I clasped her hands, pulled her to me, held her tight.
“It’s alright,” I said. “Don’t be afraid. I’m here. It’s alright.”
Kat
The water in the bath was so cold that when I woke up I thought I was drowning in an icy lake. Gav held me against his chest and I sucked in deep breaths, trying to comfort myself. Trying not to panic. The world refocused in my vision.
Finally I got control of my breathing, and I sat up with Gav’s help in the bath. Goosebumps ran down my arms and legs, and I shivered, reaching forward to turn off the cold water. Gav saw what I was reaching for and turned on the hot water instead. I lay back and took deep breaths as the water in the tub warmed up.
“What happened?” I asked, looking up.
“I might ask the same of you,” he said.
I shook my head. My hands and feet felt numb, but with the new warm water they were beginning to tingle with feeling.
“I… I passed out. I was having a panic attack. I—”
Immediately the reason for my panic attack struck me again. Fear closed around my throat, clenching shut my windpipe.
“Did you kill him?” I asked.
“Who?”
Gav stared at me dumbly. I grabbed his arm, my fingers digging into his skin.
“The man. Did you kill him?”
“No. Kat, are you alright? I’m so sorry I left you for so long. I didn’t even think—I thought I’d be back before you woke up—”
“You didn’t kidnap him? That wasn’t why you left last night?”
Gav shook his head. I breathed out, my shoulders relaxing.
“I went to the library to get more books,” he said. “And when I came back, I saw you there…”
He looked so different. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was until he spoke again.
“I thought you were dead,” he said. And then I realized what it was.
It was emotion.
I reached out my hand and touched his cheek. How strange, that emotion can change a person’s face so much. His eyes looked softer around the edges, deeper somehow. Then I drew my hand back. He had gotten me drunk, tied me up. Left me tied up in bed while he went out. No matter how much relief I felt, it wasn’t enough to forgive him for everything he had done. For all the things he had done.
“Let me clean up,” I said, realizing that I’d pissed all over myself before passing out. The smell came through my nostrils and I was shocked to realize I hadn’t even noticed it before. “The bed—”
“I’ll get it. Don’t worry. Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m fine. It was just a panic attack. I hyperventilated. I’ll be okay.”
“Don’t lock the bathroom door, alright? I want to make sure you’re not going to pass out again.”
A bubble of laughter rose up in my throat. A serial killer, a maniac, a man who had kidnapped me and tied me up in his basement—he was telling me not to lock the door behind me? It was so ridiculous I could scream. Instead I nodded and pulled my knees up to my chest.
I let the bathtub drain as I pulled the dress off of me. The fabric was wet and heavy, clinging to my skin, but there was no way I was asking Gavriel to come back in and help me out of it. He’d done enough already.
The hot water I splashed over myself felt so good that I lingered while soaping myself, cross-legged in the bottom of the tub. Gav called into the bathroom once, and I answered him, but other than that he left me alone.
I wrapped a towel and came out to see him sitting on the bed. The sheets had been changed out, and there was a new bedspread across the mattress, this one a light green. He looked up at me as though I was a ghost. I sat down on the bed, my heart thumping. I didn’t know whether I was more relieved or angry.
“I thought you were dead,” he repeated.
“I thought you were going to kill someone else.”
“I wasn’t.”
“And I wasn’t dead. Even if I was, what does it matter?”
“Kat—”
My name sounded so strange coming out of his mouth. Especially now that he looked at me with such tenderness.
“We had a deal. A trade.”
“Only for one day—”
“It scared me so much,” I said, interrupting him. I couldn’t stop now. We had to talk about this, or else every time he left I would be met with the same terror, the same panic attack. “When you left, I couldn’t even breathe. Unless you can get me more pills—”
“I can’t.”
“Then you can’t go out like that. You can’t kill anyone else. We had a trade, remember? We should be able to trade again.”
“It was a fair trade. Being with you… it helps drive the urge away. It’s not quite the same, the thrill of it, but… but it’s close. It helps.”
“You said there were other girls.”
“Not anymore,” he said. “I can’t exactly bring women home anymore. Not with you here.”