Hold On

I hoped he could. Except for the unknown of whether Peggy and Trent had something up their sleeve, or if they’d actually smartened up and were giving Ethan some space, Mia was the only wildcard we were dealing with.

“You think all the crap swirling around us will settle and we’ll find out what it’s like to be together when it’s just normal?” I asked.

“Wouldn’t know. Never had normal. But my guess is, normal is probably really fucking boring,” he answered.

That was a good answer because I wasn’t sure I had it in me to be normal. I’d also obviously never experienced it. But my guess, too, was normal was probably mind-numbingly boring.

I used my thumb to trace the beautiful column of his throat, saying softly, “Good you had that talk with your dad.”

“Yeah,” he replied softly, his blue eyes warm, but I could see it there. Actually, I saw it the minute he got home that night.

Something was missing, but something else had replaced it. And what was gone was bad, but what was in its place was not.

Now I knew what all that meant, what I saw in his eyes.

Relief and maybe even a little bit of contentment.

Like everything, Merry wore it well.

“Maybe good your dad had that talk with you too,” I suggested.

His fingers at my hip stopped moving and curled tight. “Not sure he’s ever gonna let go of the guilt, brown eyes.” He kept hold of my hip and my gaze. “But I am sure I now get why he won’t.”

My thumb stilled on his throat.

Was he saying…?

“Merry,” I whispered.

“He loved her. He lost her. He misses her. He took risks that meant the end of her life. He didn’t end it, and I think in some part of his head he gets that’s not his fault. But he couldn’t hold on to her as tight as he’s still holdin’ if he ever let that go. And I get that. I get that love he has for her. I get that need to hold on. I get it now.”

He got it now, holding me, staring at me.

Holy fuck.

“But yeah,” he kept going. “Even with that, you’re right. It was good for him we had that talk too.”

I didn’t push the other part, the part that made my heart pump fast, doing that shit still making it feel lighter.

I told him something I knew for certain.

“No matter how many years pass, it means something to a parent when their child needs them. At first, kids need you so much, all you want them to do is grow up so they can do things for themselves. Then you learn. You learn you should have savored every time they reached for you or called your name.”

Merry was still staring at me, but the look in his eyes had changed. There was a sweetness there that I liked a lot but had never seen.

Oh yeah.

If this worked, I was totally going to be able to talk him into kids.

Me, being me, not perfect but wanting to give Merry everything he needed, I didn’t push that.

But I did keep talking.

“You quit needing your dad in any real way a long time ago, honey. So I know for certain you going to him about something important meant everything to him.”

When I finished, his look turned darker but warmer, just as his arm tightened around my waist and pulled me up so our faces were closer.

“Ethan was pretty jazzed about that test and you pullin’ out the pistachio ice cream sundaes to wash away green bean residue,” he surprisingly remarked, considering I thought his look and movements were leading somewhere else. “Thinkin’ he’s out, but his sleep may be light.” He tipped his head on the pillow and the look that hit his eyes I felt in my womb. “Early morning date for the bathroom?”

Okay, so he was going where I thought he was leading.

It would just happen hours from now.

I forced my other arm from between us, shoving it around him so I could get closer, and replied, “Oh yeah.”

His hand in my hair twisted gently.

“Liked comin’ home to you and your boy, Cherie.”

Oh God.

God, God, God.

I liked that.

“Liked you doin’ it, Merry.”

And I did.

It was a dream come true, nearly literally, except in the dream I’d had, we were at my place.