Hold On

“That shit’s exactly what I’m talkin’ about, Merry. I’ve been down a road where it wasn’t my choice to be on. You think for a second I’m gonna be forced down a road I don’t like where I’m at again, you think wrong. There is nowhere for this to go that’s good and you know it, just like me.”


“The only thing I know is, what’s at the end of the road we’re on is unknown. Along the way, I break through that fortress you’ve built around you and manage to extract your head from your ass, it’ll be worth the trip.”

“And then what, Merry?” I snapped.

“I don’t know, Cher. That’s the point. That’s life. You have no clue what you’ll get along the journey. But you won’t get dick you stay in one place, spinning your wheels.”

“If that place is a safe place for me and my kid, I’m good to spin my wheels for eternity.”

“You may be safe, but are you happy?”

I added a heavy dose of sarcasm when I asked, “You gonna show me happy, Merry, outside of what you can do to me when you’re fuckin’ me?”

“No one can show you happy, Cher, unless you let them in to try.”

“I open the door, is that what you want?” I asked, sarcasm mixed with disbelief now weighting my tone. “You want a shot at makin’ me happy?”

“What I want is to make sure a woman I care about is solid with her kid. That they’re safe. That the cloud of shit hovering in the horizon is not gonna rain down on them, covering them, because they’ve had enough of that. That’s one thing I want.”

His words meant so much to me, unable to hold my head up, I cast my gaze to the floor.

Merry continued talking.

“I also want to know how it feels when you wrap your mouth around my cock. And I want to wake up to you in my bed and look at you sleepin’ to find out if the shit I saw Saturday mornin’ was a dream or if it was real. That bein’, you lookin’ just as pretty as you look after drinkin’ yourself stupid and bein’ rode hard, which is the same as you look when you’re standin’ opposite the bar from me, pourin’ a drink.”

I kept staring at the floor, but I did it now breathing funny.

Merry kept at me.

“That shit is not right. No woman, not even Mia, could go head-to-head with me drinkin’ and fuckin’ and not wake up with mascara-caked, bloodshot eyes, a lipstick-smeared mouth, and a bedhead that is so far from sexy, it made me wonder why I hit that in the first place. Not you. You opened your eyes and looked ready to perform surgery, shake a martini, or ride my cock until we both found it, all a’ that with a camera crew in tow, ready for your close-up.”

Not even Mia?

No. Unh-unh. I didn’t give a shit.

I tried to turn his mind from his thoughts, and me, by reminding him, “You learn that shit when you strip, baby.”

“Then at least that line on your CV was worth somethin’; you got that outta it. Then again, baby, not complainin’ about other skills you learned through your former occupation when you finally managed to climb on top, and I am not fuckin’ with you on that. You’re not hidin’ shit from me, Cher. I don’t know if you’re tryin’, but if you are, stop. You got your head wrapped around an idea, and I get that. I get why. I get there’re a lot of folk out there who’d think that idea is spot-on. But they are not me. I do not mind, not even a little fuckin’ bit, that I got you drunk, naked, and wild, givin’ the lap dance to beat all lap dances, just as long as that’s happenin’ to me.”

“You are so full of shit,” I bit out.

“Jesus, fuck me, Cher. Seriously?” he retorted. “Due to biology being unbalanced, a session like that, I got one shot. We had one session. Seein’ as it’s clear you didn’t pay close attention, when you get more, you’ll know I liked what I got a whole fuckin’ lot.”