I hold my breath as I wait for his response. He’s looking around the area purposely, and then he turns to me with a grin on his beautiful face. “Good wow. Yeah.”
I release the air in my lungs. I don’t know why it matters so much to me—his approval of my cabin—but it does.
We climb out, grabbing our bags and head inside. It’s decorated simply. A couch and a chair in the living room. One bathroom with a black shower curtain. There’s a bed up in the loft area and a master bedroom downstairs. “You can choose the loft or the actual bedroom. It’s up to you.” I don’t want to assume we’re sleeping in the same bed. Even if we’ve fooled around, we’ve yet to actually sleep together.
He turns to look at me, his bag still slung over his shoulder and a handsome grin on his face. No teeth in the smile. There rarely is—but it’s still beautiful. “Really? We’re going to sleep in separate beds?”
My mouth twitches with a smile because I don’t think he wants to. I try my best to play it off, shrugging my shoulders. “I didn’t want you to think I brought you out here for sex.”
He laughs, a full-on beautiful laugh that lights up his entire face. “Yeah, right.” He walks toward the loft in a confident stride. “The loft looks pretty cool.” He walks up the swirling iron staircase and drops his bag near the bed.
I leave my bag by the door, not really wanting to sleep in the master bedroom. Everything in me pulls toward him, but I stay put. I’m always afraid I’ll spook him with everything I’m feeling inside.
He comes back downstairs and flops on the couch, his long legs stretched out before him. “So what’s there to do here?”
I park my ass right next to him on the couch. “I usually use my time here to jerk off nonstop.”
He scoffs, shaking his head, but there’s a smile on his face. “That doesn’t surprise me at all.”
I give a real answer. “I like to go for walks. It’s kind of, I don’t know . . . peaceful. And I love to swim here when it’s warm.”
His eyes roam to the one window in the living room and out toward the lake. “It does look nice. But it’s fucking cold.”
I scoff, playing the tough guy. “Come on. Don’t wuss out on me. It’s like seventy-five degrees today, and yesterday, it was eighty.”
“And last week, it was in the fifties. No way am I going in that water.”
“Chicken.”
His eyes meet mine with a deadly glint. “I’m not a child you can bait. You want your balls to fall off, you go right ahead.”
“Okay, then.” I stand up, and he eyes me carefully. “But we both know you’d miss my balls.”
I whip off my t-shirt and head to the door, tossing my shirt on the floor as I go. I hear him grumbling behind me, following. The cabin is secluded and has its own dock, so I make it there in no time, walking to the end.
Rhett follows, still fully dressed. “Quit messing around.”
I shake my head with a grin and pop the button on my jeans, looking out at the water. “I’m not messing around.” I step closer to him. “I never bluff.”
I watch his throat bob with hesitance as he watches me. I know that water is cold. I know this is stupid, but all I feel is the rush sluicing through me and making my heart pump faster. I kick off my shoes, pull off my socks, and unzip my jeans, pushing them down so all I’m wearing is black briefs.
His eyes slowly slide down my body, raising goosebumps all over my skin. “Don’t.”
I kick my jeans away and pull him to me by the waistband of his. “Don’t be a chicken. Jump in, Rhett. Let go a little.”
His eyes move to the calm water near the dock, and he doesn’t push me away. “It’s way too cold. We’ll go into shock.”
“It’s not that cold. It’s been warm. It’s not like it’s December.”
“It’s barely spring.”
“I’m going.” I release him and move to the edge of the dock, my heart still thundering in my chest.
This is going to suck.
“You’re a stubborn ass. You know that, right?” I hear movement behind me, and before I know it, he’s standing next to me in his boxer briefs and staring at the water like he hates it.
Better than him looking at me like that. But we’ll see how long that lasts.
“This is so fucking stupid.” He shakes his head.
Yeah. Yeah, it is.
I jump in feet first, knowing it’s shallow at this spot and not giving myself time to back out.
Holy mother of fuck!
