Hold On

Not until the shit hit with Dennis Lowe.

I aimed the tires of my car to the two strips of cracked cement that led to an old, one-car, unusable-except-for-storage garage, doing this repeatedly glancing at Trent’s wreck, watching him fold out of it and make his way to the sidewalk.

By the time I’d parked and got out, he was at my front stoop.

As I moved toward him, it gave me no joy to know that I’d not been wrong. There was a decent guy under all his bullshit.

The problem was, when he got his shit together and got himself a steady job, he’d found himself a steady woman (who was obviously not me), married her ass, knocked her up, and only then did he come clean to her that he had another kid out in the world.

She’d lost her mind. She’d told him he was out on his ass unless he made good with his new kid’s brother or sister.

He’d balked at this and they’d gone ’round about it, but when my name hit the news alongside a serial killer, he sought me out.

This was one reason why I’d legally changed my name and moved out of Morrie’s old apartment that Colt and Feb had moved Ethan and me in to after Denny Lowe committed suicide by cop. Too easy for all sorts of trash to find me.

Dennis Lowe played Cheryl Sheckle.

Now, me and Ethan were Cher and Ethan Rivers.

I’d thought about doing it up big, finding some fancy romance novel heroine’s name and giving it to me and my son. But in the end, that just wasn’t me, and I didn’t want to do anything that might make Ethan a target for snotty kids at school.

And I liked water. Lakes. Oceans. Rivers. Even streams. I didn’t have much calm in my life, but anytime I was around water, I found it.

So Rivers it was.

“Hey,” Trent called.

“Yo,” I replied, making my way toward him, needing food in my stomach and another cocktail of hangover cure.

I scratched swinging into McDonald’s before I hit Walmart on my to-do list as I arrived on the stoop.

I looked up at Trent.

He was good-looking, always had been, but it was better now that he wasn’t gaunt and strung out because he’d rather smoke than eat. And I was grateful to him for giving me one thing—or giving it to Ethan—that being sharing with my son all the good stuff he had to give. Thick, dark blond hair, a long, sturdy frame, nice bone structure.

But Ethan got his momma’s brown eyes.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“You got a second to talk?” he asked back.

I didn’t. I didn’t because I didn’t, and I didn’t because I felt shit, and I didn’t because my morning was even more shit than I felt, but I also didn’t because I never wanted to take a second to talk to Trent.

He might have gotten it together, but he still left me alone, pregnant, and in love with a junkie asshole who, in the end, didn’t give a shit about me.

I could hold a mean grudge; it was just how I was.

But on that score, I felt he deserved it.

Of course, him being Ethan’s dad and now around, I reined that in when usually I’d let it fly.

Another part of life that sucked.

“Sure,” I answered, digging out my keys and moving to the door.

He got out of the way so I could pull open the screen door, and as I did that, seeing as it was late September, I decided it was time for me to get the storm windows from the garage and switch out the screens.

I put that on my to-do list too.

Then I let us in, Trent shutting the door behind him.

I tossed my purse and keys to the couch.

Even though he’d been there before to pick up Ethan, Trent looked around.

I didn’t. I knew what I’d created for my son. I knew why I did.

It was me and it was comfortable, even if it was more than a little crazy.

It leaned toward boho, something you might not read looking at me, my high heels, my short skirts, my tight tanks and tight jeans.