But I know I want this.
I lay back on the bed, taking his body with mine as we kiss, both of us fighting for dominance. I flip us over so I’m on top, but he quickly rolls my body under his. My nails dig into the skin on his back, scraping down and undoubtably leaving a mark.
He nips and bites the flesh of my neck and then on my chest. I roll us again so I’m on top, my lips finding their way to his neck, sucking and sure to leave a bruise. “I want to watch you.”
He grins up at me as I lean back, straddling him and taking in every rigid muscle on display. “Watch me what, Rhett?”
Oh, he thinks he’s cute. I lean forward, biting his bottom lip and pressing a soothing kiss there before sitting back up. “I want to watch you slide your fingers inside yourself.” I feel his cock twitch under me, and a wicked grin spreads over my face. “I want you to prepare yourself for my big dick stretching you out.” I grab his right hand and push one of his fingers into my mouth, obscenely sucking on it and making him groan before I release it. “One finger just won’t do.” I look between us at my dick trying to escape my briefs. “It’s going to hurt.”
He nods his head slowly, swallowing thickly. “Yeah, but I want it to. I want to feel you for days.”
I rock against him, my aching shaft dragging along his, making him buck upward, looking for relief. I take two of his fingers into my mouth now and suck before releasing them. “I don’t think two will even do it.”
He shakes his head, his gaze full of lust now, his pupils blown, and his breathing ragged. “No. I’ll make it to three.”
I grin again, sucking three of his fingers into my mouth, wetting them with my saliva and then moving down enough to give him room as I let go of his hand. “Show. Me.”
“Gladly.”
My eyes are glued to him, unable to look away because this is happening.
And I’ve never wanted anything more in my entire life.
TWENTY-SIX