Yeah. It’s damn cold and the water only reaches my waist. Still, I taunt him, trying not to let him see me shiver. “Come on, Rhett. Don’t back out on me now.”
I raise my hands in the air, noticing the hairs on my arms standing straight up.
“You’re such a dick.” He shakes his head but then jumps in too. “Holy fucking shit balls.” He looks at me, his teeth chattering almost instantly. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
I laugh and quickly grab him, pulling him under the water with me. His body thrashes, and he pushes me away, popping out of the water and cursing but also laughing. We swim back to the dock, pulling ourselves out quickly.
“Holy fuck, that was cold.” He folds his arms over his chest, rubbing them.
I nod in agreement and walk until the toes of our bare feet are touching. I use my hands to warm up his biceps, relishing the feel of his hard muscles under my palms. His eyes meet mine, and I lean in and kiss him. It must be too sweet for his taste because his fingers dig into my biceps as he intensifies the kiss, holding me in place and devouring my mouth.
I growl with hunger. My dick, suddenly no longer cold, goes rigid in my briefs as we grind against each other and kiss out here in the open.
Free. I feel free in this moment.
“Rhett,” I breathe against his lips as he nips and bites on my bottom one. I’m already on edge, wanting him desperately. “I know what we could do to warm up.”
I feel him smile as his forehead rests against mine, and then he turns his head slightly to glance around. “I don’t see anyone around, but we should probably go inside because I think I know what your suggestion is.”
He rests his forehead against mine again, and I take a deep breath, slowly shaking my head because I doubt he really does. “I want you to fuck me.”
“W-what?” He looks horrified as he pulls back. Not surprised. Definitely not happy. But absolutely terrified. “What the hell are you talking about?”
Is he that repulsed by the idea of sex with me? “Oh, that’s too gay for you? Seriously?” White hot anger soars through me. Years of insecurity bubble to the surface at the sight of his face looking so shocked at the thought. He releases me, and I release him too, both of us stepping away from each other. Both of us only in our underwear. “We’ve screwed around god knows how many times. I’ve had my mouth on your dick, but fucking me is too much?”
“What? No, it’s not that.” He looks more dazed than angry, but I’m still pissed, needing an explanation. My mind goes over every single touch. Every kiss. He’s never looked this way before. He never looked grossed-out or sickened by anything we’ve done.
“What is it then?”
“You can’t ask me to do that.” I need to calm down, maybe he’s just not into anal. A lot of people aren’t. I’ve heard of gay couples who never actually have anal sex. It’s okay. I try to center myself.
“Why not?” I step closer to him, but he retreats, bending down and picking up his clothes. The rejection stings.
“Because you can’t. You just can’t. That’s huge. Okay? You’ve never . . .” He takes a deep breath, huffing and flustered. “Just no. I’m not going to be the first one to fuck you.”
“So, that’s the problem? It doesn’t gross you out?”
“What?” He looks surprised now. “No. Why would it? I just can’t be the first one. It’s too big of a deal.”
I don’t know why the hell he’s making this so huge. It’s just another step from what we’ve already done. “It’s not. It doesn’t have to be. We’ve been fucking around a lot. I like it, in case you couldn’t tell, and I want more. I have a few months left before I have to go to college and play my dad’s game. I want to use the last few months I have to do what I want.”
“And if your dad finds out about all your experimenting?” He grabs my jeans and pushes them against my chest.
I hold them, but don’t move. “It’s not experimenting. I’m gay, and I know that. I’m not experimenting, but I am trying to enjoy it. And he won’t find out. What’s the difference between us making each other come and you sticking your dick in my ass?”
His eyes widen at that, and I notice he’s breathing heavier, his gaze dropping to my naked chest. He wants it. But he won’t admit it. He pushes his hand through his wet hair and shakes his head as if clearing his thoughts. “I can’t do that. It is a big deal. I can’t be someone’s first. I just can’t. The other stuff is fine. But don’t ask me to do that.”